March 31, 2013
This whole goal thing will work out just fine! :) The rest of today has turned out so great. I was more positive, I actually went and did things instead of staying inside sleeping. Granted I am very tired and ready for bed but I did have a great day and actually enjoyed myself. I do feel a little bit sick and I don't know if I'm just tired or I am starting to get sick or what my deal is. I am going to have to watch that really closely and my insulin intake because if I'm sick and I take too much insulin it could be very bad for me.
I don't know if I'll make my 1,000 views by the end of tonight because it is getting much later. I will let you know for sure in the morning how close I was but I just don't think that many people are interested on Easter Sunday of all days. I just wanted to write an extra post for today telling you how well my goals are already starting to work. I am very excited about this. :) Maybe I won't be so moody and I will get more accomplished! Here's to hoping and to all of you who read this and support me.
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Happy Easter!
March 31, 2013
Happy Easter everyone! :) Today has been kind of bitter sweet this year. I loved this holiday because of all the candy and those delicious Reese's eggs. Oh my goodness those eggs are my favorite things in the world. So are Cadbury eggs. Well one little Reese's egg is about half the carbohydrates for on of my whole meals. That's just a little bit ridiculous, so as you can imagine candy is out of the question for little old Karrie. It's not like this is an awful thing, a lot of candy isn't good for you anyways and I feel very healthy without it. I guess it just gets to me because that's one of the things I have to be more careful about than everyone else without diabetes. I have to watch everything I eat and I can't just binge on candy all day or I will get very very sick. Everyone else probably will to their bodies will just be able to work it out eventually on it's own. My body doesn't have that privilege anymore. I know there is bad and good to absolutely everything, I am just starting to see more of the downsides of this or the inconveniences if you will. I know there are a lot of benefits to it: I found out really early and it's going to help for when I am older, there's a lot more modern technology to help me with this, I am getting healthier, I work out a lot more, I have a lot more self control, I am stronger than I thought and I am learning a lot more patience. I realize that there are going to be a lot of times I have to put my health and my needs before my wants. That means when I want to eat whatever I want or if I wanted to do a lot of strenuous activities I would have to keep a very close eye on my blood sugar level. I have to really think ahead with everything I do now and be very careful that I don't make this any worse for myself. That doesn't mean I can't do everything I want to in life it just means I have to find new ways to do it to be healthier. I have been thinking about it a lot and I think my body was killing off the cells I need for a very long time and it only got worse recently. I always had days where everything was just so crystal clear that it was unbelievable. Then there were days where everything was all just kind of a blur and I just felt weird. It's very possible that I'm just now saying everything has something to do with my diabetes because in ways it makes sense and then I won't have to wonder anymore. I just know that I was meant to get this because it is something I have to learn from. There are many things I'm learning already about myself and what I need to change and do better. There is something from this that is going to help me the rest of my life and I just have to stop thinking of how inconvenient and sad it is that I can't do a lot of the things I used to. I just wasn't supposed to live like I was. I'm supposed to be healthy and exercise and eat right. I am supposed to have patience and be stronger and know I can do the things I never thought I'd have to. This is not supposed to make me or bring me down. It's only supposed to strengthen me and help me in the future.
I've started to find that it helps me to be able to help people do the things I can't. I love baking or making yummy things that I can't necessarily eat right now and helps to be able to do it. It's kind of weird but it's almost like if I can still make the things but not eat them then I don't feel as deprived. I really do think I will be doing something that will be helping others or baking in my own diabetic cupcake shop. There's a world full of possibilities that I can do I just haven't decided which one is right for me yet. I loved this morning waking up and watching Brett look through his Easter basket and eat the candy. I really don't want to be cut off from it all just because I can't be as involved because that just makes life so much sadder. I love being able to be around people and they still eat sweets or work out really hard, I just don't and that's fine. The world doesn't need to stop living because I have diabetes. My family doesn't need to go on the same diet and cut out anything sugar in their lives because I'm diabetic. If I cut myself off completely from everything I can't do it will be so much harder later on to be able to be around it and not participate. I can't hide from this and I can't take a day off. Why sit and pretend that I can? That will only make it worse for myself and I will sit here and feel sorry for myself and not get anything done. This is something I have to face head on and just deal with anything that comes my way. Yes, I do feel sad sometimes, but I think that is very reasonable considering the big life change that this is.
I have just been thinking so much the last few days. A lot of them I have been feeling really down or just really moody. I don't really know what's gotten into me the last few days. I think I have just had a lot of time to myself and I've just been thinking. It's really started to hit hard how different my life is going to be, it's a good thing it's just really stressful and sometimes hard to handle. My biggest thought lately is how grateful I am to have the people in my life that I do. They always try to help me anyway they can. I get a lot of picture messages or text messages of certain foods and their carbohydrates and how many I can eat of them. It's kind of funny because now everyone I'm around looks at the carbohydrates on packages just to see what it is. I really appreciate that the people in my life don't cause me stress or drama and how supportive they are. I couldn't have asked for better people to be around while I go through this life change. Thank you for everyone who has been there for me. :)
Now, I have to set some goals for myself to help me get back to normal. At least somewhat normal. I'm going to work out 6 days a week and then the seventh day I will just go outside and read or take a small walk. I'm just going to get some sun and exercise and see if that helps even out some of my moods. I definitely have to get my moods somewhat in check because right now it is driving me crazy to be so moody everyday. I can go from being in an awesome mood to just blahhh or so grumpy. It really is driving me nuts and I'm sure everyone around me nuts as well. Next goal is to keep very organized and have my meals more planned out. It's a lot quicker that way to get through the day. My last goal is to be very positive, I know I am going to have more days where it will be very easy to feel down and sorry for myself and I just can't allow it. It isn't helping at all to feel sorry for myself. Oh I also need to start reading more and taking more pictures. I need to start doing things I enjoy instead of focusing more on my diabetes.
Today, I am happy to be surrounded by family and have some normality. Today starts working on my goals and trying to be a happier person. I am determined that today will be a better day. :)
Happy Easter everyone! :) Today has been kind of bitter sweet this year. I loved this holiday because of all the candy and those delicious Reese's eggs. Oh my goodness those eggs are my favorite things in the world. So are Cadbury eggs. Well one little Reese's egg is about half the carbohydrates for on of my whole meals. That's just a little bit ridiculous, so as you can imagine candy is out of the question for little old Karrie. It's not like this is an awful thing, a lot of candy isn't good for you anyways and I feel very healthy without it. I guess it just gets to me because that's one of the things I have to be more careful about than everyone else without diabetes. I have to watch everything I eat and I can't just binge on candy all day or I will get very very sick. Everyone else probably will to their bodies will just be able to work it out eventually on it's own. My body doesn't have that privilege anymore. I know there is bad and good to absolutely everything, I am just starting to see more of the downsides of this or the inconveniences if you will. I know there are a lot of benefits to it: I found out really early and it's going to help for when I am older, there's a lot more modern technology to help me with this, I am getting healthier, I work out a lot more, I have a lot more self control, I am stronger than I thought and I am learning a lot more patience. I realize that there are going to be a lot of times I have to put my health and my needs before my wants. That means when I want to eat whatever I want or if I wanted to do a lot of strenuous activities I would have to keep a very close eye on my blood sugar level. I have to really think ahead with everything I do now and be very careful that I don't make this any worse for myself. That doesn't mean I can't do everything I want to in life it just means I have to find new ways to do it to be healthier. I have been thinking about it a lot and I think my body was killing off the cells I need for a very long time and it only got worse recently. I always had days where everything was just so crystal clear that it was unbelievable. Then there were days where everything was all just kind of a blur and I just felt weird. It's very possible that I'm just now saying everything has something to do with my diabetes because in ways it makes sense and then I won't have to wonder anymore. I just know that I was meant to get this because it is something I have to learn from. There are many things I'm learning already about myself and what I need to change and do better. There is something from this that is going to help me the rest of my life and I just have to stop thinking of how inconvenient and sad it is that I can't do a lot of the things I used to. I just wasn't supposed to live like I was. I'm supposed to be healthy and exercise and eat right. I am supposed to have patience and be stronger and know I can do the things I never thought I'd have to. This is not supposed to make me or bring me down. It's only supposed to strengthen me and help me in the future.
I've started to find that it helps me to be able to help people do the things I can't. I love baking or making yummy things that I can't necessarily eat right now and helps to be able to do it. It's kind of weird but it's almost like if I can still make the things but not eat them then I don't feel as deprived. I really do think I will be doing something that will be helping others or baking in my own diabetic cupcake shop. There's a world full of possibilities that I can do I just haven't decided which one is right for me yet. I loved this morning waking up and watching Brett look through his Easter basket and eat the candy. I really don't want to be cut off from it all just because I can't be as involved because that just makes life so much sadder. I love being able to be around people and they still eat sweets or work out really hard, I just don't and that's fine. The world doesn't need to stop living because I have diabetes. My family doesn't need to go on the same diet and cut out anything sugar in their lives because I'm diabetic. If I cut myself off completely from everything I can't do it will be so much harder later on to be able to be around it and not participate. I can't hide from this and I can't take a day off. Why sit and pretend that I can? That will only make it worse for myself and I will sit here and feel sorry for myself and not get anything done. This is something I have to face head on and just deal with anything that comes my way. Yes, I do feel sad sometimes, but I think that is very reasonable considering the big life change that this is.I have just been thinking so much the last few days. A lot of them I have been feeling really down or just really moody. I don't really know what's gotten into me the last few days. I think I have just had a lot of time to myself and I've just been thinking. It's really started to hit hard how different my life is going to be, it's a good thing it's just really stressful and sometimes hard to handle. My biggest thought lately is how grateful I am to have the people in my life that I do. They always try to help me anyway they can. I get a lot of picture messages or text messages of certain foods and their carbohydrates and how many I can eat of them. It's kind of funny because now everyone I'm around looks at the carbohydrates on packages just to see what it is. I really appreciate that the people in my life don't cause me stress or drama and how supportive they are. I couldn't have asked for better people to be around while I go through this life change. Thank you for everyone who has been there for me. :)
Now, I have to set some goals for myself to help me get back to normal. At least somewhat normal. I'm going to work out 6 days a week and then the seventh day I will just go outside and read or take a small walk. I'm just going to get some sun and exercise and see if that helps even out some of my moods. I definitely have to get my moods somewhat in check because right now it is driving me crazy to be so moody everyday. I can go from being in an awesome mood to just blahhh or so grumpy. It really is driving me nuts and I'm sure everyone around me nuts as well. Next goal is to keep very organized and have my meals more planned out. It's a lot quicker that way to get through the day. My last goal is to be very positive, I know I am going to have more days where it will be very easy to feel down and sorry for myself and I just can't allow it. It isn't helping at all to feel sorry for myself. Oh I also need to start reading more and taking more pictures. I need to start doing things I enjoy instead of focusing more on my diabetes.Today, I am happy to be surrounded by family and have some normality. Today starts working on my goals and trying to be a happier person. I am determined that today will be a better day. :)
Easter Eve
March 30, 2013
This work thing is getting a little bit easier.. Only by a little bit though. I tend to have the most difficult sittings lately which I guess happens but not when I'm so tired! I'm getting better at my job though. I am so happy when I can come home and take a nap after. I don't do well lately when I'm tired. My mood swings are ridiculous as well. I get so grumpy and I couldn't tell you why. I don't have the slightest idea why I switch moods so quickly. Napping is not just for toddlers, it is most definitely for big kids too!
That's about as eventful as my day got and then we celebrated Easter Eve. We got to color some eggs and Skype for over 2 hours to be crafty with my sister in a whole other state. It's incredible the technology we have now where we can visit for that long from states away. It kind of made me sad though because Easter has always been a holiday for candy and treats, now I have to be extremely careful and watch everything I'm eating. It's hard to feel normal when you have so many things you need to do differently. I have to plan all of my meals out and make sure I have my insulin with me before I can eat anything. I hope that at some point I will start to feel normal again and not want treats so much.
I haven't worked out the last couple days. I will start working out on Monday, I just think I need a break!! The weekend is a way to do it. :) I feel so much better when I work out. Maybe that's why I'm so moody. Nah, I think I was just born that way! My new goal is to get my emotions in check. They are too wild even for me! I am far too tired to keep blogging! So, for now I believe it's time to go to bed and say goodnight! :)
This work thing is getting a little bit easier.. Only by a little bit though. I tend to have the most difficult sittings lately which I guess happens but not when I'm so tired! I'm getting better at my job though. I am so happy when I can come home and take a nap after. I don't do well lately when I'm tired. My mood swings are ridiculous as well. I get so grumpy and I couldn't tell you why. I don't have the slightest idea why I switch moods so quickly. Napping is not just for toddlers, it is most definitely for big kids too!
That's about as eventful as my day got and then we celebrated Easter Eve. We got to color some eggs and Skype for over 2 hours to be crafty with my sister in a whole other state. It's incredible the technology we have now where we can visit for that long from states away. It kind of made me sad though because Easter has always been a holiday for candy and treats, now I have to be extremely careful and watch everything I'm eating. It's hard to feel normal when you have so many things you need to do differently. I have to plan all of my meals out and make sure I have my insulin with me before I can eat anything. I hope that at some point I will start to feel normal again and not want treats so much.I haven't worked out the last couple days. I will start working out on Monday, I just think I need a break!! The weekend is a way to do it. :) I feel so much better when I work out. Maybe that's why I'm so moody. Nah, I think I was just born that way! My new goal is to get my emotions in check. They are too wild even for me! I am far too tired to keep blogging! So, for now I believe it's time to go to bed and say goodnight! :)
Friday, March 29, 2013
It's That Diabetic Thing
March 29, 2013
I'm starting to really love my job more and more every day! :) I used to go and try to get out of doing sittings but now I just take them right away. Photography, writing, and exercise have really been my main releases for any type of stress I'm having. That really is so great to have ways that I can just let go of everything. It's starting to hit me now just how sensitive everything is. I run the risk of ending up in very bad shape and potentially in the hospital if I don't eat enough or I'm too active with little food. It's just a very scary thought so I'm glad I have those releases. Even though at work or home my blood sugar has random highs and lows and my body is starting to recognize them more.
Today after work it was great because I got to see a lot of family and just joke and laugh. It was my grandmas 82nd birthday and we celebrated my nephews first as well. love my family more than anything in the world and they are so supportive and interested in everything I'm doing. It's so funny because I'll randomly get texts with information they find out or pictures of things I can eat or read. It really is awesome how helpful and supportive they are. Extended family and all. I truly am blessed with who was put in my life.
Now I get to relax after all the commotion is over and just watch the Jazz game and movies with my best friend Jake. Then of course I will throw in a little work out, maybe some Pilates. For now, I think I was productive enough that I get a break! :) I hope your day was as great as mine.
Family Time
March 28, 2013
Work is becoming just a daily thing now which I write about. It's great for me though, I've missed working regularly. It really wasn't that bad of a day. I had some great sittings and even got to go home an hour early. I did drop under my blood sugar limit though after my last sitting. It was a little scary because my hands just started shaking. It's really interesting to see the difference blood sugar can make in how you feel. I guess that's why it's always good to eat healthy and exercise even if you don't need to.
After work I got to see my cute nephews! I was so excited to see them and now the rest of the weekend I get to hang out with them. After work of course! Which I wish I didn't have to but that's alright. I'll get over it. :) I am just excited that Jessica is in town with her boys and I get to hang out with them. There were a lot of great laughs tonight and it almost made it hard to even try to get to the gym. I'm glad I went though.
It's so strange to see how much your priorities change. Now I'm all about going to the gym and getting fit and of course I am all about the vegetables now. I get so sad when I don't get my fix or my gym time in. It really makes a difference when you start being more healthy and taking care of yourself. You'll feel great after couple months! Just try one new healthy thing a week and you can get healthy with me! :)
Work is becoming just a daily thing now which I write about. It's great for me though, I've missed working regularly. It really wasn't that bad of a day. I had some great sittings and even got to go home an hour early. I did drop under my blood sugar limit though after my last sitting. It was a little scary because my hands just started shaking. It's really interesting to see the difference blood sugar can make in how you feel. I guess that's why it's always good to eat healthy and exercise even if you don't need to.
After work I got to see my cute nephews! I was so excited to see them and now the rest of the weekend I get to hang out with them. After work of course! Which I wish I didn't have to but that's alright. I'll get over it. :) I am just excited that Jessica is in town with her boys and I get to hang out with them. There were a lot of great laughs tonight and it almost made it hard to even try to get to the gym. I'm glad I went though.
It's so strange to see how much your priorities change. Now I'm all about going to the gym and getting fit and of course I am all about the vegetables now. I get so sad when I don't get my fix or my gym time in. It really makes a difference when you start being more healthy and taking care of yourself. You'll feel great after couple months! Just try one new healthy thing a week and you can get healthy with me! :)
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Fantastic Hospital Folk
March 27, 2013
This one is just as a general thank you to the entire staff who helped me while I was in the hospital. They were so patient with me when I was learning and so understanding. I really couldn't have asked for better people to be there and help me. All they really wanted to do was help and make sure I had everything I needed and felt as comfortable as possible. The staff was so positive and really just tried to make it as easy as it could be for me. To them I owe a huge thanks because it really did help immensely to have such wonderful people routing for me.
I also have to say thank you to my dietitians who are helping me now and my regular doctor. It really does give me hope that within a couple of months this will all just be so natural and I won't have hardly any problems with it. I of course am very appreciative of the insurance companies for helping me to afford all of this and really use all of the resources I have available to me. It is such a huge stress reliever knowing that all of these people who have so many resources at their fingertips are just here to help me and I couldn't be more grateful.
You know I am so grateful for my whole family and all of my friends and to everyone who reads this because just by reading you are giving me so much support. Seeing all of the views my page gets really makes me want to be so positive and get through this and be someone that will be a help to others. Whether it's with diabetes or just finding ways to be positive I hope that this helps someone, while at the same time it helps me to face this and feel strong. Thank you for reading and supporting me in all of this. :)
This one is just as a general thank you to the entire staff who helped me while I was in the hospital. They were so patient with me when I was learning and so understanding. I really couldn't have asked for better people to be there and help me. All they really wanted to do was help and make sure I had everything I needed and felt as comfortable as possible. The staff was so positive and really just tried to make it as easy as it could be for me. To them I owe a huge thanks because it really did help immensely to have such wonderful people routing for me.
I also have to say thank you to my dietitians who are helping me now and my regular doctor. It really does give me hope that within a couple of months this will all just be so natural and I won't have hardly any problems with it. I of course am very appreciative of the insurance companies for helping me to afford all of this and really use all of the resources I have available to me. It is such a huge stress reliever knowing that all of these people who have so many resources at their fingertips are just here to help me and I couldn't be more grateful.
You know I am so grateful for my whole family and all of my friends and to everyone who reads this because just by reading you are giving me so much support. Seeing all of the views my page gets really makes me want to be so positive and get through this and be someone that will be a help to others. Whether it's with diabetes or just finding ways to be positive I hope that this helps someone, while at the same time it helps me to face this and feel strong. Thank you for reading and supporting me in all of this. :)
Work, Work, Work
March 27, 2013
I am extremely excited to be able to work more hours now. :) I am only getting a few more but it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. I just feel more productive and that I'm actually doing something with my life. Today I started at my new job which I think will actually be really great for me. I'm working for an awesome family and I honestly don't mind the work. I have always been really good at cleaning when I put my mind to it so I think this will be really great for me. I also worked my job at JC Penney right after that. I was on my own today so I took all of the pictures and it was actually really fun. I love taking pictures so much and I love it even more when they people I took them of love them too. I'm going to start taking pictures more with my own camera out of the studio because it really is such a great release for me. Not that this blog isn't I just think I need quite a few ways to get rid of stress now.
I learned today I even love having my routine. I love eating 3 meals a day and eating so healthy. Not that every meal is but I actually miss my fruits and veggies when I don't eat as healthy. I'm getting very good at making meals fast as well. Before it used to take me an hour or so just to find all of the foods and make them to fit my carbohydrate needs. Now I just know that some foods are a certain amount of carbohydrates and they will pair well with another food and I won't go over my carbohydrates. It's crazy how fast I'm adapting to this new change. I'm even so excited for Easter because I get more boiled eggs and I can eat a lot of them. :)
Today was also a great day to learn the lesson that I can't be around negative people. It's just toxic to me and it makes my body do crazy things. I have to be very positive in all of this or I will get depressed. It's a very scary thing and hearing new complications that can occur every time I discuss it with someone is overwhelming. I have to be so careful all of the time and watch everything I do just so I can live a normal life. That's a lot to take in and a lot of stress if I don't stay positive about it. This really is a great thing for me I just can't let that thought get clouded by the fact that there are a lot of risks. I can't be around negative people who just have nothing good to say, I never could stand it before but now it's just that much worse. I just want to shake it into them that they are so dang lucky to live the life they do. They don't have to worry about a lot of the things others do. I wish I could get everyone to see that they have nothing to be negative about because for every bad thing that happens to you there is just something that much better waiting for you. That's my challenge for all of you who read this, if you have something go wrong in your life don't just resort to being negative. Try to make every experience you have as positive as possible. It'll help you live longer ;) Just kidding I don't really know if it will but I'm sure it could since it'll make you happy and happy people live longer! I really don't know if that's true either but it makes sense. The happy people who enjoy their lives should get a few extra years kind of as brownie points for being so great and not letting life get them down. To you Negative Nellys you should earn some brownie points and try to live a few years longer! :)
I am extremely excited to be able to work more hours now. :) I am only getting a few more but it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. I just feel more productive and that I'm actually doing something with my life. Today I started at my new job which I think will actually be really great for me. I'm working for an awesome family and I honestly don't mind the work. I have always been really good at cleaning when I put my mind to it so I think this will be really great for me. I also worked my job at JC Penney right after that. I was on my own today so I took all of the pictures and it was actually really fun. I love taking pictures so much and I love it even more when they people I took them of love them too. I'm going to start taking pictures more with my own camera out of the studio because it really is such a great release for me. Not that this blog isn't I just think I need quite a few ways to get rid of stress now.
I learned today I even love having my routine. I love eating 3 meals a day and eating so healthy. Not that every meal is but I actually miss my fruits and veggies when I don't eat as healthy. I'm getting very good at making meals fast as well. Before it used to take me an hour or so just to find all of the foods and make them to fit my carbohydrate needs. Now I just know that some foods are a certain amount of carbohydrates and they will pair well with another food and I won't go over my carbohydrates. It's crazy how fast I'm adapting to this new change. I'm even so excited for Easter because I get more boiled eggs and I can eat a lot of them. :)
Today was also a great day to learn the lesson that I can't be around negative people. It's just toxic to me and it makes my body do crazy things. I have to be very positive in all of this or I will get depressed. It's a very scary thing and hearing new complications that can occur every time I discuss it with someone is overwhelming. I have to be so careful all of the time and watch everything I do just so I can live a normal life. That's a lot to take in and a lot of stress if I don't stay positive about it. This really is a great thing for me I just can't let that thought get clouded by the fact that there are a lot of risks. I can't be around negative people who just have nothing good to say, I never could stand it before but now it's just that much worse. I just want to shake it into them that they are so dang lucky to live the life they do. They don't have to worry about a lot of the things others do. I wish I could get everyone to see that they have nothing to be negative about because for every bad thing that happens to you there is just something that much better waiting for you. That's my challenge for all of you who read this, if you have something go wrong in your life don't just resort to being negative. Try to make every experience you have as positive as possible. It'll help you live longer ;) Just kidding I don't really know if it will but I'm sure it could since it'll make you happy and happy people live longer! I really don't know if that's true either but it makes sense. The happy people who enjoy their lives should get a few extra years kind of as brownie points for being so great and not letting life get them down. To you Negative Nellys you should earn some brownie points and try to live a few years longer! :)
Doctors Visit
March 26, 2013
Today has been a whirlwind of things! Not really though. I just am so tired all of the time that whenever I actually do maybe 2 productive things a day I feel like I am going a million miles a minute. First thing is first, I got up and got all ready for the day. I haven't gotten that ready in a long time and I felt so much better about myself. Then I went and had myself a little meeting and got a new job where I will be paid much better and hopefully get in quite a few hours. I am very happy about that! :) That means more insulin and food for Karrie.
After that I went in and had my doctors appointment which went really well. I got a new insulin to carbohydrate ratio. That just means that I can now start to dose my own insulin and kind of play around to see what my body is needing. Right now I'm at 1 unit of insulin for every 25 carbohydrates. Now I can go out to eat and be able to get some things I'm wanting because I can give myself enough insulin to break it down. I also got an insulin pen, that means I don't have to draw up insulin from a vile with a syringe, I just have a little pen full of insulin and all it needs is a needle tip. This will be very helpful to carry around instead of bottles and syringes. We then did an A1C1, this is a blood test that takes the average blood sugar level over the last three months. It's on a scale of 1-10. 1 Being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Mine was 9.7. I expected it to be higher though because my blood sugar was so high in the ER and I haven't been feeling so hot lately. This just means I have had it for quite a while.
Dr. Clark was also telling me how what I do now will effect what happens with my diabetes in the future. If I were to just let this run wild and only control some of it I would be more prone to kidney disease and eye problems in the future. That put my mind at ease because I am taking really good care of it and will for the rest of my life. I will have a normal life expectancy at this rate. :) While I was in there he also set me up for a message board where I can go in and tell them I need more insulin or syringes and they can write up a prescription. This will be awesome because I won't have to wait on the phone for hours to talk to someone about getting a prescription. Overall the visit was incredibly helpful and I feel a lot better about it.
Exercise is another thing we talked about while we were in there. It can really help regulate my blood sugar levels which will be so nice and hopefully keep this honeymoon phase a little bit longer. I felt kind of sad how he was so sure since my levels were looking so good that I was in the honeymoon phase. Eventually you will read a post where I'm telling you my insulin has stopped working and my blood sugar is off the charts! But hopefully not because I don't want that. I would like it to stay like this forever, that would be just fine. This is just another reason why I am so motivated to go to the gym and get in shape. The only thing I am not looking forward to is that if I lose all the fat on my body I will have a harder time giving myself a shot without it hurting. Fat helps cushion it is what they told me. I'm feeling very motivated and healthier already. :)
Today has been a whirlwind of things! Not really though. I just am so tired all of the time that whenever I actually do maybe 2 productive things a day I feel like I am going a million miles a minute. First thing is first, I got up and got all ready for the day. I haven't gotten that ready in a long time and I felt so much better about myself. Then I went and had myself a little meeting and got a new job where I will be paid much better and hopefully get in quite a few hours. I am very happy about that! :) That means more insulin and food for Karrie.
After that I went in and had my doctors appointment which went really well. I got a new insulin to carbohydrate ratio. That just means that I can now start to dose my own insulin and kind of play around to see what my body is needing. Right now I'm at 1 unit of insulin for every 25 carbohydrates. Now I can go out to eat and be able to get some things I'm wanting because I can give myself enough insulin to break it down. I also got an insulin pen, that means I don't have to draw up insulin from a vile with a syringe, I just have a little pen full of insulin and all it needs is a needle tip. This will be very helpful to carry around instead of bottles and syringes. We then did an A1C1, this is a blood test that takes the average blood sugar level over the last three months. It's on a scale of 1-10. 1 Being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Mine was 9.7. I expected it to be higher though because my blood sugar was so high in the ER and I haven't been feeling so hot lately. This just means I have had it for quite a while.
Dr. Clark was also telling me how what I do now will effect what happens with my diabetes in the future. If I were to just let this run wild and only control some of it I would be more prone to kidney disease and eye problems in the future. That put my mind at ease because I am taking really good care of it and will for the rest of my life. I will have a normal life expectancy at this rate. :) While I was in there he also set me up for a message board where I can go in and tell them I need more insulin or syringes and they can write up a prescription. This will be awesome because I won't have to wait on the phone for hours to talk to someone about getting a prescription. Overall the visit was incredibly helpful and I feel a lot better about it.
Exercise is another thing we talked about while we were in there. It can really help regulate my blood sugar levels which will be so nice and hopefully keep this honeymoon phase a little bit longer. I felt kind of sad how he was so sure since my levels were looking so good that I was in the honeymoon phase. Eventually you will read a post where I'm telling you my insulin has stopped working and my blood sugar is off the charts! But hopefully not because I don't want that. I would like it to stay like this forever, that would be just fine. This is just another reason why I am so motivated to go to the gym and get in shape. The only thing I am not looking forward to is that if I lose all the fat on my body I will have a harder time giving myself a shot without it hurting. Fat helps cushion it is what they told me. I'm feeling very motivated and healthier already. :)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Grocery Store Problems
March 25, 2013
It's really the 26 now because it takes me 2 hours to grocery shop! It's ridiculous reading all of the labels and finding things I can eat that will also last me a while. Oh well, now I have food that I can eat and I won't have to do it again for a little while. I'm getting better at just ignoring all of the good stuff. All the things I really want to fill my cart with. Sometimes I'll look at the labels just to laugh at how much I really can't have all of those things. It's kind of weird, I don't know if I like it.
Today I felt was very productive. I got some cleaning in, did a few applications for jobs, spoke with an insurance representative about my benefits, did some relaxing, went to the gym, and went grocery shopping. I'm getting a lot better with all of this and I'm starting to feel really healthy. I was even sad tonight when I was at the grocery store and they didn't have the vegetables I wanted. It really is so strange how a few moments in your life can change it forever. Those seconds in the emergency room when the doctor said I had diabetes changed the rest of my life. A couple seconds compared to decades.. I guess it just makes it even more important to hold on to everything good in life because you don't know when it could be changing. I'm not saying my life is bad now it's just very very different and I miss when I could eat whatever whenever. Being healthy will be a great way to live and I'm excited to do it. Struggles and all. :)
It's really the 26 now because it takes me 2 hours to grocery shop! It's ridiculous reading all of the labels and finding things I can eat that will also last me a while. Oh well, now I have food that I can eat and I won't have to do it again for a little while. I'm getting better at just ignoring all of the good stuff. All the things I really want to fill my cart with. Sometimes I'll look at the labels just to laugh at how much I really can't have all of those things. It's kind of weird, I don't know if I like it.
Today I felt was very productive. I got some cleaning in, did a few applications for jobs, spoke with an insurance representative about my benefits, did some relaxing, went to the gym, and went grocery shopping. I'm getting a lot better with all of this and I'm starting to feel really healthy. I was even sad tonight when I was at the grocery store and they didn't have the vegetables I wanted. It really is so strange how a few moments in your life can change it forever. Those seconds in the emergency room when the doctor said I had diabetes changed the rest of my life. A couple seconds compared to decades.. I guess it just makes it even more important to hold on to everything good in life because you don't know when it could be changing. I'm not saying my life is bad now it's just very very different and I miss when I could eat whatever whenever. Being healthy will be a great way to live and I'm excited to do it. Struggles and all. :)
Monday, March 25, 2013
45 Minute Phone Calls
March 25, 2013
I get a lot of phone calls lately from people with the insurance company informing me of my benefits and giving me more information on diabetes. I know if I get a weird phone number calling my phone that it's just the insurance company asking me more information on my insulin or how I'm doing with all of the new changes. This was the longest phone call I'm supposed to get which is a good thing, but there will be more phone calls.
At first she was talking to me about my benefits I get with my insurance. I have a hotline I can call to talk to a registered nurse at any time with any questions with no additional charge to me. That will be incredibly helpful where I am so newly diagnosed and just starting out I'm sure I will have a dozen or more questions. Then we started talking about all of the things that will now be yearly for me to get checked. I'll have to do a yearly test to see if my kidneys are functioning properly. I have to do a yearly eye exam to make sure that my high blood sugar hasn't done any damage to my eyes, which could lead to loss of eyesight. I pride myself on my 20/20 and it's kind of a scary thought that I might lose that since I am such a visual person and a photographer. We also talked how I will have to be really incredibly picky with my feet. I can't go get manicures or pedicures because I don't want their bacteria to get into my feet. Diabetics have a harder time fighting off infections and having cuts heal. So now I have to make sure I look at my feet everyday because if I have any type of nerve damage I won't feel a slight cut as bad as others would and I could get an infection and not have it heal as quickly. I also have to watch when I start to get sick because if I'm taking my insulin regularly and I can't keep any food down my blood sugar is just going to drop and I could end up in a comatose state. I also have to have a yearly A1C1 done, which is basically a test to find my average blood sugar level. They want it at a certain number because anything else could cause damage to my kidneys or my retinas. It's kind of scary learning all of the things I have to check on. It's a good thing though because then I will be really healthy and if I keep my blood sugars in check hopefully not have any eye or kidney damage.
We also talked about symptoms of diabetes which is tightness or pain in the chest, stumbling over my words, my thought process not being as clear, anxious, nervous, sweating, feeling nauseous or dizzy, really tired, loss of interest, numbness or tingling, dehydrated, having to use the restroom a lot, just being kind of dazed, and loss of eye sight or blurred vision. Which was good to know a few more symptoms that I might not have attributed to my diabetes. I'm glad that the stumbling over my words is a part of it because I was so worried why it was happening and it happened a lot.
The most important thing we talked about was what to do if my blood sugar drops too low that I'm not even responsive and hopefully not ever letting it get to that point. I need to find a cute medical bracelet that will let everyone know that I'm diabetic in case I do drop too low and I need some kind of medical attention. We also talked about informing all of the people around me that I'm diabetic and what to do if I can't do it for myself. If I drop below 70 I will start to shake, feel nervous, sweat, ache, feel hungry, or I'll start to be unresponsive. I can also get very pale and just look like I'm checking out. If this happens I just need to get some sugar in me. It's better for me to be above my desired blood sugar than below it. If I start to just daze off and I am shaking all I need is some sugar. 1/2 cup of juice, any little candies, or a packet of sugar under my tongue because I can't choke on that. Really any sugar substance and I should start becoming responsive again. If I don't you can always seek emergency medical attention. It's kind of scary to talk about dropping that low and all of the things that could go wrong but it's important in case I can't do it for myself. Hopefully I will know my body well enough that I won't drop below 70 or even get close to the 40 range where my comprehension is just gone. I'm just making sure everyone knows just in case.
As if the vegetables and exercise weren't enough to be healthy I also won't be around tobacco or alcohol ever in my life. Alcohol since it's just pure sugar and goes straight to my stomach it will raise my blood sugar an incredible amount and I won't be able to get it down that easily. Cheers to a healthy lifestyle.
I get a lot of phone calls lately from people with the insurance company informing me of my benefits and giving me more information on diabetes. I know if I get a weird phone number calling my phone that it's just the insurance company asking me more information on my insulin or how I'm doing with all of the new changes. This was the longest phone call I'm supposed to get which is a good thing, but there will be more phone calls.
At first she was talking to me about my benefits I get with my insurance. I have a hotline I can call to talk to a registered nurse at any time with any questions with no additional charge to me. That will be incredibly helpful where I am so newly diagnosed and just starting out I'm sure I will have a dozen or more questions. Then we started talking about all of the things that will now be yearly for me to get checked. I'll have to do a yearly test to see if my kidneys are functioning properly. I have to do a yearly eye exam to make sure that my high blood sugar hasn't done any damage to my eyes, which could lead to loss of eyesight. I pride myself on my 20/20 and it's kind of a scary thought that I might lose that since I am such a visual person and a photographer. We also talked how I will have to be really incredibly picky with my feet. I can't go get manicures or pedicures because I don't want their bacteria to get into my feet. Diabetics have a harder time fighting off infections and having cuts heal. So now I have to make sure I look at my feet everyday because if I have any type of nerve damage I won't feel a slight cut as bad as others would and I could get an infection and not have it heal as quickly. I also have to watch when I start to get sick because if I'm taking my insulin regularly and I can't keep any food down my blood sugar is just going to drop and I could end up in a comatose state. I also have to have a yearly A1C1 done, which is basically a test to find my average blood sugar level. They want it at a certain number because anything else could cause damage to my kidneys or my retinas. It's kind of scary learning all of the things I have to check on. It's a good thing though because then I will be really healthy and if I keep my blood sugars in check hopefully not have any eye or kidney damage.
We also talked about symptoms of diabetes which is tightness or pain in the chest, stumbling over my words, my thought process not being as clear, anxious, nervous, sweating, feeling nauseous or dizzy, really tired, loss of interest, numbness or tingling, dehydrated, having to use the restroom a lot, just being kind of dazed, and loss of eye sight or blurred vision. Which was good to know a few more symptoms that I might not have attributed to my diabetes. I'm glad that the stumbling over my words is a part of it because I was so worried why it was happening and it happened a lot.
The most important thing we talked about was what to do if my blood sugar drops too low that I'm not even responsive and hopefully not ever letting it get to that point. I need to find a cute medical bracelet that will let everyone know that I'm diabetic in case I do drop too low and I need some kind of medical attention. We also talked about informing all of the people around me that I'm diabetic and what to do if I can't do it for myself. If I drop below 70 I will start to shake, feel nervous, sweat, ache, feel hungry, or I'll start to be unresponsive. I can also get very pale and just look like I'm checking out. If this happens I just need to get some sugar in me. It's better for me to be above my desired blood sugar than below it. If I start to just daze off and I am shaking all I need is some sugar. 1/2 cup of juice, any little candies, or a packet of sugar under my tongue because I can't choke on that. Really any sugar substance and I should start becoming responsive again. If I don't you can always seek emergency medical attention. It's kind of scary to talk about dropping that low and all of the things that could go wrong but it's important in case I can't do it for myself. Hopefully I will know my body well enough that I won't drop below 70 or even get close to the 40 range where my comprehension is just gone. I'm just making sure everyone knows just in case.
As if the vegetables and exercise weren't enough to be healthy I also won't be around tobacco or alcohol ever in my life. Alcohol since it's just pure sugar and goes straight to my stomach it will raise my blood sugar an incredible amount and I won't be able to get it down that easily. Cheers to a healthy lifestyle.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Just Another Day
March 24, 2013
I'm afraid this post might be a little bit boring compared to most of the others. It's a good thing in a way because that means today was just normal. Even with all of the needles and vegetables. That's now my life and I'm actually pretty happy to be able to say that. :) You would be happy to hear that I was pretty motivated today. I did some laundry and I took Trixxy for a walk and I am about to do the dishes. This is more important than the dishes. ;) It was also very relaxing, relaxing is always a good thing. I don't care who you are if you relax you've had a pretty dang good day. That's pretty much it for my day today. I told you not a whole lot happened. I won't just leave you with that though. I got asked a few questions today and I think it couldn't hurt to have them on here as well. I'm more than open to questions about it now.
"So what change has been the hardest to adapt to after finding out you had diabetes?" The hardest change I think would have to be giving myself insulin. I don't like when other people give me shots in the first place so finding out I had to now give myself shots... Uh uh, I wasn't having it. I hated it at first and I was so scared of doing it because sometimes it hurts! Then I started to think about it and why I was freaking out so much when I had just given myself a shot a couple hours ago. A shot is going to hurt in some places, that's just how it is. It would hurt if the other person did it as well, so just do it. That was something really hard for me at first but now I feel pretty confident about it. Which is a good thing because I need insulin everyday and that means I will have to deal with needles just as often.
"What are the main foods that you pretty much well have to avoid?" From my understanding I don't really have to avoid anything. It is better for me to avoid sugars and a ton of carbohydrates, but really that's just the same as anyone. Sweets aren't meant for an entire meal. They are meant for every once in a while a treat, it's not supposed to be an everyday thing anyways. I believe I just have to watch my portions and have everything in moderation. Obviously I'm going to avoid a lot of high sugar foods everyday because it's just easier and better for me. It doesn't mean I never have to have them just not ALL of the time. It really shouldn't be just a thing for diabetics either. The best things you take in moderation.
"Do you have to be careful when you're eating fruit?" I have to be careful now eating anything. Like I said earlier I have to have everything in moderation. I do eat an abundance of vegetables now because I can eat a lot of them and it's not going to raise my blood sugar by much. There are also some fruits that are better for me than others. That's the same with most things as well, it's just a matter of what has less carbohydrates than the other. I do change up my meals a lot though so I'm not eating the same thing everyday. Some days my meals will be just carbohydrates and others I fill it mainly with foods that have very little carbohydrates so I can have a lot of different things for one meal. It just depends what I've been craving or feeling like eating at that time. :) There's a lot of options to my diet which is very nice and helpful. As I said earlier I am more than willing to answer questions if you have any. Just ask :)
I'm afraid this post might be a little bit boring compared to most of the others. It's a good thing in a way because that means today was just normal. Even with all of the needles and vegetables. That's now my life and I'm actually pretty happy to be able to say that. :) You would be happy to hear that I was pretty motivated today. I did some laundry and I took Trixxy for a walk and I am about to do the dishes. This is more important than the dishes. ;) It was also very relaxing, relaxing is always a good thing. I don't care who you are if you relax you've had a pretty dang good day. That's pretty much it for my day today. I told you not a whole lot happened. I won't just leave you with that though. I got asked a few questions today and I think it couldn't hurt to have them on here as well. I'm more than open to questions about it now.
"So what change has been the hardest to adapt to after finding out you had diabetes?" The hardest change I think would have to be giving myself insulin. I don't like when other people give me shots in the first place so finding out I had to now give myself shots... Uh uh, I wasn't having it. I hated it at first and I was so scared of doing it because sometimes it hurts! Then I started to think about it and why I was freaking out so much when I had just given myself a shot a couple hours ago. A shot is going to hurt in some places, that's just how it is. It would hurt if the other person did it as well, so just do it. That was something really hard for me at first but now I feel pretty confident about it. Which is a good thing because I need insulin everyday and that means I will have to deal with needles just as often.
"What are the main foods that you pretty much well have to avoid?" From my understanding I don't really have to avoid anything. It is better for me to avoid sugars and a ton of carbohydrates, but really that's just the same as anyone. Sweets aren't meant for an entire meal. They are meant for every once in a while a treat, it's not supposed to be an everyday thing anyways. I believe I just have to watch my portions and have everything in moderation. Obviously I'm going to avoid a lot of high sugar foods everyday because it's just easier and better for me. It doesn't mean I never have to have them just not ALL of the time. It really shouldn't be just a thing for diabetics either. The best things you take in moderation.
"Do you have to be careful when you're eating fruit?" I have to be careful now eating anything. Like I said earlier I have to have everything in moderation. I do eat an abundance of vegetables now because I can eat a lot of them and it's not going to raise my blood sugar by much. There are also some fruits that are better for me than others. That's the same with most things as well, it's just a matter of what has less carbohydrates than the other. I do change up my meals a lot though so I'm not eating the same thing everyday. Some days my meals will be just carbohydrates and others I fill it mainly with foods that have very little carbohydrates so I can have a lot of different things for one meal. It just depends what I've been craving or feeling like eating at that time. :) There's a lot of options to my diet which is very nice and helpful. As I said earlier I am more than willing to answer questions if you have any. Just ask :)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
I Know What I'll be When I Grow Up!!
March 23, 2013
I have enjoyed cooking my meals so much and finding things I can do differently to change up the same meal that I think when I grow up I will definitely have some kind of food in what I do. Just not in the McDonald's way! It'll be something great and really helpful to people with diabetes, or any kind of diet restriction really. Maybe I'll even open up a cute little bakery for those crazy new diabetics who can only talk about cupcakes and sugar. You know someone like that right? ;)
I should probably practice a little bit more, maybe even take a cooking class. Then we can start finalizing my rental space and my recipes for the new bakery. :) Getting diabetes was never really meant as a new challenge for me. I don't think that anymore. Of course it is challenging, but so is everything at first. Unless you're some kind of superhero, but if you were I don't know why you're reading this instead of doing something productive. I now believe that this was never meant to bring me down or stop me from doing anything. It's just a stepping stone. It's giving me more motivation and wind beneath my sails. This is just driving me to actually doing something and making a difference like I've always wanted. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's motivated me to be healthy and get in shape, it's made me way more independent, and it's getting me to really think hard about my future and what I want to do or be five years from now. This is just another one of those blessings that you have to actually want to see before you accept it as that. There's a lot of those, I bet you have a couple like that as well. :)
I have enjoyed cooking my meals so much and finding things I can do differently to change up the same meal that I think when I grow up I will definitely have some kind of food in what I do. Just not in the McDonald's way! It'll be something great and really helpful to people with diabetes, or any kind of diet restriction really. Maybe I'll even open up a cute little bakery for those crazy new diabetics who can only talk about cupcakes and sugar. You know someone like that right? ;)
I should probably practice a little bit more, maybe even take a cooking class. Then we can start finalizing my rental space and my recipes for the new bakery. :) Getting diabetes was never really meant as a new challenge for me. I don't think that anymore. Of course it is challenging, but so is everything at first. Unless you're some kind of superhero, but if you were I don't know why you're reading this instead of doing something productive. I now believe that this was never meant to bring me down or stop me from doing anything. It's just a stepping stone. It's giving me more motivation and wind beneath my sails. This is just driving me to actually doing something and making a difference like I've always wanted. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's motivated me to be healthy and get in shape, it's made me way more independent, and it's getting me to really think hard about my future and what I want to do or be five years from now. This is just another one of those blessings that you have to actually want to see before you accept it as that. There's a lot of those, I bet you have a couple like that as well. :)
I Miss My Vegetables :/
March 23, 2013
I know that at some point I will have a very full time job and I should be getting used to going to work. I am just not used to going. I get so tired when I'm there and I either have too high or too low of a blood sugar. It's a good experience though to learn how to keep my blood sugars at a regular level. Has anyone ever told you it's a very long process to learn how to manage diabetes? I'll tell you, it's a very long process to learn how to manage diabetes. At first I thought, "Oh this will be fine. I will just eat my carbohydrate amount, take my insulin and I'll be fine." Wrong! It's all over the place and I worry once I get it managed and at a constant level it'll change on me. They have what they call a "honeymoon period" in diabetes where it's really great for a while and I have the right amount of insulin and then just like that all the things that were working before. I'm worried about having this happen. I know I'd be able to do it I just wouldn't want to. I guess I should be taking this one step at a time and not worrying about something that hasn't happened. That's just another thing I get to learn from this.
I got to take a nap today though! That was nice. :) I have been so tired lately, it's all taken a lot out of me. It was funny today I had my lunch and it wasn't the healthiest lunch ever and then when dinner rolled around I was so excited to eat my vegetables. This a good way to learn to love vegetables because you can eat a TON of them and it won't rack up your carbohydrates too much. I love my vegetables now. I'm really excited I'm going to be so healthy and that I make my own meals. It's been kind of fun doing all of this and getting more creative with meals. I'd still like my cupcake of course, but I'll work up to that one.
I am also getting really excited about working out because it not only gets me in shape it can help my blood sugar. If it's too high that's automatically what I start doing is getting ready to go to the gym or just being more active wherever I am. This is a good thing because it's really helping me to be more active and get in shape. You can't go wrong with being healthy. :)
They told me at one of my classes it's really good to start setting goals for myself because then I actually work towards them. My goal for tomorrow is to be more productive and get some cleaning and paperwork done and then relax. :) Maybe even if it's sunny, which cross your fingers so it will be, I'll go for a walk with Trixxy. Here's to being positive and getting things done! Goodnight :)
I know that at some point I will have a very full time job and I should be getting used to going to work. I am just not used to going. I get so tired when I'm there and I either have too high or too low of a blood sugar. It's a good experience though to learn how to keep my blood sugars at a regular level. Has anyone ever told you it's a very long process to learn how to manage diabetes? I'll tell you, it's a very long process to learn how to manage diabetes. At first I thought, "Oh this will be fine. I will just eat my carbohydrate amount, take my insulin and I'll be fine." Wrong! It's all over the place and I worry once I get it managed and at a constant level it'll change on me. They have what they call a "honeymoon period" in diabetes where it's really great for a while and I have the right amount of insulin and then just like that all the things that were working before. I'm worried about having this happen. I know I'd be able to do it I just wouldn't want to. I guess I should be taking this one step at a time and not worrying about something that hasn't happened. That's just another thing I get to learn from this.
I got to take a nap today though! That was nice. :) I have been so tired lately, it's all taken a lot out of me. It was funny today I had my lunch and it wasn't the healthiest lunch ever and then when dinner rolled around I was so excited to eat my vegetables. This a good way to learn to love vegetables because you can eat a TON of them and it won't rack up your carbohydrates too much. I love my vegetables now. I'm really excited I'm going to be so healthy and that I make my own meals. It's been kind of fun doing all of this and getting more creative with meals. I'd still like my cupcake of course, but I'll work up to that one.
I am also getting really excited about working out because it not only gets me in shape it can help my blood sugar. If it's too high that's automatically what I start doing is getting ready to go to the gym or just being more active wherever I am. This is a good thing because it's really helping me to be more active and get in shape. You can't go wrong with being healthy. :)
They told me at one of my classes it's really good to start setting goals for myself because then I actually work towards them. My goal for tomorrow is to be more productive and get some cleaning and paperwork done and then relax. :) Maybe even if it's sunny, which cross your fingers so it will be, I'll go for a walk with Trixxy. Here's to being positive and getting things done! Goodnight :)
I Want You Involved!!
March 23, 2012
I love the idea of everyone who wants to getting involved! If you have any questions for me on things your curious just comment and I'll make a blog post about it. I want to make this blog a really positive and helpful experience for everyone. Please feel free to ask questions and it'll definitely make it more entertaining to read.
I got asked what some of the symptoms I was experiencing with my diabetes before it was diagnosed.
In my second post I told you how my blood sugar was 500 when I went into the ER which is extremely high. Well, the weeks leading up to it were pretty ordinary I just was always thirsty! I would drink a glass of water and right after I would be thirsty again and needing another glass. If I wasn't drinking something I was thirsty. I was also craving sugar like a mad man. I had SO much juice and treats. It's a surprise that alone didn't give me diabetes. I had a ton of juice and treats. I also had to use the restroom a lot more since I was drinking so much water. It got ridiculous and I was always drinking water or going to the restroom. Then the last few days before I went into the hospital are when it got really bad. I started getting blurry vision, getting light headed and dizzy. It actually got so bad that the few days before I went into the hospital I actually passed out just getting up out of bed. I was walking to let Trixxy out and the next thing you know I was on the ground and she was freaking out wondering what happened.
It was pretty scary having all of this happen but now I can use all of these things as signs for later on. Please just ask if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them! Night everyone :)
I love the idea of everyone who wants to getting involved! If you have any questions for me on things your curious just comment and I'll make a blog post about it. I want to make this blog a really positive and helpful experience for everyone. Please feel free to ask questions and it'll definitely make it more entertaining to read.
I got asked what some of the symptoms I was experiencing with my diabetes before it was diagnosed.
In my second post I told you how my blood sugar was 500 when I went into the ER which is extremely high. Well, the weeks leading up to it were pretty ordinary I just was always thirsty! I would drink a glass of water and right after I would be thirsty again and needing another glass. If I wasn't drinking something I was thirsty. I was also craving sugar like a mad man. I had SO much juice and treats. It's a surprise that alone didn't give me diabetes. I had a ton of juice and treats. I also had to use the restroom a lot more since I was drinking so much water. It got ridiculous and I was always drinking water or going to the restroom. Then the last few days before I went into the hospital are when it got really bad. I started getting blurry vision, getting light headed and dizzy. It actually got so bad that the few days before I went into the hospital I actually passed out just getting up out of bed. I was walking to let Trixxy out and the next thing you know I was on the ground and she was freaking out wondering what happened.
It was pretty scary having all of this happen but now I can use all of these things as signs for later on. Please just ask if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them! Night everyone :)
This is Just Normal.
March 22, 2013
I kept thinking today how funny it was all the questions people were asking me about what I could and couldn't eat and they didn't know. I guess I've done it so much the last week that it's becoming a lot easier and completely normal to me. Everyone who eats carbohydrates willy nilly is crazy! The more I talk to people about it the more normal it becomes for me and the funnier I find it how odd it is for everyone else. I think this is a good sign though! I'm also a lot better at shots. Even if I hesitate at first I just think if it's going to hurt it'll still hurt after you wait two minutes. I've gotten a lot better with all of it and just realizing I have to get it done.
I think I'm doing really well with all of this I just still have a lot of financial details and other things I need to finalize. I also just need to be able to read my body better. My blood sugar has been all over everywhere! It's insane. One minute it's in the 200's and then the next little while it's dropped down to the 70's and I haven't changed anything. Thankfully with diabetes that just kind of happens and it doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong it just means I get to learn about myself more than most people get to learn about themselves. Whether or not that's a good thing I've yet to decide. :) This could go one of two ways. One, I'd find out all of these things about myself I never knew I could do or possessed and end up having great confidence. Or two, I will find all of these things that I don't love so much and then I'll be able to change them but still no one likes to not like themselves. However, anyway you look at it, it could be a very positive thing if you make it that way.
Today was overall very normal. I went to work and I came home and then went to my family Easter party. I have been extremely tired and cold though. I know being tired is just something you experience with and without diabetes but I'm wondering if the coldness can be related back. Oh well it's a good excuse to wear a lot of layers and stay warm. Not that I need much of an excuse haha. Today has been very relaxing and just a good time to breathe and not stress. I've needed it. Now it's time to get back to relaxing. :)
I kept thinking today how funny it was all the questions people were asking me about what I could and couldn't eat and they didn't know. I guess I've done it so much the last week that it's becoming a lot easier and completely normal to me. Everyone who eats carbohydrates willy nilly is crazy! The more I talk to people about it the more normal it becomes for me and the funnier I find it how odd it is for everyone else. I think this is a good sign though! I'm also a lot better at shots. Even if I hesitate at first I just think if it's going to hurt it'll still hurt after you wait two minutes. I've gotten a lot better with all of it and just realizing I have to get it done.
I think I'm doing really well with all of this I just still have a lot of financial details and other things I need to finalize. I also just need to be able to read my body better. My blood sugar has been all over everywhere! It's insane. One minute it's in the 200's and then the next little while it's dropped down to the 70's and I haven't changed anything. Thankfully with diabetes that just kind of happens and it doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong it just means I get to learn about myself more than most people get to learn about themselves. Whether or not that's a good thing I've yet to decide. :) This could go one of two ways. One, I'd find out all of these things about myself I never knew I could do or possessed and end up having great confidence. Or two, I will find all of these things that I don't love so much and then I'll be able to change them but still no one likes to not like themselves. However, anyway you look at it, it could be a very positive thing if you make it that way.
Today was overall very normal. I went to work and I came home and then went to my family Easter party. I have been extremely tired and cold though. I know being tired is just something you experience with and without diabetes but I'm wondering if the coldness can be related back. Oh well it's a good excuse to wear a lot of layers and stay warm. Not that I need much of an excuse haha. Today has been very relaxing and just a good time to breathe and not stress. I've needed it. Now it's time to get back to relaxing. :)
Friday, March 22, 2013
Never Blog When You're Tired!
March 22, 2013
I was just reading over my last blog update I made before I went to bed, it was so weird haha. I also forgot things I wanted to put in! Yesterday I got a text from Heather asking me what I thought one of her talents was. I asked her why and she said she was getting other people's perspective because they're all different than hers. I wanted to play now haha. I went through everyone I had text recently and asked them one trait I have that this think is a good thing. This is an incredible way to boost your confidence, esteem, and happiness level. I think everyone should do this for themselves or their friends. It really is so helpful if you aren't feeling so hot or you've dealt with a lot. I also think it's good to do this for people you don't like. If you want to hate someone or be really mad for something they did just think of a trait they have that you admire. Just a thought :) I'll post a daily blog later on today but I just wanted to throw this in and say thanks to everyone who told me a nice trait about myself! :) Thanks Heather for the idea it was a great boost for the day and it's carried over to today!
I was just reading over my last blog update I made before I went to bed, it was so weird haha. I also forgot things I wanted to put in! Yesterday I got a text from Heather asking me what I thought one of her talents was. I asked her why and she said she was getting other people's perspective because they're all different than hers. I wanted to play now haha. I went through everyone I had text recently and asked them one trait I have that this think is a good thing. This is an incredible way to boost your confidence, esteem, and happiness level. I think everyone should do this for themselves or their friends. It really is so helpful if you aren't feeling so hot or you've dealt with a lot. I also think it's good to do this for people you don't like. If you want to hate someone or be really mad for something they did just think of a trait they have that you admire. Just a thought :) I'll post a daily blog later on today but I just wanted to throw this in and say thanks to everyone who told me a nice trait about myself! :) Thanks Heather for the idea it was a great boost for the day and it's carried over to today!
How is it Already Old?
March 21, 2013
I had to go back to work after almost a week. I dislike very much getting up early. I am starting to realize I have to get up even earlier in order to eat my right amount of carbohydrates for breakfast. I knew I had to stop sleeping in but no one knew by how much. It takes me about an hour to prepare and eat every meal now. That's a long time. I could have snoozed my alarm at least 4 times during that hour.
Work is kind of different now. I have to be really careful before each sitting and try to make sure that my blood sugar isn't too high or too low. It would be so awkward if I had to stop the sitting to go check my blood sugar and possibly eat a snack. I've learned that work really does lower my blood sugar quite a bit. I guess it's all of the moving around and energy I use. It's hard work getting those babies to smile!
After work I got a phone call from my insurance just going over a little bit more the things I'm covered on and what I'm not. I found out so many things I have to do now that I had no clue. I have to see an eye doctor at least once a year, that freaks me out because I pride myself on my vision and I would hate to lose that. I also have to check my cholesterol and do another standard test for diabetes that I forgot what it was called and I am just too lazy to get up and go check. It freaks me out how many things can go wrong just like that with diabetes. If I don't take care of myself I could start having issues with my kidneys or my eyes or I could just be having issues. It was an informative, scary and helpful phone call. I now just have to wait a couple weeks and we'll talk again and go over my benefits some more.
I'm also a little worried because there's what they call a honeymoon phase with my diabetes where the insulin could be working great and all of a sudden it just stops working the same. I guess it's a good thing that I'm keeping such close track of my blood sugars and the times. Doctors actually end up doing some things for a reason. ;) Hopefully since I'm keeping track of everything I'll be able to avoid any major issues.
Also, I have been going to the gym more just because it's a great way to get a bit more food in me or bring my blood sugar down. Tonight it went up way more than it should have, I'm not really sure why, but I went to the gym and I'm down to a normal level now. I've never been so motivated to go to the gym! I hope I am fit after this :)
I have started to notice today that I just don't want to do any of it and I'd like to just eat anything I want. It seems silly I am sick of giving myself shots and checking my blood sugar. I've only been doing it for a few days it just seems like it's been forever! I guess there's no better time to get used to all of this and stop thinking there's a way out. There's not. This is my life :)
I had to go back to work after almost a week. I dislike very much getting up early. I am starting to realize I have to get up even earlier in order to eat my right amount of carbohydrates for breakfast. I knew I had to stop sleeping in but no one knew by how much. It takes me about an hour to prepare and eat every meal now. That's a long time. I could have snoozed my alarm at least 4 times during that hour.
Work is kind of different now. I have to be really careful before each sitting and try to make sure that my blood sugar isn't too high or too low. It would be so awkward if I had to stop the sitting to go check my blood sugar and possibly eat a snack. I've learned that work really does lower my blood sugar quite a bit. I guess it's all of the moving around and energy I use. It's hard work getting those babies to smile!
After work I got a phone call from my insurance just going over a little bit more the things I'm covered on and what I'm not. I found out so many things I have to do now that I had no clue. I have to see an eye doctor at least once a year, that freaks me out because I pride myself on my vision and I would hate to lose that. I also have to check my cholesterol and do another standard test for diabetes that I forgot what it was called and I am just too lazy to get up and go check. It freaks me out how many things can go wrong just like that with diabetes. If I don't take care of myself I could start having issues with my kidneys or my eyes or I could just be having issues. It was an informative, scary and helpful phone call. I now just have to wait a couple weeks and we'll talk again and go over my benefits some more.
I'm also a little worried because there's what they call a honeymoon phase with my diabetes where the insulin could be working great and all of a sudden it just stops working the same. I guess it's a good thing that I'm keeping such close track of my blood sugars and the times. Doctors actually end up doing some things for a reason. ;) Hopefully since I'm keeping track of everything I'll be able to avoid any major issues.
Also, I have been going to the gym more just because it's a great way to get a bit more food in me or bring my blood sugar down. Tonight it went up way more than it should have, I'm not really sure why, but I went to the gym and I'm down to a normal level now. I've never been so motivated to go to the gym! I hope I am fit after this :)
I have started to notice today that I just don't want to do any of it and I'd like to just eat anything I want. It seems silly I am sick of giving myself shots and checking my blood sugar. I've only been doing it for a few days it just seems like it's been forever! I guess there's no better time to get used to all of this and stop thinking there's a way out. There's not. This is my life :)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Just One Day at a Time
March 20, 2013
Today has been overall a very productive day. I went to the dietitian and got to learn a little bit more about some things I can eat that'll really help my blood sugar. I also got my carbohydrate intake bumped up each meal and I get to add a snack! I am so excited!! Maybe now I won't be so hungry all of the time, because I am, ALL of the time. I know how to eat and these meals are skimpy haha. It was funny because when I was in there we were talking about me being hungry all the time and she says, "Well we shouldn't really be too worried about you losing weight. You're not necessarily overweight." I just kind of chuckled. I don't find myself overweight at all. Out of shape? Yes, but I am definitely under weight if anything. I think mostly they deal with overweight people or older people so they are a little bit skimpy on my carbohydrates because that's how they generally have their patients and I'm a young one so I need more in my body. I could still be growing, a few more inches height wise wouldn't hurt. :P She also gave me a list of doctors I could call to see who I could get into the quickest and so I actually found one who I can go see on Tuesday. Hopefully he will be a good doctor for me and be able to help me with all of this. :) Maybe I can even get a little bit more food! It makes me sound overweight how much I love food and talk about it on here. Yikes!
After I finished up with the doctor I came home and then my dad gave me a number for someone with insurance. When I called she was just telling me how I'd be able to get more assistance if I need supplies or anything like that and I am chatting with her tomorrow to get all of that set up. Overall, it was an incredibly helpful day and the two ladies I talked to today were very helpful and relieved a lot of stress about all of this. I'm even staying at a fairly constant blood sugar level which is absolutely fantastic because I will start to be feeling so much better!
I worry that now I have a lot of this figured out for the most part that I will start to bore you all . Don't worry I'll start brain storming on how I can make my everyday life a little bit more interesting. ;) Maybe this is a good way to relax and become a little bit more daring. You just have to do something a little bit risky and you'll gain more readers everyday. :) I'll keep it legal and healthy but I'll think of something. For now that's pretty much my day and now I get to go relax, maybe hit the gym before I have to go to work tomorrow! Don't worry I'll let you know. Goodnight! <3
Today has been overall a very productive day. I went to the dietitian and got to learn a little bit more about some things I can eat that'll really help my blood sugar. I also got my carbohydrate intake bumped up each meal and I get to add a snack! I am so excited!! Maybe now I won't be so hungry all of the time, because I am, ALL of the time. I know how to eat and these meals are skimpy haha. It was funny because when I was in there we were talking about me being hungry all the time and she says, "Well we shouldn't really be too worried about you losing weight. You're not necessarily overweight." I just kind of chuckled. I don't find myself overweight at all. Out of shape? Yes, but I am definitely under weight if anything. I think mostly they deal with overweight people or older people so they are a little bit skimpy on my carbohydrates because that's how they generally have their patients and I'm a young one so I need more in my body. I could still be growing, a few more inches height wise wouldn't hurt. :P She also gave me a list of doctors I could call to see who I could get into the quickest and so I actually found one who I can go see on Tuesday. Hopefully he will be a good doctor for me and be able to help me with all of this. :) Maybe I can even get a little bit more food! It makes me sound overweight how much I love food and talk about it on here. Yikes!
After I finished up with the doctor I came home and then my dad gave me a number for someone with insurance. When I called she was just telling me how I'd be able to get more assistance if I need supplies or anything like that and I am chatting with her tomorrow to get all of that set up. Overall, it was an incredibly helpful day and the two ladies I talked to today were very helpful and relieved a lot of stress about all of this. I'm even staying at a fairly constant blood sugar level which is absolutely fantastic because I will start to be feeling so much better!
I worry that now I have a lot of this figured out for the most part that I will start to bore you all . Don't worry I'll start brain storming on how I can make my everyday life a little bit more interesting. ;) Maybe this is a good way to relax and become a little bit more daring. You just have to do something a little bit risky and you'll gain more readers everyday. :) I'll keep it legal and healthy but I'll think of something. For now that's pretty much my day and now I get to go relax, maybe hit the gym before I have to go to work tomorrow! Don't worry I'll let you know. Goodnight! <3
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
And The Rest is History..
March 19, 2013
This morning I got to experience first hand just how temperamental your blood sugar can be. I think the hardest part will be learning how foods and exercise are going to effect me and be able to plan accordingly. Overall I'm feeling really confident in it all. It's already becoming just second nature. Sure, there are times where I think, "Why is this all happening? Can I just go back in time and change this? Would it really be that bad if I just ate this?" I just have started to come to terms with the fact that this is something I can't change and it's only hurting me more to fight it. I just have to be able to get over those questions and realize just how awesome I am doing with all of this. I can check my blood sugar most the time now without hesitation and if there is hesitation it's about 20 seconds. I can give myself shots with little hesitation maybe 30 second hesitation. Yeah, there are times where I have longer hesitation just because I have test that finger on that side and it hurt more than others or the spot in my leg hurts more to give insulin or I just start thinking about sticking a needle in myself and freak out. I have gotten so much better though at everything and most the time I just can't even remember not doing all of this. It's crazy how fast I've adjusted but I think that's why I was given this was because I can adjust quickly when I need to and I can adapt and deal with it. I just have to keep telling myself when ever I think, "I don't want to do this the rest of my life. I don't want this disease." That this is my disease and it's definitely not something that needs to have this much of an affect on me. I was given it, I can handle it, I am doing awesome at this, get over it and don't let it stop me from living my life. It's just that, MY life. I am thinking about this as a relationship, because really the symptoms are all similar. When you have your lows you feel really awful and all you want is some freaking sugar, a bad fight with your boyfriend how many girls just watch chick flicks and eat junk food? When you have something really awesome like a first kiss or something you get a little bit light headed and feel a little weird. The middle is just awesome because you feel good and you know you're in a good spot and you're just happy all day and you know you can take on anything because you've got this! Who needs boys when you have diabetes to do all this for you? Could you imagine having diabetes and a boyfriend? Oh heavens, I have anxiety just thinking about it. The last thing I need is more stress from trying to deal with a relationship with anyone.
My relationship was all over the place today! I'm assuming that I'll have a lot of days like this at least to start out with and hopefully not too many after that. I woke up and I was feeling so great because I felt like I was becoming so good at everything. Making my carbohydrates the right amount but getting a lot of food was becoming a piece of cake! (Bahaha I think I'll come up with a new diabetic friendly analogy, that one just makes me want a cupcake)Tracking my food has just become something I do before I eat. I could give my shots and check my blood sugar with little hesitation, that's a huge needle considering my fear of needles. I was incredibly confident in myself and I knew without a doubt I could do all of this and I soon I won't even be able to remember a time when I didn't have diabetes. Well, it lasted until I had to deal with getting my doctors appointment scheduled. In the ER Dr. Maready told me he'd be more than happy to take me on as his patient even though he has a busy schedule. So, naturally when I was finishing up my hospital stay and they asked me who my regular doctor was going to be I told them him because it just seemed so perfect. Too perfect. I call today to make an appointment because my discharge papers said I had to do a follow up with Dr. Maready in a week. Well, when I call I tell them the situation and what he had said and they tell me the next new patient appointment they have available for me is in May. Now why would it be helpful for me to have a doctor who can't see me for a couple months? Especially when my insulin and syringe supply will doubtfully last me that long. "Are you sure that's the earliest I can get in even where he told me in the ER that he would take me on as a patient?" "Yes, that's the soonest it can be. I can transfer you to a different doctor and see if they have any earlier available appointments." You would not believe how many times I got this run around. Everyone seems to be booked a lot later than I need them. That's my goal for tomorrow is calling around to find a doctor who can see me and start helping me with this. I am so not excited.
I got home from going around trying to figure out why he said he'd take me on if he was booked out this far and who I could go see now and I was just exhausted. I didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted to go back a week and take everything back. Start over and pretend like all of this never happened. I just started getting too overwhelmed and I became very negative. Now I know that right now anything negative I do not need. After I stopped thinking about it and just got back to my routine and tried not to stress about it I started to feel a lot better. Acting normal really helps me to just think this is how it's always been. However, acting normal can also make me realize this is not how it's always been. Even just going bowling my blood sugar dropped by 68. I got to have a treat though! Then I realized how I have to be extra careful on what my treats are. For example my little mini Twix I had which is only 12 carbohydrates or so brought my blood sugar back up to 166 from 94. That's quite the leap in an hour. It's starting to become more and more apparent how extremely careful I have to be with all of this. Pretty soon this will all be natural and I will be so good at counting carbohydrates and I will know my body so well I can just tell what my blood sugar is by how I feel. Fingers crossed and wish me luck!
Oh and I thought I'd post my meals because I was so proud of them :)
This morning I got to experience first hand just how temperamental your blood sugar can be. I think the hardest part will be learning how foods and exercise are going to effect me and be able to plan accordingly. Overall I'm feeling really confident in it all. It's already becoming just second nature. Sure, there are times where I think, "Why is this all happening? Can I just go back in time and change this? Would it really be that bad if I just ate this?" I just have started to come to terms with the fact that this is something I can't change and it's only hurting me more to fight it. I just have to be able to get over those questions and realize just how awesome I am doing with all of this. I can check my blood sugar most the time now without hesitation and if there is hesitation it's about 20 seconds. I can give myself shots with little hesitation maybe 30 second hesitation. Yeah, there are times where I have longer hesitation just because I have test that finger on that side and it hurt more than others or the spot in my leg hurts more to give insulin or I just start thinking about sticking a needle in myself and freak out. I have gotten so much better though at everything and most the time I just can't even remember not doing all of this. It's crazy how fast I've adjusted but I think that's why I was given this was because I can adjust quickly when I need to and I can adapt and deal with it. I just have to keep telling myself when ever I think, "I don't want to do this the rest of my life. I don't want this disease." That this is my disease and it's definitely not something that needs to have this much of an affect on me. I was given it, I can handle it, I am doing awesome at this, get over it and don't let it stop me from living my life. It's just that, MY life. I am thinking about this as a relationship, because really the symptoms are all similar. When you have your lows you feel really awful and all you want is some freaking sugar, a bad fight with your boyfriend how many girls just watch chick flicks and eat junk food? When you have something really awesome like a first kiss or something you get a little bit light headed and feel a little weird. The middle is just awesome because you feel good and you know you're in a good spot and you're just happy all day and you know you can take on anything because you've got this! Who needs boys when you have diabetes to do all this for you? Could you imagine having diabetes and a boyfriend? Oh heavens, I have anxiety just thinking about it. The last thing I need is more stress from trying to deal with a relationship with anyone. My relationship was all over the place today! I'm assuming that I'll have a lot of days like this at least to start out with and hopefully not too many after that. I woke up and I was feeling so great because I felt like I was becoming so good at everything. Making my carbohydrates the right amount but getting a lot of food was becoming a piece of cake! (Bahaha I think I'll come up with a new diabetic friendly analogy, that one just makes me want a cupcake)Tracking my food has just become something I do before I eat. I could give my shots and check my blood sugar with little hesitation, that's a huge needle considering my fear of needles. I was incredibly confident in myself and I knew without a doubt I could do all of this and I soon I won't even be able to remember a time when I didn't have diabetes. Well, it lasted until I had to deal with getting my doctors appointment scheduled. In the ER Dr. Maready told me he'd be more than happy to take me on as his patient even though he has a busy schedule. So, naturally when I was finishing up my hospital stay and they asked me who my regular doctor was going to be I told them him because it just seemed so perfect. Too perfect. I call today to make an appointment because my discharge papers said I had to do a follow up with Dr. Maready in a week. Well, when I call I tell them the situation and what he had said and they tell me the next new patient appointment they have available for me is in May. Now why would it be helpful for me to have a doctor who can't see me for a couple months? Especially when my insulin and syringe supply will doubtfully last me that long. "Are you sure that's the earliest I can get in even where he told me in the ER that he would take me on as a patient?" "Yes, that's the soonest it can be. I can transfer you to a different doctor and see if they have any earlier available appointments." You would not believe how many times I got this run around. Everyone seems to be booked a lot later than I need them. That's my goal for tomorrow is calling around to find a doctor who can see me and start helping me with this. I am so not excited.Oh and I thought I'd post my meals because I was so proud of them :)
Blue, Green, and Purple All Over!
March 19, 2013
I wanted to make a post specifically directed at my fear of needles and how I'm handling using them at least 4 times a day. From the very first post I've told you how much I hate needles. I can't stand the things. Ironic isn't it, that now I get to be around them everyday for the rest of my life? I thought so. I still don't think it's funny but I do however find it ironic.
It wasn't easy at the beginning when all of the nurses and doctors were poking me but I knew if I just looked away and didn't know when it was going to happen I would be alright. Can you imagine how it was when I realized I couldn't just look away and not know when it was going to happen because, I would have to be the one to make it happen now? It was a very unsettling thought and I dreaded anytime the nurses came in with the insulin vile and a needle. That meant I now had to draw up my insulin and administer it to myself. As I told you before I was very hesitant at first when I had to use my lancet (The little poker part for when I test my blood sugar) and when I had to give myself insulin. My hesitation carried on when I was in the hospital and also at home. I take a couple minutes with both the lancet and the needle right on my skin but not yet inside my skin. The amount of hesitation has gone down quite a bit though, which I am really excited about. I think by the end of the week I won't be hesitating at all, maybe even by the end of tomorrow it will just be completely natural and I will think nothing of it. I'm glad I've finally gotten to the point where I stop giving myself anxiety thinking about how badly it will hurt and it's really only a slight pinch. Sometimes I am quite the wuss. :P
I think everyone has a curiosity on what it's like giving myself shots or checking my blood sugar, at least when they think about it. You are kind of curious now aren't you? ;) It's really not that bad once you get over the initial, "Oh my gosh! I am about to jab a needle into my skin! This is going to hurt so bad, why am I doing this!?" (Not that I'm promoting needle usage unless it's for medical reasons, I wouldn't do it just for fun. You'd have to be crazy or pay me an outrageous amount of money) I've had people in the room before when i'm checking my blood sugar or giving myself insulin and I think the best reaction still is when I'm putting my blood on the strip and the strip kind of just sucks it up and Jake goes, "Oh my goodness, that is so cool." That makes it funny every time I use the strips. I think I'd be curious too though if someone I knew had to do all of this. It is a whole different world over here on the diabetic side. One where I hope soon I'll learn to block out candy aisles and things I can't have and they'll just be on everyone else's side. :) In the mean time eat a sweet for me and think of me while eating it! Until next time everyone :)
I wanted to make a post specifically directed at my fear of needles and how I'm handling using them at least 4 times a day. From the very first post I've told you how much I hate needles. I can't stand the things. Ironic isn't it, that now I get to be around them everyday for the rest of my life? I thought so. I still don't think it's funny but I do however find it ironic.
It wasn't easy at the beginning when all of the nurses and doctors were poking me but I knew if I just looked away and didn't know when it was going to happen I would be alright. Can you imagine how it was when I realized I couldn't just look away and not know when it was going to happen because, I would have to be the one to make it happen now? It was a very unsettling thought and I dreaded anytime the nurses came in with the insulin vile and a needle. That meant I now had to draw up my insulin and administer it to myself. As I told you before I was very hesitant at first when I had to use my lancet (The little poker part for when I test my blood sugar) and when I had to give myself insulin. My hesitation carried on when I was in the hospital and also at home. I take a couple minutes with both the lancet and the needle right on my skin but not yet inside my skin. The amount of hesitation has gone down quite a bit though, which I am really excited about. I think by the end of the week I won't be hesitating at all, maybe even by the end of tomorrow it will just be completely natural and I will think nothing of it. I'm glad I've finally gotten to the point where I stop giving myself anxiety thinking about how badly it will hurt and it's really only a slight pinch. Sometimes I am quite the wuss. :P
I think everyone has a curiosity on what it's like giving myself shots or checking my blood sugar, at least when they think about it. You are kind of curious now aren't you? ;) It's really not that bad once you get over the initial, "Oh my gosh! I am about to jab a needle into my skin! This is going to hurt so bad, why am I doing this!?" (Not that I'm promoting needle usage unless it's for medical reasons, I wouldn't do it just for fun. You'd have to be crazy or pay me an outrageous amount of money) I've had people in the room before when i'm checking my blood sugar or giving myself insulin and I think the best reaction still is when I'm putting my blood on the strip and the strip kind of just sucks it up and Jake goes, "Oh my goodness, that is so cool." That makes it funny every time I use the strips. I think I'd be curious too though if someone I knew had to do all of this. It is a whole different world over here on the diabetic side. One where I hope soon I'll learn to block out candy aisles and things I can't have and they'll just be on everyone else's side. :) In the mean time eat a sweet for me and think of me while eating it! Until next time everyone :)
Gym Time
March 18, 2013
I got done at the gym and I kept thinking how I wanted to blog about it... I think I might have a slight addiction already. Fortunately, I can use the reason it's going to be a great way to track all of this for later on in life. :) I'm sneaky that way.
Well the gym was really good for me, I was feeling crumby before I went and now I feel pretty good about myself. I know now that I can also bring down my blood sugar pretty rapidly with working out. I went there with a blood sugar level of 174 and when I checked it after working out it was 94. That's awesome! Exactly the area I'm hoping to be, just not yet. It dropped a little too much, a little too quickly. Another good thing though is that I now know some of the symptoms of having low blood sugar, because my body is so used to it being high right now I have to gradually bring it down. I started to notice when I was going to check my blood sugar and my hands were shaking while I was trying to do it. The other sign I realized was that I start to have poor vision. I was trying to concentrate on something and I couldn't. It was almost like I was trying to read something really little and I had to do it cross eyed. Not a fun experience. Following that I felt pretty unsure of myself, I didn't know if I was reading things right or if I was doing them completely wrong and just thought they were right. That's kind of a scary thought when it comes to most every thing. The last positive that came out of this was I got to eat a treat!! :) I've been waiting to do that since I found out. Too bad there weren't any cupcakes around.
Another thing I was thinking about today was how I don't want anyone to think they know everything about me because they read my blog. I am very particular about what I'm putting on this because I am generally a very private person. I am only sharing what I feel is something I can share without freaking out people know it. Trust me a few hours after I put this blog on Facebook and saw how many views it was getting I started to panic because that meant all of those people now knew my story. I also don't want you to feel like you know how I feel now because you've read this. As flattering as that would be to my writing skills it would be detrimental to our relationship. Just because you have read all of this and hopefully have felt like a part of it doesn't mean you've walked in my shoes, it just means you now have a little bit more knowledge on how I've dealt with things and about diabetes. I love that people are reading this and the support I am getting from it so I hope that what I said won't discourage any of you from reading and keeping updated on me and my Little Diabetic Cupcake. :)
I got done at the gym and I kept thinking how I wanted to blog about it... I think I might have a slight addiction already. Fortunately, I can use the reason it's going to be a great way to track all of this for later on in life. :) I'm sneaky that way.
Well the gym was really good for me, I was feeling crumby before I went and now I feel pretty good about myself. I know now that I can also bring down my blood sugar pretty rapidly with working out. I went there with a blood sugar level of 174 and when I checked it after working out it was 94. That's awesome! Exactly the area I'm hoping to be, just not yet. It dropped a little too much, a little too quickly. Another good thing though is that I now know some of the symptoms of having low blood sugar, because my body is so used to it being high right now I have to gradually bring it down. I started to notice when I was going to check my blood sugar and my hands were shaking while I was trying to do it. The other sign I realized was that I start to have poor vision. I was trying to concentrate on something and I couldn't. It was almost like I was trying to read something really little and I had to do it cross eyed. Not a fun experience. Following that I felt pretty unsure of myself, I didn't know if I was reading things right or if I was doing them completely wrong and just thought they were right. That's kind of a scary thought when it comes to most every thing. The last positive that came out of this was I got to eat a treat!! :) I've been waiting to do that since I found out. Too bad there weren't any cupcakes around.
Another thing I was thinking about today was how I don't want anyone to think they know everything about me because they read my blog. I am very particular about what I'm putting on this because I am generally a very private person. I am only sharing what I feel is something I can share without freaking out people know it. Trust me a few hours after I put this blog on Facebook and saw how many views it was getting I started to panic because that meant all of those people now knew my story. I also don't want you to feel like you know how I feel now because you've read this. As flattering as that would be to my writing skills it would be detrimental to our relationship. Just because you have read all of this and hopefully have felt like a part of it doesn't mean you've walked in my shoes, it just means you now have a little bit more knowledge on how I've dealt with things and about diabetes. I love that people are reading this and the support I am getting from it so I hope that what I said won't discourage any of you from reading and keeping updated on me and my Little Diabetic Cupcake. :)
Monday, March 18, 2013
There Will be Some Changes
March 18, 2013
I'd like to sleep in but I have to start waking up so I can eat and take my insulin. I love sleeping in. It's just one more thing that gets to change, which is fine. I've decided you can get a lot done in the morning, which is always a good thing. That's my next thing to work on is waking up early. :)
I have a feeling that the rest of my day is going to go well because it's started off pretty great. I woke up and checked my blood sugar and it was 118! 118! Can you believe it? Can you also believe how ridiculously excited I am about my blood sugar. I told you it was funny how much your priorities change, you just wouldn't believe how much and how quickly. I also ate a fairly filling breakfast that was within my carbohydrate limit. I think it's hilarious how excited I am getting about being able to eat a lot and be full and still be under my limit. My limit is only 60 carbohydrates a meal. A blueberry muffin is 44 carbohydrates. It's decent sized and everything, it's just not a very filling breakfast. Only 60 carbohydrates seemed very limiting at first but I'm starting to get really good at being able to eat a lot of things with less carbohydrates in them. Anyways, I was so excited about my 118 that I text Jake and all I said was, "118!!" His response made my morning, "Oh boy, you're human again!" I'm glad I have funny people in my life. :)
Today I had my first meeting outside of the hospital. I had no idea what to expect when I went in there but it turned out really well. We talked about how I'm dealing with it and also how I'm doing with my eating. I was able to ask some more questions about giving myself insulin and whether or not I am able to go to the gym or not. Turns out I can if I just eat more carbohydrates and then I can work those off while I'm there and hopefully my blood sugar won't drop. How awesome is that news? I get to eat and not get fat! I am definitely excited about that! In fact after this blog post I will be going to try it out and see how well my body does. Don't worry, it'll be a very easy workout! When I was in my meeting we also talked about an insulin pen so I won't have to draw up my own insulin in needles anymore. This would be very nice and I wouldn't have to worry about dosing myself wrong. :) An even better option we talked about which I hope is a possibility somewhere in the near future is an insulin pump. It sounds so great I just pick a place to insert the tube and the machine will pump it for me after I tell it how much I need. :) I would only have to deal with a needle every three days instead of 4 times everyday. We also talked about the diabetic center and how they can help me find out what my insurance will cover and they can also supply all of my insulin and shots (They called me later that day and had already talked to my Mom and just needed some more information, so that's going already). Overall it was an incredibly helpful meeting. I can't imagine how Wednesday will be when she helps me find out even more things I can eat. I was right it has been an incredible day and also very positive.
After my meeting I got to visit with Jen one of my favorite people ever to go see. She always knows what to say and how to make me feel better. I think she used the phrase "well it's you" a couple times haha. I think it's a good thing, meaning I am strong enough to get through all of this. Let's just pretend that's what it is even if it's not what it is. ;) It's been really good knowing I have all of this support whenever I need it. Thank you Jen :)
Feeling even more like a normal human being I went and played pool with my Daddy. It was fun to just get out and have fun and not feel like I have to do too much. It was a really fun time and we had some pretty good conversations I thought. After we went to Sam's Club and we found a few more things that I can eat quite a bit of and throw some variety into my meals. I am VERY excited about that because eating a little of a lot of different things makes me feel so much more full. Thank you Dad for all of your help.
I think it's time to try out the gym and see how well it does for me. :) Goodnight!
I'd like to sleep in but I have to start waking up so I can eat and take my insulin. I love sleeping in. It's just one more thing that gets to change, which is fine. I've decided you can get a lot done in the morning, which is always a good thing. That's my next thing to work on is waking up early. :)
I have a feeling that the rest of my day is going to go well because it's started off pretty great. I woke up and checked my blood sugar and it was 118! 118! Can you believe it? Can you also believe how ridiculously excited I am about my blood sugar. I told you it was funny how much your priorities change, you just wouldn't believe how much and how quickly. I also ate a fairly filling breakfast that was within my carbohydrate limit. I think it's hilarious how excited I am getting about being able to eat a lot and be full and still be under my limit. My limit is only 60 carbohydrates a meal. A blueberry muffin is 44 carbohydrates. It's decent sized and everything, it's just not a very filling breakfast. Only 60 carbohydrates seemed very limiting at first but I'm starting to get really good at being able to eat a lot of things with less carbohydrates in them. Anyways, I was so excited about my 118 that I text Jake and all I said was, "118!!" His response made my morning, "Oh boy, you're human again!" I'm glad I have funny people in my life. :)
Today I had my first meeting outside of the hospital. I had no idea what to expect when I went in there but it turned out really well. We talked about how I'm dealing with it and also how I'm doing with my eating. I was able to ask some more questions about giving myself insulin and whether or not I am able to go to the gym or not. Turns out I can if I just eat more carbohydrates and then I can work those off while I'm there and hopefully my blood sugar won't drop. How awesome is that news? I get to eat and not get fat! I am definitely excited about that! In fact after this blog post I will be going to try it out and see how well my body does. Don't worry, it'll be a very easy workout! When I was in my meeting we also talked about an insulin pen so I won't have to draw up my own insulin in needles anymore. This would be very nice and I wouldn't have to worry about dosing myself wrong. :) An even better option we talked about which I hope is a possibility somewhere in the near future is an insulin pump. It sounds so great I just pick a place to insert the tube and the machine will pump it for me after I tell it how much I need. :) I would only have to deal with a needle every three days instead of 4 times everyday. We also talked about the diabetic center and how they can help me find out what my insurance will cover and they can also supply all of my insulin and shots (They called me later that day and had already talked to my Mom and just needed some more information, so that's going already). Overall it was an incredibly helpful meeting. I can't imagine how Wednesday will be when she helps me find out even more things I can eat. I was right it has been an incredible day and also very positive.
After my meeting I got to visit with Jen one of my favorite people ever to go see. She always knows what to say and how to make me feel better. I think she used the phrase "well it's you" a couple times haha. I think it's a good thing, meaning I am strong enough to get through all of this. Let's just pretend that's what it is even if it's not what it is. ;) It's been really good knowing I have all of this support whenever I need it. Thank you Jen :)
Feeling even more like a normal human being I went and played pool with my Daddy. It was fun to just get out and have fun and not feel like I have to do too much. It was a really fun time and we had some pretty good conversations I thought. After we went to Sam's Club and we found a few more things that I can eat quite a bit of and throw some variety into my meals. I am VERY excited about that because eating a little of a lot of different things makes me feel so much more full. Thank you Dad for all of your help.I think it's time to try out the gym and see how well it does for me. :) Goodnight!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Blog Day
March 17, 2013
I've spent practically half my day writing this blog and the other half just relaxing. I want everyone who reads this to understand why I created the blog. It was not for attention or for people to feel pity for me. I do not want anyone to treat me any differently and I do not want to be babied. I understand wanting to feel bad because it's a sad situation. It really is, I just don't think anyone feeling sad for me will help and I absolutely hate the sympathetic hand on my arm asking me, "How are you doing?" Well, I'll answer that question for you right now. I am doing fine. I am struggling just the same as you are. Our struggles are just different. It doesn't mean I am struggling anymore or any less than any of you are, I'm just struggling differently. I am coming to terms with the fact that this is my trial that is going to make me stronger, it's not my first choice, but I don't get to decide. The only thing I get to decide is how I'm going to let this affect me.
I'm going to make this normal for me. I'm not going to let it put me into a depression or let it make me feel like I have it worse than everyone else and I need everyone to feel sorry for me. I don't have it worse than everyone, in fact I probably have it better than a lot of people. I'm going to be as positive as possible and accept that I will have bad days and this will be hard and a life altering challenge, however, I can still live my life. I'm very capable of making this normal and being positive and getting through it. I have my whole life to do it.
I'm writing this so I have a voice. This way I get to tell my own story in my own words. I appreciate people caring but I don't need anyone to feel bad or treat me differently. I am the only one who this is really going to have any impact on. I understand it's a change for my family but after the newness wears off and I am a pro at anything diabetes they won't even hardly think about it. I will think about it every day for the rest of my life. Support is all I need. I'm writing this so I can have a record of my story and if I'm ever needing to get a boost of confidence that I can do this I can look back and see how far I've come. Writing has always been my therapy and my outlet, now I have a reason to share it publicly. I hope you enjoy going through my journey with me. I don't usually let people tag along, but I figure everything else is changing I can overlook it this one time. ;) Goodnight!
I've spent practically half my day writing this blog and the other half just relaxing. I want everyone who reads this to understand why I created the blog. It was not for attention or for people to feel pity for me. I do not want anyone to treat me any differently and I do not want to be babied. I understand wanting to feel bad because it's a sad situation. It really is, I just don't think anyone feeling sad for me will help and I absolutely hate the sympathetic hand on my arm asking me, "How are you doing?" Well, I'll answer that question for you right now. I am doing fine. I am struggling just the same as you are. Our struggles are just different. It doesn't mean I am struggling anymore or any less than any of you are, I'm just struggling differently. I am coming to terms with the fact that this is my trial that is going to make me stronger, it's not my first choice, but I don't get to decide. The only thing I get to decide is how I'm going to let this affect me.
I'm going to make this normal for me. I'm not going to let it put me into a depression or let it make me feel like I have it worse than everyone else and I need everyone to feel sorry for me. I don't have it worse than everyone, in fact I probably have it better than a lot of people. I'm going to be as positive as possible and accept that I will have bad days and this will be hard and a life altering challenge, however, I can still live my life. I'm very capable of making this normal and being positive and getting through it. I have my whole life to do it.
I'm writing this so I have a voice. This way I get to tell my own story in my own words. I appreciate people caring but I don't need anyone to feel bad or treat me differently. I am the only one who this is really going to have any impact on. I understand it's a change for my family but after the newness wears off and I am a pro at anything diabetes they won't even hardly think about it. I will think about it every day for the rest of my life. Support is all I need. I'm writing this so I can have a record of my story and if I'm ever needing to get a boost of confidence that I can do this I can look back and see how far I've come. Writing has always been my therapy and my outlet, now I have a reason to share it publicly. I hope you enjoy going through my journey with me. I don't usually let people tag along, but I figure everything else is changing I can overlook it this one time. ;) Goodnight!
First Day Back to Work
March 16, 2013
Today started better than the other days. I knew I had to go to work and that I had to wake up early so I could check my blood sugar and take insulin and eat. (I've gotten so much better at doing all that. It only took 15 minutes with my hesitation.) I also had to make lunch and pack all my insulin and things so I could eat on my break. Thankfully, I didn't have to go in until 2 instead of at 10. This gave me time to nap and I even watched 'The Princess Bride' that show is hilarious! "No more rhyming I mean it!" "Anybody got a peanut?" Then it was time to go to work.
It was kind of hard to be at work because I have to do a lot of bending and have a lot of energy both I can't do very well. I liked feeling like I was in my old routine though, made me feel a little bit more normal. It went by very quickly and I got to go home! :)
I went to the store to pick up a few things and you have NO idea how hard it is being in a store, especially when it's Easter! There is candy everywhere and I just want to eat it all. Every aisle I looked down there was something I probably shouldn't have but I really wanted. I think it's just one of those things where you want what you can't have. I wanted a lot of things and it was actually really sad to think I used to be able to grab it no problem but now that's completely different. I hope someday it gets easier to go into a store and not want absolutely everything in sight and feel sad knowing I can't have it.
After my adventure at the store I was incredibly happy to be able to go home and just relax. Even then being at home there's so many things I would have to work really hard to fit into my diet and they're just sitting in front of my face. I realize that it's a ridiculous thought to clear out anything in the house I can't eat whenever I want, the house would be empty. I guess this is just a way of gaining some incredible self control. I'm just so hungry on this new diet that I want to eat and I shouldn't have more than my 3 meals 60 carbohydrate limit. I know how to eat! Those are some baby meals compared to what I'm used to. I will get used to it eventually.
It's funny how quickly your priorities can change in times like this. When I checked my blood sugar before I went to bed it had come down all the way to 150. I was so excited about it. It was kind of funny just how excited I was over my blood sugar. I'm going to be ridiculously healthy after all of this. I hope. :P
Today started better than the other days. I knew I had to go to work and that I had to wake up early so I could check my blood sugar and take insulin and eat. (I've gotten so much better at doing all that. It only took 15 minutes with my hesitation.) I also had to make lunch and pack all my insulin and things so I could eat on my break. Thankfully, I didn't have to go in until 2 instead of at 10. This gave me time to nap and I even watched 'The Princess Bride' that show is hilarious! "No more rhyming I mean it!" "Anybody got a peanut?" Then it was time to go to work.
It was kind of hard to be at work because I have to do a lot of bending and have a lot of energy both I can't do very well. I liked feeling like I was in my old routine though, made me feel a little bit more normal. It went by very quickly and I got to go home! :)
I went to the store to pick up a few things and you have NO idea how hard it is being in a store, especially when it's Easter! There is candy everywhere and I just want to eat it all. Every aisle I looked down there was something I probably shouldn't have but I really wanted. I think it's just one of those things where you want what you can't have. I wanted a lot of things and it was actually really sad to think I used to be able to grab it no problem but now that's completely different. I hope someday it gets easier to go into a store and not want absolutely everything in sight and feel sad knowing I can't have it.
After my adventure at the store I was incredibly happy to be able to go home and just relax. Even then being at home there's so many things I would have to work really hard to fit into my diet and they're just sitting in front of my face. I realize that it's a ridiculous thought to clear out anything in the house I can't eat whenever I want, the house would be empty. I guess this is just a way of gaining some incredible self control. I'm just so hungry on this new diet that I want to eat and I shouldn't have more than my 3 meals 60 carbohydrate limit. I know how to eat! Those are some baby meals compared to what I'm used to. I will get used to it eventually.
It's funny how quickly your priorities can change in times like this. When I checked my blood sugar before I went to bed it had come down all the way to 150. I was so excited about it. It was kind of funny just how excited I was over my blood sugar. I'm going to be ridiculously healthy after all of this. I hope. :P
Going Home Today :)
March 15, 2013
I am just starting to be comfortable enough to sleep and catch up on some missed sleep the night before and I get woken up at 4:30 to have more blood drawn. Poor guy he saw the disappointment in my face when I saw his box. I knew that meant I had to have my blood drawn and he knew that meant I was not happy to see him. Thank heavens everyone else in the hospital felt the same way to see him and he didn't take it too personally. I was glad that he was nice enough to know how much I didn't like needles and did his best to distract me. Alright, he's finished back to bed.
Then the nurses kept peeking their head in to see if I was up and how I was doing. It didn't bother me until 8:00 rolls around and one nurse peeks her head in and wakes me up and tells me about breakfast. Then 5 minutes later the other nurse peeks her head in and says the same thing and says it kind of rude like, "Why are you still sleeping? It's breakfast time." She didn't say that of course but her tone led me to believe that. I tried to go back to sleep but now I was up. I was ready to go home, I was tired of people constantly checking in on me. Oh well, I have to stay until they tell me I can leave. So I go to call the nurse who just came in to check on me and no one answered so I waited until she came back in. Turns out my little buzzer on my bed didn't work the whole time so I was pretty happy about that. :/ When she came back in to check my blood sugar so I could eat I was a little worried because it went back up quite a bit and I really wanted to go home, now I had to wait and see what the doctor had to say.
I didn't have to wait alone though! Sheila came in to visit with me after her baby belly appointment. It was really good to see her and be able to visit and talk about everything. Plus, I got to see her cute baby bump! How can you go wrong with that? Thanks Sheila for coming to visit me. :)
Dr. Brown finally made his way into my room and I got to hear what I'd been waiting to hear, I got to go home after I learned how to dose my own insulin! That was about 11:00 it was about 2:15 when the nurse came in to teach me how I should be dosing my insulin and how to take care of myself for the next week until I could see my regular doctor, Dr. Maready. Once she told me I could go home and finally get this IV out of my arm it took about two seconds before I was calling my mom to get a ride home. No answer. I called again. No answer. I was getting antsy. It was only about 20 minutes or so before she got her phone from her car and was on her way to get me from the hospital. I was so excited to go home. When she got there I had all my stuff ready to go and we just walked out and the nurse said they usually wheel patients out and I said no more wheelchairs for me! I didn't want to feel helpless. I got to go home. :)
First order of business now that I was home was to see my cute little puppy because I haven't seen her in 2 days. Okay, now that I've seen her it's time to shower and then go get my prescription filled. I can't even tell you how great it felt to shower and get the hospital feeling off of me! Then I was off to fill my prescription and get back into the real world. I get there and I had to wait for a little bit for my prescription and when he rang it all up and it had my insurance on it and everything my heart just sank. I wanted to just start crying. It was so much money. I sat there stunned for a moment and asked if my insurance had been applied and he said yes and so I swiped my card and left even more stressed thinking I need another job to get more hours to pay for all of this. It's apparently only a one month supply and it's as much as 2 of my paychecks. Now granted I'm not getting a lot of hours and it'd probably be easier when I have another job, however, I still just wanted to cry. Too much stress.
I went to see my boss and see if I had to work the next day and also see my friend. I started to realize how sick I have been because I got light headed very easily walking around and when I went to check my blood pressure I couldn't do it for at least 15 minutes. I just sat there with it next to my finger and I couldn't push the button. It was my first time doing it outside of the hospital when I had no one waiting for me to do it before they could leave. I finally got the courage and my glucometer had shut off so it didn't read it and I had to do it again. I sat there for even longer and I got very stressed out and I just was realizing how hard this was going to be having to do all this on my own. I decided I'd just go get some food and go home and do it there. Well, when I was going to get subway (I could eat that) I was in the drive-thru and I was realizing how much I couldn't have and all of the things I wasn't sure if I could or not. It was really hard thinking how much I have to plan ahead for my meals in order to have the right amount of carbohydrates.
I cried the whole way home just thinking to myself, "How am I going to do this? Why did god give me this test when he knew my fear of needles?" I realize that there are much worse things I could have and I am grateful that I don't, however this has been a struggle for me. I know that some people have it way worse but that just means they are strong enough to handle more than I can. This is pushing it. I'm starting to wonder if I can do this or if I can just ignore all of it and pretend like it never happened. I want to go back in time and make it so this doesn't happen. I wanted Jake to come home from work so he could give me encouragement to check my blood sugar and give myself an insulin shot. I wasn't sure how else I could do it or if I could do it at all. He couldn't, which I think is a good thing because I had to do this on my own anyways. I can't rely on someone else to be there for me and baby me. I have to toughen up I have to just check my blood sugar. I sat there for a long time crying thinking how am I going to do this. It really doesn't even hurt that bad to check it or give myself a shot I just psyched myself out so badly about the idea of something jabbing into me and made it way worse for myself. I didn't mean to do it I just was really scared to do it because I am afraid each time I do it, it will hurt more than the last time. I just kept praying for strength to be able to get through this because I didn't know how I was going to do it.
I finally was able to check my blood sugar and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I knew it wouldn't be but I still was just terrified. Then it came time to give myself my insulin and I sat there just as long with the needle to my skin just not able to push it in. I was just so scared of doing that and I don't know why because I had done it multiple times before I left the hospital. I was just crying and panicking because I am going to have to do this everyday at least 3 times a day and I can't even do it this once. How am I going to deal with diabetes if I can't even check my own blood sugar?? I can't even give myself insulin how am I going to do this the rest of my life? I also eventually was able to give myself the shot. I think my hunger drove me to it. That's a terrible trick telling new diabetics they can't have food until they check their blood sugar and give themselves a shot. A terrible trick that I appreciate otherwise I don't know how long it would've taken me.
After I took care of all of it I felt pretty proud of myself and I knew I could do it from here on out but it does take me a while to get rid of my hesitation. Hopefully with work tomorrow it'll be much easier to do this.
I got to go "diabetic grocery shopping" for the first time and it took about 2 hours to go through every aisle. It was so good though, I found a lot of options of things I can eat within my carbohydrate limit. I also found some ice cream I could eat! I am so dang excited about that. :) It really helps me to feel not so limited and that I can live a normal life just like anyone else. Well, close. Tomorrow is a new day and I've got all of this under me to help me through the day.
I am just starting to be comfortable enough to sleep and catch up on some missed sleep the night before and I get woken up at 4:30 to have more blood drawn. Poor guy he saw the disappointment in my face when I saw his box. I knew that meant I had to have my blood drawn and he knew that meant I was not happy to see him. Thank heavens everyone else in the hospital felt the same way to see him and he didn't take it too personally. I was glad that he was nice enough to know how much I didn't like needles and did his best to distract me. Alright, he's finished back to bed.
Then the nurses kept peeking their head in to see if I was up and how I was doing. It didn't bother me until 8:00 rolls around and one nurse peeks her head in and wakes me up and tells me about breakfast. Then 5 minutes later the other nurse peeks her head in and says the same thing and says it kind of rude like, "Why are you still sleeping? It's breakfast time." She didn't say that of course but her tone led me to believe that. I tried to go back to sleep but now I was up. I was ready to go home, I was tired of people constantly checking in on me. Oh well, I have to stay until they tell me I can leave. So I go to call the nurse who just came in to check on me and no one answered so I waited until she came back in. Turns out my little buzzer on my bed didn't work the whole time so I was pretty happy about that. :/ When she came back in to check my blood sugar so I could eat I was a little worried because it went back up quite a bit and I really wanted to go home, now I had to wait and see what the doctor had to say.
I didn't have to wait alone though! Sheila came in to visit with me after her baby belly appointment. It was really good to see her and be able to visit and talk about everything. Plus, I got to see her cute baby bump! How can you go wrong with that? Thanks Sheila for coming to visit me. :)
Dr. Brown finally made his way into my room and I got to hear what I'd been waiting to hear, I got to go home after I learned how to dose my own insulin! That was about 11:00 it was about 2:15 when the nurse came in to teach me how I should be dosing my insulin and how to take care of myself for the next week until I could see my regular doctor, Dr. Maready. Once she told me I could go home and finally get this IV out of my arm it took about two seconds before I was calling my mom to get a ride home. No answer. I called again. No answer. I was getting antsy. It was only about 20 minutes or so before she got her phone from her car and was on her way to get me from the hospital. I was so excited to go home. When she got there I had all my stuff ready to go and we just walked out and the nurse said they usually wheel patients out and I said no more wheelchairs for me! I didn't want to feel helpless. I got to go home. :)
First order of business now that I was home was to see my cute little puppy because I haven't seen her in 2 days. Okay, now that I've seen her it's time to shower and then go get my prescription filled. I can't even tell you how great it felt to shower and get the hospital feeling off of me! Then I was off to fill my prescription and get back into the real world. I get there and I had to wait for a little bit for my prescription and when he rang it all up and it had my insurance on it and everything my heart just sank. I wanted to just start crying. It was so much money. I sat there stunned for a moment and asked if my insurance had been applied and he said yes and so I swiped my card and left even more stressed thinking I need another job to get more hours to pay for all of this. It's apparently only a one month supply and it's as much as 2 of my paychecks. Now granted I'm not getting a lot of hours and it'd probably be easier when I have another job, however, I still just wanted to cry. Too much stress.
I went to see my boss and see if I had to work the next day and also see my friend. I started to realize how sick I have been because I got light headed very easily walking around and when I went to check my blood pressure I couldn't do it for at least 15 minutes. I just sat there with it next to my finger and I couldn't push the button. It was my first time doing it outside of the hospital when I had no one waiting for me to do it before they could leave. I finally got the courage and my glucometer had shut off so it didn't read it and I had to do it again. I sat there for even longer and I got very stressed out and I just was realizing how hard this was going to be having to do all this on my own. I decided I'd just go get some food and go home and do it there. Well, when I was going to get subway (I could eat that) I was in the drive-thru and I was realizing how much I couldn't have and all of the things I wasn't sure if I could or not. It was really hard thinking how much I have to plan ahead for my meals in order to have the right amount of carbohydrates.
I cried the whole way home just thinking to myself, "How am I going to do this? Why did god give me this test when he knew my fear of needles?" I realize that there are much worse things I could have and I am grateful that I don't, however this has been a struggle for me. I know that some people have it way worse but that just means they are strong enough to handle more than I can. This is pushing it. I'm starting to wonder if I can do this or if I can just ignore all of it and pretend like it never happened. I want to go back in time and make it so this doesn't happen. I wanted Jake to come home from work so he could give me encouragement to check my blood sugar and give myself an insulin shot. I wasn't sure how else I could do it or if I could do it at all. He couldn't, which I think is a good thing because I had to do this on my own anyways. I can't rely on someone else to be there for me and baby me. I have to toughen up I have to just check my blood sugar. I sat there for a long time crying thinking how am I going to do this. It really doesn't even hurt that bad to check it or give myself a shot I just psyched myself out so badly about the idea of something jabbing into me and made it way worse for myself. I didn't mean to do it I just was really scared to do it because I am afraid each time I do it, it will hurt more than the last time. I just kept praying for strength to be able to get through this because I didn't know how I was going to do it.
I finally was able to check my blood sugar and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I knew it wouldn't be but I still was just terrified. Then it came time to give myself my insulin and I sat there just as long with the needle to my skin just not able to push it in. I was just so scared of doing that and I don't know why because I had done it multiple times before I left the hospital. I was just crying and panicking because I am going to have to do this everyday at least 3 times a day and I can't even do it this once. How am I going to deal with diabetes if I can't even check my own blood sugar?? I can't even give myself insulin how am I going to do this the rest of my life? I also eventually was able to give myself the shot. I think my hunger drove me to it. That's a terrible trick telling new diabetics they can't have food until they check their blood sugar and give themselves a shot. A terrible trick that I appreciate otherwise I don't know how long it would've taken me.
After I took care of all of it I felt pretty proud of myself and I knew I could do it from here on out but it does take me a while to get rid of my hesitation. Hopefully with work tomorrow it'll be much easier to do this.
I got to go "diabetic grocery shopping" for the first time and it took about 2 hours to go through every aisle. It was so good though, I found a lot of options of things I can eat within my carbohydrate limit. I also found some ice cream I could eat! I am so dang excited about that. :) It really helps me to feel not so limited and that I can live a normal life just like anyone else. Well, close. Tomorrow is a new day and I've got all of this under me to help me through the day.
My Hospital Stay
March 14, 2013
When I got up to my room there were an abundance of nurses talking to me about how my stay would work and how I'd be getting insulin every so often and check my blood sugar just as often if not more. They had so many things to do to get me set up in my room and all checked in for my stay. After they left I really couldn't sleep at all that night, there was too much on my mind. I was in shock who can think about sleeping? Luckily, Jake stayed the night so I would have someone in the room and I wasn't just in there hanging out. I finally fell asleep at about 3:30 after a lot of thinking and trying to talk it out, only to be woken up at 4:30 to have my blood drawn. Did I ever mention I hate needles? I guess it's kind of a funny joke that now I have diabetes and will have needles in my life absolutely everyday. I've yet to laugh about it. It seemed like the nurses would know I'd only been asleep for a little while before they needed to come in and check my vitals. That got annoying very quickly.
When I finally got sick of being woken up I just stayed awake, that's when I decided I'd send out a text message to all of my siblings telling them the news, I didn't want to call and tell everyone because I cry every time I say I have diabetes. Can I just go back to sleep and wake up and this was all a bad dream? I couldn't. I have to face this head on. At first I don't think I realized how big this was. I did after talking with my siblings. I also felt a lot of support and a lot of love which is always a good thing. However it was still very hard talking to people about it and having to come to terms with the fact that I now can legitimately say, "I have diabetes." It really did help me to talk to my siblings about it and know I have their support. I liked being able to talk to Terena about how similar my Grandpa and I are and finding that diabetes is just one more thing we have in common and just being able to talk about having a reason now for all of my symptoms. Heather helped me because she is learning about nutrition and knowing I'll be able to go to her with questions if I have any is very comforting. Ryan helped because I just was able to talk to someone and it was comforting when I am sitting in a room alone. Jason helped when he said, "It's just another stepping stone that will become second nature." It helped just knowing soon this will all be easy and just my life. Jessica helped because she reminded me I'm not the only one who has it and I can talk to people who do have it and get advice and help. Sheila and I joked about me needing her to knit/crochet me a bonnet to make me feel better. I'd look so good. ;) Last but not least Angella helped me when we sent pictures of ourselves being bored to each other. Even from Colorado she was still there to keep me company. I have the best siblings in the world and they are always there for me.
When I got up to my room there were an abundance of nurses talking to me about how my stay would work and how I'd be getting insulin every so often and check my blood sugar just as often if not more. They had so many things to do to get me set up in my room and all checked in for my stay. After they left I really couldn't sleep at all that night, there was too much on my mind. I was in shock who can think about sleeping? Luckily, Jake stayed the night so I would have someone in the room and I wasn't just in there hanging out. I finally fell asleep at about 3:30 after a lot of thinking and trying to talk it out, only to be woken up at 4:30 to have my blood drawn. Did I ever mention I hate needles? I guess it's kind of a funny joke that now I have diabetes and will have needles in my life absolutely everyday. I've yet to laugh about it. It seemed like the nurses would know I'd only been asleep for a little while before they needed to come in and check my vitals. That got annoying very quickly.When I finally got sick of being woken up I just stayed awake, that's when I decided I'd send out a text message to all of my siblings telling them the news, I didn't want to call and tell everyone because I cry every time I say I have diabetes. Can I just go back to sleep and wake up and this was all a bad dream? I couldn't. I have to face this head on. At first I don't think I realized how big this was. I did after talking with my siblings. I also felt a lot of support and a lot of love which is always a good thing. However it was still very hard talking to people about it and having to come to terms with the fact that I now can legitimately say, "I have diabetes." It really did help me to talk to my siblings about it and know I have their support. I liked being able to talk to Terena about how similar my Grandpa and I are and finding that diabetes is just one more thing we have in common and just being able to talk about having a reason now for all of my symptoms. Heather helped me because she is learning about nutrition and knowing I'll be able to go to her with questions if I have any is very comforting. Ryan helped because I just was able to talk to someone and it was comforting when I am sitting in a room alone. Jason helped when he said, "It's just another stepping stone that will become second nature." It helped just knowing soon this will all be easy and just my life. Jessica helped because she reminded me I'm not the only one who has it and I can talk to people who do have it and get advice and help. Sheila and I joked about me needing her to knit/crochet me a bonnet to make me feel better. I'd look so good. ;) Last but not least Angella helped me when we sent pictures of ourselves being bored to each other. Even from Colorado she was still there to keep me company. I have the best siblings in the world and they are always there for me.
Later that morning I learned something else that I will have to deal with the rest of my life, that I now have to count my carbohydrate intake for every meal. I can no longer eat anything I want, whenever I want. I really have to think about it and how it'll effect my blood sugar. Now all I want is a cupcake. :(
I was hoping to go home that day but they had other plans for me. :/ I had to stay until they could get my blood sugar stabilized, until I could learn how to manage my diet to keep my blood sugar down long enough to have a follow up appointment with a dietitian, I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar, and I also had to learn how to give myself my own insulin shots.
The hospital dietitian came in and was about to start talking with me about how I should change my diet and things I should be eating and not eating, luckily she let me wait until Heather and my Mother were there. They both brought me flowers from the family when they got there. Thank you family. :) Heather got there at about the same time mom did 12:00. Terel (the dietitian) would be coming back at 1:00 so this gave us a good hour to visit. We spent most of the time watching those dumb videos that go viral. The one where the girl burns her hair off, the guy who jumps into a puddle that's actually a manhole, the lady giving us her shopping list and accidentally eats a chili, etc. It was good to be able to sit and laugh and not be so bored. Did I mention the sound on my TV was broken until later that night? It was very boring and silent sitting in there alone. I was glad to have the company. I also got a hug from Terena through Heather and an "I love you" from her husband Darin. I'm glad I have such a supportive family.
Terel came back and asked if I'd like to learn about my glucometer or my new diet first. Naturally hating needles as much as I do I said, "Well that depends, does the glucometer come with a demonstration?" "Yes" "Well then, I'd like to learn about my new diet." She was really helpful explaining a little bit more about my diabetes and how I most likely got it and why my body acts the way it does. Basically my body got a virus that got rid of the cells that produce my insulin. Insulin helps you to break down the sugar you bring into your body and utilize it. Without insulin my body wasn't functioning the way it was supposed to and it made me constantly thirsty and really light headed. Since they thought this was more likely caused by a virus than genetically I wanted to know if this is something my kids could possibly get genetically. Terel told me that since I got diabetes at kind of a borderline age it's possible that my kids could get it genetically. From what I understand the younger you get the disease is when it becomes something you can pass on through genetics. That didn't make me feel so swell. :/ So now I have a strict diet to make sure I don't have to high or too low of blood sugar. I also have to go in and have 1 hour classes Monday and Wednesday to learn more about my diet and what I can and can't eat. I have to keep a good record of what I eat and my blood sugar before meals so they can better help me to find foods that'll be better for me. Then we learned a little more about my new glucometer.. Demonstration time. She showed me how to insert the needle and then the spots on my fingers where I should be placing it and how to check with my test strips. That's when I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar. Now I've never understood how people self harm, it's always baffled me. So as you can imagine when I have this little thing on my finger and I know once I push that button a sharp little needle is going to poke my skin and hurt me I'm a little hesitant to push the button. It took a lot of encouraging until I actually did it. It hurt so much less than when the hospital used their equipment and it stung less after. I knew I could do it now. That doesn't mean I hesitate any less when I have it next to my finger, I still hesitate quite a bit every time I have to do it. Heather stuck around a little while later after my lesson and just visited with Mom and I.
A little while after Heather left my Dad came in to see me. I just told him what else I had learned from the previous night and talked about diabetes itself. It was only a couple minutes after my Dad arrived that my nurse came in with my insulin and informed me I now get to learn how to draw up my own insulin and administer it to myself. I could draw up my own insulin just fine, I understood where the shot had to go and how to prep the area, now... About injecting myself with that needle. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, I'm sure. It'll hurt less if you just stick the needle in quickly." I gave her my best unsure/freaked out look ever. "You'll be fine, I promise. Just don't think about it." My dad's encouragement, "You can do it." I look back at the nurse, "I just can't get over the fact that I'm about to shove a needle in my skin. Is it going to go in too far and hit something it shouldn't? Are you sure about this?" "You can't really go in too and hit anything because how you have it pinched it'll just go into the fat. I'm sure, just go for it." I think I sat there for at least 10 minutes the first time I gave myself a shot and after everyone was so proud haha. It didn't even hurt too bad, however, I still hesitate on all of my shots because I am still getting over the idea that I am about to stick something sharp and pointy into my skin. Now that I've learned the basics I was set, I hoped. I knew I'd learn more the next day.
When all of my visitors left I was left just to think.. It was a very rough night. I kept thinking how when I'd talk to some people they already knew my story or I didn't get to tell parts of it because someone else had already told them. I just felt like my voice was being taken away and it made me feel a little bit more helpless. All the people around checking in on me constantly and asking if I needed anything or doing things for me, as much as I appreciated it I also didn't like it because it was just making me feel more sick. That was the last thing I needed because I already felt helpless. I found out less than 24 hours ago that I am going to have this disease for the rest of my life and that it'll dictate most of the things in my life. I'll have to watch every single meal, always carry my glucometer, and make sure that when I'm exercising I don't get too low of blood sugar. I was really excited to be going to the gym and getting in shape and now I found out I should lay off until I can get my blood sugar stable. It was just one thing after the other.. I just felt so helpless. I knew I couldn't feel like that though because no one else can get this under control and maintain it other than me. This is my disease and something only I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I had to toughen up and after a good long cry I got some of my strength back. My saying "Weakness is my Strength" was really becoming the truth in this. Hopefully the next day is better and my blood sugar is down and I'll get to go home.
The hospital dietitian came in and was about to start talking with me about how I should change my diet and things I should be eating and not eating, luckily she let me wait until Heather and my Mother were there. They both brought me flowers from the family when they got there. Thank you family. :) Heather got there at about the same time mom did 12:00. Terel (the dietitian) would be coming back at 1:00 so this gave us a good hour to visit. We spent most of the time watching those dumb videos that go viral. The one where the girl burns her hair off, the guy who jumps into a puddle that's actually a manhole, the lady giving us her shopping list and accidentally eats a chili, etc. It was good to be able to sit and laugh and not be so bored. Did I mention the sound on my TV was broken until later that night? It was very boring and silent sitting in there alone. I was glad to have the company. I also got a hug from Terena through Heather and an "I love you" from her husband Darin. I'm glad I have such a supportive family.
Terel came back and asked if I'd like to learn about my glucometer or my new diet first. Naturally hating needles as much as I do I said, "Well that depends, does the glucometer come with a demonstration?" "Yes" "Well then, I'd like to learn about my new diet." She was really helpful explaining a little bit more about my diabetes and how I most likely got it and why my body acts the way it does. Basically my body got a virus that got rid of the cells that produce my insulin. Insulin helps you to break down the sugar you bring into your body and utilize it. Without insulin my body wasn't functioning the way it was supposed to and it made me constantly thirsty and really light headed. Since they thought this was more likely caused by a virus than genetically I wanted to know if this is something my kids could possibly get genetically. Terel told me that since I got diabetes at kind of a borderline age it's possible that my kids could get it genetically. From what I understand the younger you get the disease is when it becomes something you can pass on through genetics. That didn't make me feel so swell. :/ So now I have a strict diet to make sure I don't have to high or too low of blood sugar. I also have to go in and have 1 hour classes Monday and Wednesday to learn more about my diet and what I can and can't eat. I have to keep a good record of what I eat and my blood sugar before meals so they can better help me to find foods that'll be better for me. Then we learned a little more about my new glucometer.. Demonstration time. She showed me how to insert the needle and then the spots on my fingers where I should be placing it and how to check with my test strips. That's when I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar. Now I've never understood how people self harm, it's always baffled me. So as you can imagine when I have this little thing on my finger and I know once I push that button a sharp little needle is going to poke my skin and hurt me I'm a little hesitant to push the button. It took a lot of encouraging until I actually did it. It hurt so much less than when the hospital used their equipment and it stung less after. I knew I could do it now. That doesn't mean I hesitate any less when I have it next to my finger, I still hesitate quite a bit every time I have to do it. Heather stuck around a little while later after my lesson and just visited with Mom and I.
A little while after Heather left my Dad came in to see me. I just told him what else I had learned from the previous night and talked about diabetes itself. It was only a couple minutes after my Dad arrived that my nurse came in with my insulin and informed me I now get to learn how to draw up my own insulin and administer it to myself. I could draw up my own insulin just fine, I understood where the shot had to go and how to prep the area, now... About injecting myself with that needle. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, I'm sure. It'll hurt less if you just stick the needle in quickly." I gave her my best unsure/freaked out look ever. "You'll be fine, I promise. Just don't think about it." My dad's encouragement, "You can do it." I look back at the nurse, "I just can't get over the fact that I'm about to shove a needle in my skin. Is it going to go in too far and hit something it shouldn't? Are you sure about this?" "You can't really go in too and hit anything because how you have it pinched it'll just go into the fat. I'm sure, just go for it." I think I sat there for at least 10 minutes the first time I gave myself a shot and after everyone was so proud haha. It didn't even hurt too bad, however, I still hesitate on all of my shots because I am still getting over the idea that I am about to stick something sharp and pointy into my skin. Now that I've learned the basics I was set, I hoped. I knew I'd learn more the next day.
When all of my visitors left I was left just to think.. It was a very rough night. I kept thinking how when I'd talk to some people they already knew my story or I didn't get to tell parts of it because someone else had already told them. I just felt like my voice was being taken away and it made me feel a little bit more helpless. All the people around checking in on me constantly and asking if I needed anything or doing things for me, as much as I appreciated it I also didn't like it because it was just making me feel more sick. That was the last thing I needed because I already felt helpless. I found out less than 24 hours ago that I am going to have this disease for the rest of my life and that it'll dictate most of the things in my life. I'll have to watch every single meal, always carry my glucometer, and make sure that when I'm exercising I don't get too low of blood sugar. I was really excited to be going to the gym and getting in shape and now I found out I should lay off until I can get my blood sugar stable. It was just one thing after the other.. I just felt so helpless. I knew I couldn't feel like that though because no one else can get this under control and maintain it other than me. This is my disease and something only I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I had to toughen up and after a good long cry I got some of my strength back. My saying "Weakness is my Strength" was really becoming the truth in this. Hopefully the next day is better and my blood sugar is down and I'll get to go home.
The ER
March 13, 2013
It was about 9:30 when we headed up to the emergency room, maybe closer to 10:00. Luckily, I didn't have to go alone, I had my mother with me and my best friend Jake to go with me. It took me a long time to decide that I wanted to go up. I kept thinking what if it's nothing and then I just rack up emergency room bills for no reason, or what if it's really serious, do I really want to know? When we got up there I told them how I was having some discomfort and pain in my chest, I thought it'd be a long time before we'd get back, it wasn't. Right after she was finished checking all my information they brought a wheelchair, had me sit and wheeled my right back. I felt bad because there was a girl who came in at the same time as me, close to my same age who was also having chest pains. She looked way worse than I did. I almost wanted to tell them to take her back first. We were off and to the back before I got a chance.
We got back into the room and they had me put on a gown. :( After I had it on they came in and started getting a list of all my symptoms and telling me all the tests they were going to run. While they were asking me all these questions they were also doing an EKG on me and just going a million miles a minute. They were talking about a few different ideas of what it could be and how they'd test for it. They talked about doing a lot of blood tests.. I hate blood tests because that means I have to have my blood drawn. :( After they were done asking me questions they came in to start running some tests. That's when they asked me to do a UA (Urine analysis). I just love those :/ Ten minutes later they came in to put in an IV and draw some blood. That's when I was happy Jake came so he could hold my hand and distract me from the needle in my arm. I was happy he came anyways but this was a bonus. He was up and by my side anytime a needle came in the room and always reassured me how good looking my blood is. I was also very happy that the one guy who drew my blood from my wrist which was very painful was so nice and tried really hard to make me feel better and you could tell he felt bad for doing it. I had a lot of very sweet people in the ER taking care of me which I was very appreciative of. They had two bags of saline they wanted to get in my IV to get me hydrated. All the visitors with needles seemed to slow down for a while and we were just in the room waiting. The doctor came in and talked to me about my symptoms and some possible explanations. He was very good at reassuring me they'd do all the tests they could to figure out what it was. Unfortunately this took more blood being drawn. I think they took at least nine vials in the ER to do tests. I got used to the little box they carry around and knew when they were coming to take my blood. They told me a lot of possibilities and all the different tests they'd run if a certain test came out a certain way, all of which are lost on me now. They did this for a good two hours. It was about 12:30 that night when the doctor came in with his findings. As much as they mentioned this being a possibility I didn't even think anything of it because they had mentioned so many things. All of the thinking and freaking out over the worst case scenarios nothing prepared me for this. Maybe because I didn't even think it was a real possibility, even after the nurse had talked to me about it and told me it's likely. I guess it really just took the doctor saying it to get it into my head. "You have diabetes."
My heart just sank and I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let myself.. I looked at Jake and my mother and there faces read the same. Complete shock. He was telling me how he was positive it was early onset type 1 diabetes. How my blood sugar level which should normally be 65-90 was 500. How all of my symptoms (other than the pains in my chest, we still don't know what that is) are symptoms of diabetes. The question "Is this something that'll go away after taking care of it?" came up and unfortunately the doctors answer was no. That was devastating, just thinking I have diabetes, I am going to have this the rest of my life was a haunting thought. The discussion went longer than this seems, we did talk about it in a lot more detail. I just can't remember for the life of me. A lot of the conversations have blurred into a big mess of words. Now I just had to wait for another doctor who has a very large interest in diabetes to come in and talk to us about further treatment before they admitted me. In the mean time they took my blood sugar and I believe they gave me an insulin shot in the ER before I went up to my room. I can't remember anymore. He finally came in and just gave me more information on diabetes and told me he would take me on as a regular patient if I wanted. It was about 1:30 or 2:00 before I went up to my room. They had me get in another wheelchair and wheeled me up there. Did I mention I hate wheelchairs? They make me feel so helpless. This began my hospital stay..
It was about 9:30 when we headed up to the emergency room, maybe closer to 10:00. Luckily, I didn't have to go alone, I had my mother with me and my best friend Jake to go with me. It took me a long time to decide that I wanted to go up. I kept thinking what if it's nothing and then I just rack up emergency room bills for no reason, or what if it's really serious, do I really want to know? When we got up there I told them how I was having some discomfort and pain in my chest, I thought it'd be a long time before we'd get back, it wasn't. Right after she was finished checking all my information they brought a wheelchair, had me sit and wheeled my right back. I felt bad because there was a girl who came in at the same time as me, close to my same age who was also having chest pains. She looked way worse than I did. I almost wanted to tell them to take her back first. We were off and to the back before I got a chance.
We got back into the room and they had me put on a gown. :( After I had it on they came in and started getting a list of all my symptoms and telling me all the tests they were going to run. While they were asking me all these questions they were also doing an EKG on me and just going a million miles a minute. They were talking about a few different ideas of what it could be and how they'd test for it. They talked about doing a lot of blood tests.. I hate blood tests because that means I have to have my blood drawn. :( After they were done asking me questions they came in to start running some tests. That's when they asked me to do a UA (Urine analysis). I just love those :/ Ten minutes later they came in to put in an IV and draw some blood. That's when I was happy Jake came so he could hold my hand and distract me from the needle in my arm. I was happy he came anyways but this was a bonus. He was up and by my side anytime a needle came in the room and always reassured me how good looking my blood is. I was also very happy that the one guy who drew my blood from my wrist which was very painful was so nice and tried really hard to make me feel better and you could tell he felt bad for doing it. I had a lot of very sweet people in the ER taking care of me which I was very appreciative of. They had two bags of saline they wanted to get in my IV to get me hydrated. All the visitors with needles seemed to slow down for a while and we were just in the room waiting. The doctor came in and talked to me about my symptoms and some possible explanations. He was very good at reassuring me they'd do all the tests they could to figure out what it was. Unfortunately this took more blood being drawn. I think they took at least nine vials in the ER to do tests. I got used to the little box they carry around and knew when they were coming to take my blood. They told me a lot of possibilities and all the different tests they'd run if a certain test came out a certain way, all of which are lost on me now. They did this for a good two hours. It was about 12:30 that night when the doctor came in with his findings. As much as they mentioned this being a possibility I didn't even think anything of it because they had mentioned so many things. All of the thinking and freaking out over the worst case scenarios nothing prepared me for this. Maybe because I didn't even think it was a real possibility, even after the nurse had talked to me about it and told me it's likely. I guess it really just took the doctor saying it to get it into my head. "You have diabetes."
My heart just sank and I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let myself.. I looked at Jake and my mother and there faces read the same. Complete shock. He was telling me how he was positive it was early onset type 1 diabetes. How my blood sugar level which should normally be 65-90 was 500. How all of my symptoms (other than the pains in my chest, we still don't know what that is) are symptoms of diabetes. The question "Is this something that'll go away after taking care of it?" came up and unfortunately the doctors answer was no. That was devastating, just thinking I have diabetes, I am going to have this the rest of my life was a haunting thought. The discussion went longer than this seems, we did talk about it in a lot more detail. I just can't remember for the life of me. A lot of the conversations have blurred into a big mess of words. Now I just had to wait for another doctor who has a very large interest in diabetes to come in and talk to us about further treatment before they admitted me. In the mean time they took my blood sugar and I believe they gave me an insulin shot in the ER before I went up to my room. I can't remember anymore. He finally came in and just gave me more information on diabetes and told me he would take me on as a regular patient if I wanted. It was about 1:30 or 2:00 before I went up to my room. They had me get in another wheelchair and wheeled me up there. Did I mention I hate wheelchairs? They make me feel so helpless. This began my hospital stay..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)