Girls: We Just Don't Get It.

May 14, 2014

We think that we know everything, and that may be true for a lot of things, but there's one thing we'll never get; We are beautiful. We never will understand that each and every one of us are absolutely beautiful in our own perfect way. We were made perfectly for the lives that we will lead. Some of us have diseases that show on our bodies, and some of us were born without limbs. We are each different in our perfectly unique ways. We will each be an inspiration to the people around us in the way that we present ourselves, and the confidence we let shine.

Yet, all of us struggle with body image. We struggle with being confident in our skin, and thinking we aren't enough. Why? Because the magazines tell us we aren't as beautiful as the actresses on the cover? Bull! We are just as beautiful! The only thing that they have on their side is photo shop. I'd say that they also have confidence on their side, but I can't be sure. There could be some actresses out there who are just as self-conscious as you or I. Have you not seen those covers of the same actresses when they are caught without makeup or having a bad day? They are just like us.

Comparing ourselves to others is the exact reason why we have self-conscious teens taking their own lives, because they feel they aren't enough. We all do it. We sit and compare ourselves to others, and nitpick every single thing we don't like about ourselves and others. We've got it in our brains that the only way we can feel better about ourselves is by pointing out the flaws in others. It's true that we find flaws in others that are our own worst flaws. We're doing ourselves an injustice by putting others down. Especially when one of the best things we can do to build our happiness is by building other people up. Giving them compliments, and appreciating all of the unique people who live around us, who make the world better with their unique traits, is exactly what will makes us feel 100 times happier.

This idea that we have got in our heads of the ideal look, the perfect body shape, the perfect makeup, or the perfect hairstyle is completely bogus. It's all of us trying to have something exactly like the person who first introduced it. Well let me tell you something, it won't ever look like it does on them, because our body shape is completely different, we don't have the same facial structure, our head does not have the same hair line, or thick hair, and we are not the same person! We don't understand how much our lives are being altered because we are trying to be beautiful.

When I was in the eighth grade I was trying to help my friends who were bulimic, or anorexic. I made sure that the bathroom was not accessible and that food wasn't an option. I could never understand the need to take such drastic measures to alter your body. I understand now how easy it must have been to feel inadequate in their own body. The pressures of having the perfect body shape is something no one should feel.

I have recently been on the other side of eating disorders and insecurities. I have just realized that I had an issue without even knowing. It has become more apparent now that I am some what of a binge eater. I will go all day without eating anything, or hardly anything. Then when I finally get to eat, I eat quite a bit. I have become even worse about it because I don't like taking shots with every meal. :/ I would rather take 1 shot for all of my meals than 4 or 5 a day. I know that's not how it's supposed to be, and it's not healthy. It sure is easier though!

Recently with the diabetes I have struggled a lot with my body image. At first I was losing a lot of weight, I got down to 105 lbs when my blood sugar was high. I thinned out a lot because my body was struggling. Then when I was diagnosed I started to go to the gym a lot more frequently. I started to gain amazing self confidence and I was loving how I looked. Well, then I got in a funk and stopped taking my insulin, which again made me lose a lot of weight. I didn't change hardly at all at that time because I was losing more weight. Now that I am taking insulin and haven't been a frequent gym goer I have gained a lot of weight. It's been hard to have all of these changes happen and is confusing on your brain about your body image. To be honest with you I am the same size I was before I got sick, and a healthy weight for my height and age. I am becoming so healthy, and I don't look sick anymore and yet I still have a hard time with my body image.

Why? I shouldn't have a problem at all. I am still a relatively very small girl, and I am not overweight. I am bothered because I know that at one point I had more muscle definition than this, and now that's gone. It's sad to me that girls will be so upset about their body image simply because they aren't someone else's size, shape, or have their muscle definition. Seriously? We should be proud that we aren't like someone else! You are you, and no one can do that better than you. Size shouldn't matter, health should matter. Muscle definition shouldn't matter, health should matter. Shape shouldn't matter, health should matter. Insecurities don't matter, happiness matters. That's what is going to outshine your muscle definition, shape, or size. People can see your happiness radiate from you. They will see that you are healthy, and happy and they won't even notice if your pants don't fit quite right, or that they might be a little too big. I know that it is a lot easier said than done to stop worrying about your body image. I have battled with feeling too big, or too little, and it's not worth it. It just adds extra stress to your body, and let's be honest, that doesn't help at all!

Our bodies are absolutely amazing. We are made to make humans, who can say that!? Your body is functioning and it will make extra space for all of the food you are eating, or the baby you are carrying. We have amazing bodies. We should be so proud of ourselves, because we deal with a lot! Don't stress yourself out because you put on weight, or you are too small. You're beautiful and you know what? Everyone can see that except for yourself. Open your eyes! As much as we say that we get it, we just don't get it. Ladies, have some confidence, because you are incredible.

Dealing With A Loss.

May 13, 2014

I feel like a part of me is dead.. It's been a while since I've seen your presence, but I know you're gone completely now. Life has been much harder since you've left me. I have had to compensate quite a lot for losing you. I never realized how good you were to me until now. You helped keep me normal and healthy. You were always there to help me deal with the unhealthy things I threw at you, and now I have to really be careful. You helped save me a ton of money, and I never even knew I was saving it until now.

I should have been more grateful for you. If I would have known in time I would have treated you better. I wouldn't have stressed you out so much. If only I had known then what I know now, things would have been different. I would have worshiped you and taken such great care of you. I would have given you everything you liked, and stayed away from the things you didn't. If I would have known in time, I would have appreciated you.

It shows how much I miss you in my face, I look tired all of the time. Sometimes, I even lose all of the color in my face. I looked much healthier when you were around. I looked much happier when you were around. I was happy, and far less moody. You'd be amazed how consistent I was when you were around. I even stayed the same weight for over 6 years, until you left me. My skin was almost blemish free, and now it's covered in bruises, and small marks. I had so much energy when you were around, and now that is lost.

I never appreciated you the way I should have, Pancreas. You were so good to me, and I never knew until I lost you. I miss you everyday, and I wish you were here more and more. I hope that others will realize how amazing their life is since they have you, Pancreas.

Insulin Pump

May 12, 2014

This has quite possibly been the most annoying process I have done. In order to get an insulin pump to help make giving myself injections a little easier I have to check my blood sugar 4 times a day for the next 30 days. Now, I know that I should be doing that anyways, but I have a very busy life. I take care of myself the best I can right now. It is frustrating to me that people who have never experienced a day with diabetes in their lives should dictate my medical supplies.

An insulin pump would make my life so much simpler because it is only one needle every 3 days. I can give myself injections simply by punching in how many carbohydrates I am eating for the meal. Seriously, I can't even imagine how awesome it will be for me to have an insulin pump.

I have wanted an insulin pump since I was first diagnosed. I knew that it would make my life a lot simpler, but I didn't know I just had to ask the doctor about it. When I explained to the doctors that I felt it would be a lot better for me if I had an insulin pump they were ready to start helping me. They sent in some paper work and I got a phone call within a week. When I got the call the lady I spoke with went over the process and let me know that she would be helping me get my pump. She has been very nice to work with, and let me know up front that I would need to take logs of my blood sugar in order for one of my insurances to help pay for my pump.

I've already sent in logs for 30 days, but she wouldn't accept them since the logs were not consistent enough. I am currently working on new logs to send in, that will hopefully be a little more consistent for them. It has been a very frustrating, and tedious process. However, I definitely think that it has helped improve my health immensely over the last couple of months. So, for now, I will keep on keeping on.