Posts
March 3, 2016
I've recently started my own business, which has caused me to reflect a lot on myself. Here are some of the most important things that I learned about myself...
I have been stagnant for far too long. It has become so natural, and comfortable to tell people that I'm just deciding where I want to be. That's true, and I always thought that it was better to know where you want to be than spend thousands to transfer schools later on. Here's the thing... While saving money is great, it is SO important to get out of your comfort zone. Change doesn't happen by being comfortable, or settling. The reality is, I was too scared to pick a path and then realize later on that it wasn't the right one for me. Looking back on all my decisions I have realized that I made decisions, and they weren't the right path. I have already been taking small risks all while knowing exactly which path I should really be on. I'm tired of wasting time, which is why I have picked 2 career paths and I am now deciding which one will be more financially beneficial. I AM starting school this year.
I've found out a lot about my character, and some personal traits that I don't really like about myself. I feel like I'm more confident than I've ever been in who I am, and what I stand for. The problem is that I don't always defend the things that I care about. I don't defend my faith as much as I should. I definitely would NOT be where I am today if the LDS religion hadn't made it's way back into my daily life. Why would I not defend that in my actions, in my thoughts and in my language. It won't be an overnight transformation, but I don't want to wait any longer to make that change.
I have been to therapy multiple times before, and it's been suggested that I have extreme emotions. I relate this to a toddler that is just learning communication skills, and hates the word no. There's no rationalizing with them. For example: If a toddler wanted a candy and the mom said that they could only have it after dinner. They don't want it after dinner, they want it NOW. This causes a temper tantrum, and screaming. On the outside it just looks irrational, but on the inside it's because we have so much emotion with no where to go. That's why children are taught communication, and different coping skills. I have had to relearn all of this, and different things that can help me overcome stressful situations in a healthy manner. I feel like there's so much room for growth in this aspect to help me better my socializing skills. I'm actually going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which gives you coping methods, and healthier ways to express your emotion.
This is probably one of the most profound self-realizations that I've had in the last month. I have become so accustomed to letting myself fall victim. Let me tell you something, I am NOT a victim... I've just let myself think that my circumstances are so much worse than everyone else's, and that I should get a break of some sort. I've sat there and thought, "I've been so helpful all my life, and I have leant a helping hand to anyone in need. I have listened to people's problems without any mention of my own. Doesn't this grant me some kind of immunity from everything bad in the world?" I have health issues, and it seems there is no shortage of those. That doesn't mean that I am allowed to take those and use them for my personal gain. I am entitled to taking care of myself, and doing what I need to do that. That's different than excusing myself from something because of my disease. I use it as a cover, when in actuality I am too scared to take the chance. I have let my diabetes cripple me, in every sense of the word. Yes, there are times that diabetes absolutely takes over, but it's my body's natural defense to keep me from dying.
Honestly, diabetes is a huge blessing in disguise. You get more intune with your body, what you need. You're health oriented, eat healthier, and exercise. I have become a stronger person and I've met so many people, simply because they've seen my tattoo or my pump. I'm automatically in an elite group of people who have diabetes, and they're amazingly supportive. They're stories are miraculous, and I never would have heard them if I didn't have diabetes. I am NOT a victim of diabetes. I am NOT a victim of my circumstances.
I AM NOT A VICTIM.
