I'm a Slacker :/

April 11, 2013

 I am getting so bad at this! I don't know why but I just get exhausted after going to work and doing very small chores and crossing the smallest things off of my to do list. I have been so bad I haven't even gone to the gym! I have the ambition and motivation to write and go to the gym and cross off more on my to do list the only problem is that it's stuck in my head. I can't put my ambition and motivation to good use at the moment. It's alright though because everyone needs a break. You can't work 24/7 your whole life or you'll die from exhaustion. I would like to die from natural causes so if I just am not up for something I am not going to do it. 

 It is getting much easier to get up and go to work though because I like being there. I like doing something and feeling like I've accomplished something even if the only benefit to me is a paycheck. There's nothing wrong with going to work just to get a paycheck. There are a lot of people all over who do the exact same thing. The problem is when it starts to just mentally and physically drain you. I still feel generally happy and A-Okay in my health so I am not worrying too much about my current job situation. :) 

 Even without going to the gym my blood sugar levels have started to even out and come back down to normal. I love that. :) You really have no idea how the silliest of things can make such a difference in your life until you have to notice. I notice when my blood sugar stays level how much happier I am. Other people who lose limbs or senses notice all the little things they enjoyed or that were so easy and now they are a lot more difficult. I'm not saying that having diabetes is anywhere close to losing limbs or senses but I do think there are similarities. Just in the fact that I have had to adjust and I now appreciate some of the little things I never did before, so do they. 

 The pen has been an awesome change! It is so convenient and easy I don't know how I did without it before! At first I was worried it wasn't working because my glucose levels were off the charts. Now I just think it was bad timing for the switch to the pen. I was sick when I switched and being sick doesn't help your levels at all. They were ridiculously out of whack for that week because my body is adjusting to all new things. Luckily, now I know how it kind of is when I'm sick and how to deal with it better. There are blessings in everything, you just have to be willing to look. 

Sibling Appreciation Day

April 10, 2013
 Today is sibling appreciation day. I can honestly say I have the best siblings in the whole world. They are always there when I need to talk or advice or even just a huge laugh. I am always laughing around my siblings.

 Today I spent a lot of time with my sister Heather at her house. It was so relaxing and fun. I also saw how much she makes from scratch because of all the bad added ingredients in store bought foods. A lot of the stuff she made was so easy and delicious. It even had a low amount of carbohydrates and I just love that! That means I can have a lot of it. It was so great to relax and yet learn while I was there. Talking with my siblings about things that happened in the past is always a great way to get some laughs in and just feel better.

 When I was on the way home my pain came back in my abdomen  I wish it was constant or didn't happen at all. That is so much easier to diagnose than a random disappearing pain. I am really wishing it's nothing serious and will just give up on bugging me. I didn't end up going to the gym tonight.. I am just feeling lazy which is fine I just need to get back on the ball. I will get back into the gym groove. :)

Just One Foot in Front of The Other..

April 9, 2013
 Has anyone noticed I've been putting March instead of April? I sure didn't haha. I had to go back and change all of the dates on the previous posts because apparently I've lost my mind. I'm starting to wonder if my body is really angry at me for all of this. I got strep throat and I now have abdominal pains and I'm not sure why. I wish I knew what the pains were from. They are a familiar kind of pain which isn't good because that puts my chances of having kids at risk. The pain is also cutting into my work and gym time. I don't have time for random pains that I have no explanation for.

 There is so much going on in my regular life that adding in all of these health problems is a real pain in my tush. Worse than that shot I had there. This one isn't even literal and it is more of an annoyance than a shot in my tush. That is pretty dang bad. I am just hoping that everything will somehow become less stressful and less of an annoyance.

 This week is dedicated to getting all of my normal life affairs in order. As well as figuring out this dang pain because it's killing me! Things will get better. Things will get easier. Life will all be worth it eventually.

Back to Business

April 8, 2013
Since I've been sick with strep throat I haven't been to the gym but tonight is my first night back! I am so excited to be here because I've missed it. I'm hoping that my body is acting up because it's missed the gym as well. My blood sugar has spiked so randomly and stayed higher. I'm worried that my honeymoon phase is over now and I will have to start adjusting my insulin accordingly. We will have to see later this month what the doctor says. I'm hoping by then I can have it pretty regulated back down to normal. I'm always hoping something lately. It's not always just hoping though, most the time it's followed by me working for it.
Today I started to get weird pains in my side after work. I'm really hoping that they were just random and don't plan on coming back. I don't know if I can handle another health issue. It seems like it's just issue after issue lately. I'm hoping that gets much better after I've learned to manage this.
I think it's about time that I go to the store and get some more vegetables. Man do I miss those things. I know that's not normal but I'm craving them. I've also been craving a lot of sweets which isn't helpful to my new diagnosis. Ugh I am just hoping this all gets easier and more manageable. I just need to get my life back on track and keep moving forward.

Don't Make Me Go Back!

April 7, 2013
 The last few days I have just relaxed and done whatever I wanted to. I do not want to go back into the week and have to actually go to work. Does someone just want to pay me to relax? I would very much appreciate it.

 I've had to really watch my blood sugar levels today because they keep getting higher. I'm not quite sure what has changed but they are driving me crazy. I just want them back to normal. I'm worried that with this pen I'm not getting all of the insulin I should be. That makes me a little worried because I have no way of knowing if I am getting all the insulin I need or not. I have a feeling it will be a long couple of days while I figure all of it out. Luckily this week I have a follow up meeting with my dietitian so I can get some more food ideas. :) I love food.

 I am really hoping that this next week goes smoothly. I work a lot which can be a good thing and a very very bad thing. I am hoping it's the good part. I don't know if I can handle a long bad week. It will be the last thing I need. Then again I thought strep was the last thing I needed. I am getting used to jokes that aren't funny.

New Things

April 6, 2013
 I finally got out of the house today. I was starting to go a little crazy not being able to be around people! It's incredible how fast that shot actually started to work though. I was feeling better by the next day, today I can hardly tell I was sick at all. That's incredible what they have come up with since all the new technology. :) I'm happy to live in the world that I do.

 I got some needle tips for my insulin pen. I used up one of my bottles so now I get to start using my insulin pen. :) I used it the first time and I don't think I did it quite right. I got it right the second time though. It really is so much easier and quicker to use. Now that I have my little needle tips I can take my insulin with me anywhere and use it. This is becoming more and more convenient for me.

 It's so sad that this is the most excitement I have had the last couple days. I have been so tired and just sleeping the last few days because I just have no energy at all. I guess in a weird way it's been good because I have gotten a lot of sleep lately. However, I would like to have more energy and just be able to keep going and not feel tired after one trip to get needle tips. Hopefully, I will get back to the gym next week and my energy levels will just jump right up! Hopefully.

I've Been Thinking...

April 5, 2013
 I've been thinking about my last couple of posts and how angry I am. I've been thinking that it's completely alright. I have my whole life to be on good terms with my diabetes, I don't have my whole life to be angry about it. I mean I'm sure I could stay angry forever but what kind of life would I live? I've been so great with all of this since I found out and just taken it as it comes and dealt with it. I haven't truly been angry or let myself think about how big of a life change this is. Not fully anyways. I think that it is very healthy for me to be angry right now and upset because it is a part of the process. I know that doing it now is much better than a couple years from now when I can't do something I really want because it won't be good for my health. If I am angry now I will be able to get that out of the way and I won't spend the rest of my life consumed by anger because I have an illness that will be with me forever. I know that I can't be mad forever, today I am not even really that mad, today I don't even really care, it's just my life. If I wait to be angry I will be incredibly unhappy and I won't be able to have a full life because all of the anger is consuming me.. I understand that there will be times that my diabetes is a real pain in the butt, but isn't there always something that will make it harder to do what you want? Your mom not letting you do what you want because it's dangerous, you have to go to work to earn money so you can't go on that trip to the mall with your buddies, you don't have enough money to go on the cruise, etc etc. Why is this any different? It's not. This is just my constant reminder to stay healthy and keep an eye on myself. It is healthy for me to be angry every once in a while as long as it doesn't consume my life or last very long. I think in the next couple months I won't be angry at all, this will just be how it is. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I'm actually looking forward to having all of that anger out of the way so I can enjoy my life.

 I also wonder if my spirit and mind are a whole lot stronger than my body. I think they are very upset how poorly my body is functioning and acting out. My mind keeps telling me that I can do this and I feel strong enough that I can and then I'm reminded by my dumb body how weak it is. It's just starting to fail with all of these new things I am doing and I would like it to knock it off! I don't have time for a weak body. I take it to the gym, I feed it, I rest it, what more do you want dumb body? Would anyone like to give me a stronger body? One that can handle diabetes or better yet doesn't even have diabetes? I'd appreciate it.