Traveling With Diabetes

July 27, 2015

   I had the privilege last month to travel to California and be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends. Now I know how it is to travel with diabetes when you're driving. Essentially you just pack another suitcase strictly for your medical supplies. Okay, it's not that bad, but they definitely get their own carrying case.  I've researched the proper ways to travel with your supplies on dozens of websites. Most of which were blogs like mine, because what's proper is so unique to you and your situation.

    Did you guys know that diabetes changes all of the time? Your body changes so frequently that your disease adapts and changes too. If someone with diabetes tells you that they've never had to change the way they treat their disease, they're lying. Otherwise I am so impressed by them, and envy the way their body functions. Anyway, that's beside the point.

    When I get ready for a trip I have a checklist of things that I bring. I will spare you my entire list and go through strictly the medical part. ;) The first thing that I pack is my insulin. I pack a vile and then I also pack one of my pens just to make sure that I have what I need if my insulin pump malfunctions. When you're traveling with insulin they recommend that you try and keep it the same temperature. This means that when you're flying you should always take your insulin on the plane, because underneath can sometimes get really cold. Anyway, basically insulin keeps me alive so I of course am going to take it and be extra cautious.

    The next thing I always make sure to pack is a way for me to give myself the insulin. With my insulin pump I of course make sure that I pack my pump... :/ Then I pack the reservoirs for the insulin to be held in, and my infusion sets. That's the tubing and the needle that I stab into myself. With all of that I have to take my tool that helps me insert the infusion set. I really, for the life of me can't remember what it's called, and I'm not about to get up and go look. We'll just call it the poker. Since I am bringing my pens as a backup I also have to bring my pen needles, that's the part of the pen that I stab myself with. I also bring a few syringes just in case everything else fails for some reason.

   The next things that I make sure to pack are for my safety, and everyone else's. I make sure to bring a case so that I can store all of my used sharps safely until I'm home and can dispose of them properly. I won't go anywhere without my alcohol swabs. It freaks me out to think about a needle going into my body, but it freaks me out even more to think about stabbing it through dirt/sweat/whatever I got into that day on my skin. :/ Ew. I then make sure I have my glucometer (the blood checker thingy), and enough supplies for that. I need to make sure that I have enough test strips and lancets (that's the actual needle inside the pokey thing). It's also a really great idea to make sure it's fully charged before you head out.

     Anyhow, this particular trip I thought I would wear my sensor to help me keep better track of my levels. I was going to be on the go a lot and I thought it'd be really helpful. Well, with the sensor and the insulin pump there are things that could ruin it because it's so sensitive. The biggest one is to never put your insulin pump or sensor in an x-ray machine. Well, that's fine because I'll just wear it in airport security and not put it in my bag. The next problem that I faced was that there was a metal detector and then an imager. I don't fly a lot, so I'm already nervous as it is. When I asked the lady at the airport she only gave me those two options. How was I supposed to know that I could've just subjected myself to an awkward pat down??

     Really, what I'm trying to get at is I went in the imager thinking it would be fine. Well, then I just felt sick about it because I was pretty sure I had just ruined my very expensive medical devices. Luckily, I got to the airport about an hour early and my flight was delayed for 40 minutes. That means I had a good hour and a half to freak out about my airport security experience. Let me tell you, I was almost in tears in the waiting area because I really did think I ruined everything. I was calling everyone and praying, A LOT that it would work. Thankfully, I was able to calm down on the plane and my insulin pump has been fine ever since. However, when I landed my sensor actually started to malfunction so I just turned it off and I was going to test a new one when I got home. I haven't yet, because I'm terrified it's broken. I also haven't had much room to put it since I had my surgery. Let's just keep praying that it's not broken. :/

    What I'm really trying to get at with this post is that there is always a new experience to have with diabetes. It's like I get to do everything in my life for the first time, because it'll be the first time with diabetes. This flight was unfortunately not the best experience I've ever had, but at least the flight back was a lot better. Besides my awkward pat down, that I'll now be volunteering for each time to avoid any added stress. Hopefully they are always really nice ladies.
 
  

It's Been 2 Years!!



 

April 13, 2015

 

 

Hello!  It has been so long since I have written a blog post.  Now that I'm writing this I realize how much I miss it.  Last month I celebrated my 2 years with diabetes.  Now, I know that it seems a little weird to celebrate a disease that drains me of money, and energy.  However, I promise that there is reason to my madness. 

 

It's been quite a journey the last two years.  There have been a lot of hard times where I just cry and yell how much I don't want to have diabetes.  Then there have been a lot of great times where I can connect with others who have the same disease.  It's definitely been a roller coaster ride, and I still have so much to learn.  However, I am grateful for this disease, as difficult as it is sometimes.  It has provided more opportunities than I can count for growing strength, self control, and determination. 

 

In order to celebrate all of my own personal growth I asked people on Facebook how they would celebrate their 2 year diaversary.  I got quite the variety in their answers.  It ranged from taking a bath in diet coke to throwing a party.  I contemplated everything they suggested and decided to do them all.  That's right, I did absolutely every suggestion.  I of course put my own spin on a few things, but I have finally finished my diaversary bucket list. 

 

The only thing I did not get to record was something that challenged myself.  I've decided that I am going to start a 2 month workout routine called Piyo.  It's about time to get myself into shape and feel amazing about myself.  That is the only suggestion that you will not see in the video below.

 

 Yes, you read that right. I put together a video of all the ways I celebrated my 2 year diaversary.

 

Enjoy!!



 

Diaversary Video

How I Lost Five Pounds In A Day!

August 14, 2014

    I'm actually quite excited to tell you how I lost my five pounds, because they really were bothering me. I have felt very unhappy about my body. I would look at myself and all I would see was room for improvement. For what? For me to like my own body? No, I wanted other people to approve of my body. To approve of the clothes I wore, or the way I did my hair. I wanted to impress people who aren't going to matter in 5 years, hell they might not even matter in a few months. I wasn't trying to impress myself, and I'm the only one who will matter 100 years from now, because I am the only certainty in this scenario. 

    So, do you want to know how I lost those five pounds? I got rid of the scale saying that I was a normal weight. I got rid of the notion that I am going to stay the same weight, and the same size my whole life. I'm never going to stay the same, and I am so grateful for that. You can't become someone amazing, and accomplish amazing things by staying exactly the same. You have to change because there is no more room for improvement when you've perfected where you're at in your life. It may not seem like you've perfected it, because you gained those pounds or you have new circumstances pop up, but that's just the start of your new stage in life. 

   I've weighed the exact same weight for well over 5 years. I was so proud of it and I felt so accomplished, until a few days ago when I realized why I'd never gained weight. I had never exercised to maintain my weight, and I ate really whatever I wanted. I didn't take care of myself like we all should, and I realized that I didn't gain weight because I wasn't healthy. My pancreas had already started to fail me and that was the exact reason I wasn't gaining weight. I couldn't absorb any nutrients (not like I was eating right back then anyways.). I have gained 15 pounds, so what? I am healthy, I am happy, and most of all I am alive. Yes, it's a shock to gain weight and look healthy when you've been sick for so long, but it's not a bad thing. 

   I find it so sad that looking sick is considered beautiful. That being "skinny" is such a big deal that girls are willing to harm their body to get to that point. I am all for you losing weight if that's what you decide, but not because you want to impress someone, or you don't think you're beautiful the way you are. Now, I'm talking about the whole picture, not just your weight. I'm talking about inside and out. You have to be okay with yourself as a person before you go and change your appearance. My reasoning is that even if you change your appearance entirely, you'll still be unhappy with yourself, eventually. That feeling won't go away by losing weight, or getting a nose job. You aren't born thinking you're imperfect. You're born perfectly, and then you grow up and society starts showing you what's beautiful. Kids start to tease other kids because they were teased. Parents, especially mothers, complain about their appearance, and it shows kids that it's how you are supposed to be. When you were babies it was more than acceptable to look at yourself in the mirror and smile, now you'd be conceited if you did that. It's normal to look in the mirror and be completely unhappy with the person who is looking back at you, and it shouldn't be that way. Getting a nose job isn't going to help you feeling insecure as a person. It's a temporary fix to a much bigger problem. 

   This is something that I've struggled with a lot. I have a hard time not looking how I think I should. The only problem is that I look like a healthy person. No, I'm not fit, and I don't have abs or any of that, but I'm healthy. I finally have a body that is functioning and I have a hard time accepting that. I now have an artificial pancreas (my insulin pump) that is helping me live a healthier life. You know what? I struggled the first couple of days wearing it because it made me look different. On top of not having the fit body that I want I now have tubing attached to me all of the time. The other day I got my sensor put in and now I have another thing attached to me. I could hide them and make it so that no one can see them, but I am not going to do that. I don't want people with diabetes to hide it simply because it makes them different. You're different regardless of the disease that you have. Yes, I had a hard time getting used to them at first, but I am so happy to have them. I can live a normal life with less limitations now.

   Body image is a huge thing, and it's hard to look different because you have to in order to be healthy. It's even more difficult when there are people who are scared of it and so they poke fun, or they whisper to their friends. Do you know what I see when I see people in the store wearing their pumps proudly, or people with no hair? I see very incredibly strong people who aren't afraid to show the world what they've dealt with, and that they've put up a fight. I see the best advocates for everyone who is different. I see confidence, beauty, and strength. The people who are out walking around and living their lives even though they are visibly different are the ones who had something horrible happen to them, and they aren't letting it eat them alive. It's so easy to stay in your house ashamed of who you are or what you look like and everyday they make the decision to go out into the world and face the staring, whispering, and teasing because they are not afraid to fight for who they are. They are not afraid to stand up for themselves and they are not afraid of that obstacle that was put into their lives. 

   Make it a little easier for everyone to make self improvements and be happy with themselves by ending the teasing, and the body shaming. Make this world a little more inviting by not having one standard of beauty. Every single person on this planet is beautiful in their own way, and instead of trying to see that and help them see it we put them down even more. Try to start seeing everyone for what they are, human. We make mistakes, we don't look the way we think we should, and we don't act the way we should all of the time. We're all the same in that sense, and there's no reason for shaming someone because their imperfections differ from yours. 

Can We Take A Moment To Discuss Something?

June 30, 2014

 I don't write blog posts to whine or to ask for your pity. I write these posts as a form of therapy for myself. I write them in case there is someone out there who can relate to my struggles and helps with their own. I write to be a better person and to use these when I look back at the person I've transformed from. I write because it calms me, and helps me to think and see more clearly. I put some of my deepest confessions on this blog  and I don't ask for your judgment. I ask for you understanding, support, and constructive criticism. I don't want you to pity me or look down upon me. I want you to help by understanding and supporting me.

 I feel as if I have been suffocating for the last few months. The anger I have inside of me about being sick has taken over and consumed me. It's as if I am scuba diving and my only source of oxygen has been tainted. I've been struggling for as long as I can remember, but I have only suffered for the last few months. I mean really suffered. It's as if someone else is controlling my body and I am still in here just trying to force my way back into control.

 I would like to think that I have always been a positive person, and that I can find the best in any situation. That has not been the case the last few months. I have been so unbearably negative that not only do the people around me not want to be around me, but I also don't want to be around me. It's been brutal, because I like being positive. I like when people like to be around me. I like to be a happy person. I want more than anything to be that person again, but it's hard when you are being pulled down by all of the anger.

 I would love to want to be around myself again. I don't want to. I want to be positive and find the good in other people again. I want to find the positive in life again. There is a silver lining to everything in this world, and I would like to see that again. I would like to be so overwhelmingly happy that people wonder if I am on something every time they see me. I would like to be so busy finding the good in everyone and everything that I can't possibly have a bad day. I would like to be so busy helping others that I don't have problems. I want to make the world a better place no matter what I can do.

 Here's the deal, I have been very angry at being sick every single day. I have been very angry that this disease even exists. That anyone should have to deal with this. I have been angry that every single day I find out something else that could become a complication. I am sick of the bruises, the needles, and the money for it. I have just simply been sick of being sick. It's thrown me into a depressive state, and I have allowed it to. I have let it consume my everyday life, and alter my personality. Do you know what I'm really sick of? I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I am miserable, but the only one who made it that way, was me. I don't have a worse life than anyone, I just have the worst attitude out of everyone.

 So, I present to you, my solution. No negativity for a month. It's going to be hard at first, but then it will just be a habit after that. I'm going to drastically alter my perspective and my attitude towards life. I am spending a month finding one simple happiness every single day and documenting it. I am going to thrive with my diabetes and learn as much as I can about it. I am going to fight everyday to have control over my life, because it is just that, my life. I am going to let my passions consume me, and let it propel my life into a better place. I have talent that I have neglected, and I am not going to anymore. Everyday I will ask for strength and endurance, not the easy way out.

 "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." 

Help!

June 19, 2014

 Lately I have been very self conscious about everything that I do. I worry that people take pity on me because of my disease. I sometimes don't get included in physically straining activities because my blood sugar could possibly drop. I feel like I get singled out a lot for things that I can't control. If I don't wear makeup and my blood sugar is high, I look very ill, and tired. People seem to notice that quite a lot, and never really understand what it means. If my blood sugar is low, my face will go white as a sheet and I become very weak. I think that people sometimes mistake my appearances, and my weakness during a low blood sugar episode as how I am all of the time. I have struggled a lot recently because I am just trying to get a handle on everything. I am not used to the highs and lows. I am not used to my emotions that are in direct relation to my blood sugar. I am not used to smiling all of the time when I am physically ill at least once a day, every day. I am not used to being angry for no reason, other than high blood sugar. I am not used to being irrational because my blood sugar is low. I appreciate very much everyone who takes the time to notice that I am not feeling well and trying to help. I also appreciate the people who don't notice and expect me to be the same as I always am, no matter how much I want to deck them at the time for not understanding. I am not a weak person, even when I am weak. I would rather push myself to my limits, just to see what my limits are.

 I have been reading a lot of blogs and articles in relation to diabetes, and people's experiences with it. Even if I know everything that they are writing about, I find it comforting to know that I am not alone in my battles. Even though everyone is having different battles, I know that we are facing very similar things. I take comfort in that, and I keep reading because those people were vulnerable and put their words out into the world, simply because they thought that someone was worth helping. I used to be very stubborn about asking for help. I knew I was a strong person from the very beginning, but I have recently come to realize that the most strong people are the ones who put their pride aside and ask for assistance when they need it. I am not ashamed to ask for help anymore, because I know that the one's who help me believe that I am worth helping. The one's who help show that there is truly amazing people left in this world. The one's who help give me hope.

I've Finally Found It!

June 6, 2014

I competed last year in the Miss Utah USA pageant for my very first time. I thought I would only do it the one time, and then I would just call it good. Well, after I did the pageant I realized how life changing it is. It's not about dressing up and looking pretty. It's about the preparation beforehand. It gives you practice on your interview skills, it helps you manage your time, talking to strangers becomes a breeze, your confidence increases tremendously, and you become the healthiest version of yourself. It was an experience that I could never replace. I don't think there is anything in this world that challenges you quite like a pageant. It really was a very rewarding experience for me. I debated for months after the pageant if I would compete again, and I just felt like I should. I knew I needed a goal for this year, and I have finally decided what it is. I couldn't be more excited!

This year I will have my insulin pump and I plan on wearing it the entire competition. I will be wearing it on stage in swimwear, and evening gown. This year my goal is not to win the pageant, it's to merely be on the stage with my pump. Let me tell you why this is so important to me.

Diabetes is not a glamorous disease by any means. You have to give yourself shots, check your blood sugar by pricking your finger, and changing the site of your insulin pump. You can get bruises from your shots. You get little red marks from every shot you take, at least for a little while. Your fingers are callused from all of the finger pricks, and you can see the marks from the lancet. When you change the site for your insulin pump you will have scars (Not something I know firsthand, yet). There is tubing attached to your pump that is your new favorite accessory. To sum it up for you, diabetes is far from a glamorous disease. Being someone who has diabetes, and is involved in pageantry it makes sense to me that I should proudly showcase both of them.

My goal this year is to make such an ugly disease as glamorous as I possibly can. To bring awareness to all that you deal with as a diabetic, and hopefully open some eyes to the disease.

The statement I'd like to make with my insulin pump, is that you are beautiful no matter the disease, no matter the shape, no matter the terminal illness. No matter who you are, you are a beautiful person, inside and out.

I'm embracing this disease that I was given. It's going to be one of my strongest passions, and the best way of living. I am going to do something to help others. To help little girls who might not find themselves appealing simply because of the pump they wear that keeps them alive. Actually, to help anyone who struggles with their image based on something that's attached to them.

There's no cure for type 1 diabetes. There is a cure for the insecurities attached to it.


If you'd like to follow my journey with the pageant this year I'll be posting more to my Facebook page.


If you'd like to help support me this year I am asking for donations for the fees of the venue, and my dress you can go here: http://www.gofundme.com/KarrieForMissUT2015

Everything that is donated, and all of the sponsors I gain, I plan on paying it forward 100%. There will be more to come on how in a few weeks. Thank you in advance for all of your support.

Girls: We Just Don't Get It.

May 14, 2014

We think that we know everything, and that may be true for a lot of things, but there's one thing we'll never get; We are beautiful. We never will understand that each and every one of us are absolutely beautiful in our own perfect way. We were made perfectly for the lives that we will lead. Some of us have diseases that show on our bodies, and some of us were born without limbs. We are each different in our perfectly unique ways. We will each be an inspiration to the people around us in the way that we present ourselves, and the confidence we let shine.

Yet, all of us struggle with body image. We struggle with being confident in our skin, and thinking we aren't enough. Why? Because the magazines tell us we aren't as beautiful as the actresses on the cover? Bull! We are just as beautiful! The only thing that they have on their side is photo shop. I'd say that they also have confidence on their side, but I can't be sure. There could be some actresses out there who are just as self-conscious as you or I. Have you not seen those covers of the same actresses when they are caught without makeup or having a bad day? They are just like us.

Comparing ourselves to others is the exact reason why we have self-conscious teens taking their own lives, because they feel they aren't enough. We all do it. We sit and compare ourselves to others, and nitpick every single thing we don't like about ourselves and others. We've got it in our brains that the only way we can feel better about ourselves is by pointing out the flaws in others. It's true that we find flaws in others that are our own worst flaws. We're doing ourselves an injustice by putting others down. Especially when one of the best things we can do to build our happiness is by building other people up. Giving them compliments, and appreciating all of the unique people who live around us, who make the world better with their unique traits, is exactly what will makes us feel 100 times happier.

This idea that we have got in our heads of the ideal look, the perfect body shape, the perfect makeup, or the perfect hairstyle is completely bogus. It's all of us trying to have something exactly like the person who first introduced it. Well let me tell you something, it won't ever look like it does on them, because our body shape is completely different, we don't have the same facial structure, our head does not have the same hair line, or thick hair, and we are not the same person! We don't understand how much our lives are being altered because we are trying to be beautiful.

When I was in the eighth grade I was trying to help my friends who were bulimic, or anorexic. I made sure that the bathroom was not accessible and that food wasn't an option. I could never understand the need to take such drastic measures to alter your body. I understand now how easy it must have been to feel inadequate in their own body. The pressures of having the perfect body shape is something no one should feel.

I have recently been on the other side of eating disorders and insecurities. I have just realized that I had an issue without even knowing. It has become more apparent now that I am some what of a binge eater. I will go all day without eating anything, or hardly anything. Then when I finally get to eat, I eat quite a bit. I have become even worse about it because I don't like taking shots with every meal. :/ I would rather take 1 shot for all of my meals than 4 or 5 a day. I know that's not how it's supposed to be, and it's not healthy. It sure is easier though!

Recently with the diabetes I have struggled a lot with my body image. At first I was losing a lot of weight, I got down to 105 lbs when my blood sugar was high. I thinned out a lot because my body was struggling. Then when I was diagnosed I started to go to the gym a lot more frequently. I started to gain amazing self confidence and I was loving how I looked. Well, then I got in a funk and stopped taking my insulin, which again made me lose a lot of weight. I didn't change hardly at all at that time because I was losing more weight. Now that I am taking insulin and haven't been a frequent gym goer I have gained a lot of weight. It's been hard to have all of these changes happen and is confusing on your brain about your body image. To be honest with you I am the same size I was before I got sick, and a healthy weight for my height and age. I am becoming so healthy, and I don't look sick anymore and yet I still have a hard time with my body image.

Why? I shouldn't have a problem at all. I am still a relatively very small girl, and I am not overweight. I am bothered because I know that at one point I had more muscle definition than this, and now that's gone. It's sad to me that girls will be so upset about their body image simply because they aren't someone else's size, shape, or have their muscle definition. Seriously? We should be proud that we aren't like someone else! You are you, and no one can do that better than you. Size shouldn't matter, health should matter. Muscle definition shouldn't matter, health should matter. Shape shouldn't matter, health should matter. Insecurities don't matter, happiness matters. That's what is going to outshine your muscle definition, shape, or size. People can see your happiness radiate from you. They will see that you are healthy, and happy and they won't even notice if your pants don't fit quite right, or that they might be a little too big. I know that it is a lot easier said than done to stop worrying about your body image. I have battled with feeling too big, or too little, and it's not worth it. It just adds extra stress to your body, and let's be honest, that doesn't help at all!

Our bodies are absolutely amazing. We are made to make humans, who can say that!? Your body is functioning and it will make extra space for all of the food you are eating, or the baby you are carrying. We have amazing bodies. We should be so proud of ourselves, because we deal with a lot! Don't stress yourself out because you put on weight, or you are too small. You're beautiful and you know what? Everyone can see that except for yourself. Open your eyes! As much as we say that we get it, we just don't get it. Ladies, have some confidence, because you are incredible.