I've Been Thinking...

April 5, 2013
 I've been thinking about my last couple of posts and how angry I am. I've been thinking that it's completely alright. I have my whole life to be on good terms with my diabetes, I don't have my whole life to be angry about it. I mean I'm sure I could stay angry forever but what kind of life would I live? I've been so great with all of this since I found out and just taken it as it comes and dealt with it. I haven't truly been angry or let myself think about how big of a life change this is. Not fully anyways. I think that it is very healthy for me to be angry right now and upset because it is a part of the process. I know that doing it now is much better than a couple years from now when I can't do something I really want because it won't be good for my health. If I am angry now I will be able to get that out of the way and I won't spend the rest of my life consumed by anger because I have an illness that will be with me forever. I know that I can't be mad forever, today I am not even really that mad, today I don't even really care, it's just my life. If I wait to be angry I will be incredibly unhappy and I won't be able to have a full life because all of the anger is consuming me.. I understand that there will be times that my diabetes is a real pain in the butt, but isn't there always something that will make it harder to do what you want? Your mom not letting you do what you want because it's dangerous, you have to go to work to earn money so you can't go on that trip to the mall with your buddies, you don't have enough money to go on the cruise, etc etc. Why is this any different? It's not. This is just my constant reminder to stay healthy and keep an eye on myself. It is healthy for me to be angry every once in a while as long as it doesn't consume my life or last very long. I think in the next couple months I won't be angry at all, this will just be how it is. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I'm actually looking forward to having all of that anger out of the way so I can enjoy my life.

 I also wonder if my spirit and mind are a whole lot stronger than my body. I think they are very upset how poorly my body is functioning and acting out. My mind keeps telling me that I can do this and I feel strong enough that I can and then I'm reminded by my dumb body how weak it is. It's just starting to fail with all of these new things I am doing and I would like it to knock it off! I don't have time for a weak body. I take it to the gym, I feed it, I rest it, what more do you want dumb body? Would anyone like to give me a stronger body? One that can handle diabetes or better yet doesn't even have diabetes? I'd appreciate it.