And The Rest is History..

March 19, 2013
 This morning I got to experience first hand just how temperamental your blood sugar can be. I think the hardest part will be learning how foods and exercise are going to effect me and be able to plan accordingly. Overall I'm feeling really confident in it all. It's already becoming just second nature. Sure, there are times where I think, "Why is this all happening? Can I just go back in time and change this? Would it really be that bad if I just ate this?" I just have started to come to terms with the fact that this is something I can't change and it's only hurting me more to fight it. I just have to be able to get over those questions and realize just how awesome I am doing with all of this. I can check my blood sugar most the time now without hesitation and if there is hesitation it's about 20 seconds. I can give myself shots with little hesitation maybe 30 second hesitation. Yeah, there are times where I have longer hesitation just because I have test that finger on that side and it hurt more than others or the spot in my leg hurts more to give insulin or I just start thinking about sticking a needle in myself and freak out. I have gotten so much better though at everything and most the time I just can't even remember not doing all of this. It's crazy how fast I've adjusted but I think that's why I was given this was because I can adjust quickly when I need to and I can adapt and deal with it. I just have to keep telling myself when ever I think, "I don't want to do this the rest of my life. I don't want this disease." That this is my disease and it's definitely not something that needs to have this much of an affect on me. I was given it, I can handle it, I am doing awesome at this, get over it and don't let it stop me from living my life. It's just that, MY life. I am thinking about this as a relationship, because really the symptoms are all similar. When you have your lows you feel really awful and all you want is some freaking sugar, a bad fight with your boyfriend how many girls just watch chick flicks and eat junk food? When you have something really awesome like a first kiss or something you get a little bit light headed and feel a little weird. The middle is just awesome because you feel good and you know you're in a good spot and you're just happy all day and you know you can take on anything because you've got this! Who needs boys when you have diabetes to do all this for you? Could you imagine having diabetes and a boyfriend? Oh heavens, I have anxiety just thinking about it. The last thing I need is more stress from trying to deal with a relationship with anyone.

 My relationship was all over the place today! I'm assuming that I'll have a lot of days like this at least to start out with and hopefully not too many after that. I woke up and I was feeling so great because I felt like I was becoming so good at everything. Making my carbohydrates the right amount but getting a lot of food was becoming a piece of cake! (Bahaha I think I'll come up with a new diabetic friendly analogy, that one just makes me want a cupcake)Tracking my food has just become something I do before I eat. I could give my shots and check my blood sugar with little hesitation, that's a huge needle considering my fear of needles. I was incredibly confident in myself and I knew without a doubt I could do all of this and I soon I won't even be able to remember a time when I didn't have diabetes. Well, it lasted until I had to deal with getting my doctors appointment scheduled. In the ER Dr. Maready told me he'd be more than happy to take me on as his patient even though he has a busy schedule. So, naturally when I was finishing up my hospital stay and they asked me who my regular doctor was going to be I told them him because it just seemed so perfect. Too perfect. I call today to make an appointment because my discharge papers said I had to do a follow up with Dr. Maready in a week. Well, when I call I tell them the situation and what he had said and they tell me the next new patient appointment they have available for me is in May. Now why would it be helpful for me to have a doctor who can't see me for a couple months? Especially when my insulin and syringe supply will doubtfully last me that long. "Are you sure that's the earliest I can get in even where he told me in the ER that he would take me on as a patient?" "Yes, that's the soonest it can be. I can transfer you to a different doctor and see if they have any earlier available appointments." You would not believe how many times I got this run around. Everyone seems to be booked a lot later than I need them. That's my goal for tomorrow is calling around to find a doctor who can see me and start helping me with this. I am so not excited.

 I got home from going around trying to figure out why he said he'd take me on if he was booked out this far and who I could go see now and I was just exhausted. I didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted to go back a week and take everything back. Start over and pretend like all of this never happened. I just started getting too overwhelmed and I became very negative. Now I know that right now anything negative I do not need. After I stopped thinking about it and just got back to my routine and tried not to stress about it I started to feel a lot better. Acting normal really helps me to just think this is how it's always been. However, acting normal can also make me realize this is not how it's always been. Even just going bowling my blood sugar dropped by 68. I got to have a treat though! Then I realized how I have to be extra careful on what my treats are. For example my little mini Twix I had which is only 12 carbohydrates or so brought my blood sugar back up to 166 from 94. That's quite the leap in an hour. It's starting to become more and more apparent how extremely careful I have to be with all of this. Pretty soon this will all be natural and I will be so good at counting carbohydrates and I will know my body so well I can just tell what my blood sugar is by how I feel. Fingers crossed and wish me luck!

Oh and I thought I'd post my meals because I was so proud of them :)