Help!

June 19, 2014

 Lately I have been very self conscious about everything that I do. I worry that people take pity on me because of my disease. I sometimes don't get included in physically straining activities because my blood sugar could possibly drop. I feel like I get singled out a lot for things that I can't control. If I don't wear makeup and my blood sugar is high, I look very ill, and tired. People seem to notice that quite a lot, and never really understand what it means. If my blood sugar is low, my face will go white as a sheet and I become very weak. I think that people sometimes mistake my appearances, and my weakness during a low blood sugar episode as how I am all of the time. I have struggled a lot recently because I am just trying to get a handle on everything. I am not used to the highs and lows. I am not used to my emotions that are in direct relation to my blood sugar. I am not used to smiling all of the time when I am physically ill at least once a day, every day. I am not used to being angry for no reason, other than high blood sugar. I am not used to being irrational because my blood sugar is low. I appreciate very much everyone who takes the time to notice that I am not feeling well and trying to help. I also appreciate the people who don't notice and expect me to be the same as I always am, no matter how much I want to deck them at the time for not understanding. I am not a weak person, even when I am weak. I would rather push myself to my limits, just to see what my limits are.

 I have been reading a lot of blogs and articles in relation to diabetes, and people's experiences with it. Even if I know everything that they are writing about, I find it comforting to know that I am not alone in my battles. Even though everyone is having different battles, I know that we are facing very similar things. I take comfort in that, and I keep reading because those people were vulnerable and put their words out into the world, simply because they thought that someone was worth helping. I used to be very stubborn about asking for help. I knew I was a strong person from the very beginning, but I have recently come to realize that the most strong people are the ones who put their pride aside and ask for assistance when they need it. I am not ashamed to ask for help anymore, because I know that the one's who help me believe that I am worth helping. The one's who help show that there is truly amazing people left in this world. The one's who help give me hope.