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When I got up to my room there were an abundance of nurses talking to me about how my stay would work and how I'd be getting insulin every so often and check my blood sugar just as often if not more. They had so many things to do to get me set up in my room and all checked in for my stay. After they left I really couldn't sleep at all that night, there was too much on my mind. I was in shock who can think about sleeping? Luckily, Jake stayed the night so I would have someone in the room and I wasn't just in there hanging out. I finally fell asleep at about 3:30 after a lot of thinking and trying to talk it out, only to be woken up at 4:30 to have my blood drawn. Did I ever mention I hate needles? I guess it's kind of a funny joke that now I have diabetes and will have needles in my life absolutely everyday. I've yet to laugh about it. It seemed like the nurses would know I'd only been asleep for a little while before they needed to come in and check my vitals. That got annoying very quickly.When I finally got sick of being woken up I just stayed awake, that's when I decided I'd send out a text message to all of my siblings telling them the news, I didn't want to call and tell everyone because I cry every time I say I have diabetes. Can I just go back to sleep and wake up and this was all a bad dream? I couldn't. I have to face this head on. At first I don't think I realized how big this was. I did after talking with my siblings. I also felt a lot of support and a lot of love which is always a good thing. However it was still very hard talking to people about it and having to come to terms with the fact that I now can legitimately say, "I have diabetes." It really did help me to talk to my siblings about it and know I have their support. I liked being able to talk to Terena about how similar my Grandpa and I are and finding that diabetes is just one more thing we have in common and just being able to talk about having a reason now for all of my symptoms. Heather helped me because she is learning about nutrition and knowing I'll be able to go to her with questions if I have any is very comforting. Ryan helped because I just was able to talk to someone and it was comforting when I am sitting in a room alone. Jason helped when he said, "It's just another stepping stone that will become second nature." It helped just knowing soon this will all be easy and just my life. Jessica helped because she reminded me I'm not the only one who has it and I can talk to people who do have it and get advice and help. Sheila and I joked about me needing her to knit/crochet me a bonnet to make me feel better. I'd look so good. ;) Last but not least Angella helped me when we sent pictures of ourselves being bored to each other. Even from Colorado she was still there to keep me company. I have the best siblings in the world and they are always there for me.
Later that morning I learned something else that I will have to deal with the rest of my life, that I now have to count my carbohydrate intake for every meal. I can no longer eat anything I want, whenever I want. I really have to think about it and how it'll effect my blood sugar. Now all I want is a cupcake. :(
I was hoping to go home that day but they had other plans for me. :/ I had to stay until they could get my blood sugar stabilized, until I could learn how to manage my diet to keep my blood sugar down long enough to have a follow up appointment with a dietitian, I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar, and I also had to learn how to give myself my own insulin shots.
The hospital dietitian came in and was about to start talking with me about how I should change my diet and things I should be eating and not eating, luckily she let me wait until Heather and my Mother were there. They both brought me flowers from the family when they got there. Thank you family. :) Heather got there at about the same time mom did 12:00. Terel (the dietitian) would be coming back at 1:00 so this gave us a good hour to visit. We spent most of the time watching those dumb videos that go viral. The one where the girl burns her hair off, the guy who jumps into a puddle that's actually a manhole, the lady giving us her shopping list and accidentally eats a chili, etc. It was good to be able to sit and laugh and not be so bored. Did I mention the sound on my TV was broken until later that night? It was very boring and silent sitting in there alone. I was glad to have the company. I also got a hug from Terena through Heather and an "I love you" from her husband Darin. I'm glad I have such a supportive family.
Terel came back and asked if I'd like to learn about my glucometer or my new diet first. Naturally hating needles as much as I do I said, "Well that depends, does the glucometer come with a demonstration?" "Yes" "Well then, I'd like to learn about my new diet." She was really helpful explaining a little bit more about my diabetes and how I most likely got it and why my body acts the way it does. Basically my body got a virus that got rid of the cells that produce my insulin. Insulin helps you to break down the sugar you bring into your body and utilize it. Without insulin my body wasn't functioning the way it was supposed to and it made me constantly thirsty and really light headed. Since they thought this was more likely caused by a virus than genetically I wanted to know if this is something my kids could possibly get genetically. Terel told me that since I got diabetes at kind of a borderline age it's possible that my kids could get it genetically. From what I understand the younger you get the disease is when it becomes something you can pass on through genetics. That didn't make me feel so swell. :/ So now I have a strict diet to make sure I don't have to high or too low of blood sugar. I also have to go in and have 1 hour classes Monday and Wednesday to learn more about my diet and what I can and can't eat. I have to keep a good record of what I eat and my blood sugar before meals so they can better help me to find foods that'll be better for me. Then we learned a little more about my new glucometer.. Demonstration time. She showed me how to insert the needle and then the spots on my fingers where I should be placing it and how to check with my test strips. That's when I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar. Now I've never understood how people self harm, it's always baffled me. So as you can imagine when I have this little thing on my finger and I know once I push that button a sharp little needle is going to poke my skin and hurt me I'm a little hesitant to push the button. It took a lot of encouraging until I actually did it. It hurt so much less than when the hospital used their equipment and it stung less after. I knew I could do it now. That doesn't mean I hesitate any less when I have it next to my finger, I still hesitate quite a bit every time I have to do it. Heather stuck around a little while later after my lesson and just visited with Mom and I.
A little while after Heather left my Dad came in to see me. I just told him what else I had learned from the previous night and talked about diabetes itself. It was only a couple minutes after my Dad arrived that my nurse came in with my insulin and informed me I now get to learn how to draw up my own insulin and administer it to myself. I could draw up my own insulin just fine, I understood where the shot had to go and how to prep the area, now... About injecting myself with that needle. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, I'm sure. It'll hurt less if you just stick the needle in quickly." I gave her my best unsure/freaked out look ever. "You'll be fine, I promise. Just don't think about it." My dad's encouragement, "You can do it." I look back at the nurse, "I just can't get over the fact that I'm about to shove a needle in my skin. Is it going to go in too far and hit something it shouldn't? Are you sure about this?" "You can't really go in too and hit anything because how you have it pinched it'll just go into the fat. I'm sure, just go for it." I think I sat there for at least 10 minutes the first time I gave myself a shot and after everyone was so proud haha. It didn't even hurt too bad, however, I still hesitate on all of my shots because I am still getting over the idea that I am about to stick something sharp and pointy into my skin. Now that I've learned the basics I was set, I hoped. I knew I'd learn more the next day.
When all of my visitors left I was left just to think.. It was a very rough night. I kept thinking how when I'd talk to some people they already knew my story or I didn't get to tell parts of it because someone else had already told them. I just felt like my voice was being taken away and it made me feel a little bit more helpless. All the people around checking in on me constantly and asking if I needed anything or doing things for me, as much as I appreciated it I also didn't like it because it was just making me feel more sick. That was the last thing I needed because I already felt helpless. I found out less than 24 hours ago that I am going to have this disease for the rest of my life and that it'll dictate most of the things in my life. I'll have to watch every single meal, always carry my glucometer, and make sure that when I'm exercising I don't get too low of blood sugar. I was really excited to be going to the gym and getting in shape and now I found out I should lay off until I can get my blood sugar stable. It was just one thing after the other.. I just felt so helpless. I knew I couldn't feel like that though because no one else can get this under control and maintain it other than me. This is my disease and something only I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I had to toughen up and after a good long cry I got some of my strength back. My saying "Weakness is my Strength" was really becoming the truth in this. Hopefully the next day is better and my blood sugar is down and I'll get to go home.
The hospital dietitian came in and was about to start talking with me about how I should change my diet and things I should be eating and not eating, luckily she let me wait until Heather and my Mother were there. They both brought me flowers from the family when they got there. Thank you family. :) Heather got there at about the same time mom did 12:00. Terel (the dietitian) would be coming back at 1:00 so this gave us a good hour to visit. We spent most of the time watching those dumb videos that go viral. The one where the girl burns her hair off, the guy who jumps into a puddle that's actually a manhole, the lady giving us her shopping list and accidentally eats a chili, etc. It was good to be able to sit and laugh and not be so bored. Did I mention the sound on my TV was broken until later that night? It was very boring and silent sitting in there alone. I was glad to have the company. I also got a hug from Terena through Heather and an "I love you" from her husband Darin. I'm glad I have such a supportive family.
Terel came back and asked if I'd like to learn about my glucometer or my new diet first. Naturally hating needles as much as I do I said, "Well that depends, does the glucometer come with a demonstration?" "Yes" "Well then, I'd like to learn about my new diet." She was really helpful explaining a little bit more about my diabetes and how I most likely got it and why my body acts the way it does. Basically my body got a virus that got rid of the cells that produce my insulin. Insulin helps you to break down the sugar you bring into your body and utilize it. Without insulin my body wasn't functioning the way it was supposed to and it made me constantly thirsty and really light headed. Since they thought this was more likely caused by a virus than genetically I wanted to know if this is something my kids could possibly get genetically. Terel told me that since I got diabetes at kind of a borderline age it's possible that my kids could get it genetically. From what I understand the younger you get the disease is when it becomes something you can pass on through genetics. That didn't make me feel so swell. :/ So now I have a strict diet to make sure I don't have to high or too low of blood sugar. I also have to go in and have 1 hour classes Monday and Wednesday to learn more about my diet and what I can and can't eat. I have to keep a good record of what I eat and my blood sugar before meals so they can better help me to find foods that'll be better for me. Then we learned a little more about my new glucometer.. Demonstration time. She showed me how to insert the needle and then the spots on my fingers where I should be placing it and how to check with my test strips. That's when I had to learn how to check my own blood sugar. Now I've never understood how people self harm, it's always baffled me. So as you can imagine when I have this little thing on my finger and I know once I push that button a sharp little needle is going to poke my skin and hurt me I'm a little hesitant to push the button. It took a lot of encouraging until I actually did it. It hurt so much less than when the hospital used their equipment and it stung less after. I knew I could do it now. That doesn't mean I hesitate any less when I have it next to my finger, I still hesitate quite a bit every time I have to do it. Heather stuck around a little while later after my lesson and just visited with Mom and I.
A little while after Heather left my Dad came in to see me. I just told him what else I had learned from the previous night and talked about diabetes itself. It was only a couple minutes after my Dad arrived that my nurse came in with my insulin and informed me I now get to learn how to draw up my own insulin and administer it to myself. I could draw up my own insulin just fine, I understood where the shot had to go and how to prep the area, now... About injecting myself with that needle. "Are you sure about this?" "Yes, I'm sure. It'll hurt less if you just stick the needle in quickly." I gave her my best unsure/freaked out look ever. "You'll be fine, I promise. Just don't think about it." My dad's encouragement, "You can do it." I look back at the nurse, "I just can't get over the fact that I'm about to shove a needle in my skin. Is it going to go in too far and hit something it shouldn't? Are you sure about this?" "You can't really go in too and hit anything because how you have it pinched it'll just go into the fat. I'm sure, just go for it." I think I sat there for at least 10 minutes the first time I gave myself a shot and after everyone was so proud haha. It didn't even hurt too bad, however, I still hesitate on all of my shots because I am still getting over the idea that I am about to stick something sharp and pointy into my skin. Now that I've learned the basics I was set, I hoped. I knew I'd learn more the next day.
When all of my visitors left I was left just to think.. It was a very rough night. I kept thinking how when I'd talk to some people they already knew my story or I didn't get to tell parts of it because someone else had already told them. I just felt like my voice was being taken away and it made me feel a little bit more helpless. All the people around checking in on me constantly and asking if I needed anything or doing things for me, as much as I appreciated it I also didn't like it because it was just making me feel more sick. That was the last thing I needed because I already felt helpless. I found out less than 24 hours ago that I am going to have this disease for the rest of my life and that it'll dictate most of the things in my life. I'll have to watch every single meal, always carry my glucometer, and make sure that when I'm exercising I don't get too low of blood sugar. I was really excited to be going to the gym and getting in shape and now I found out I should lay off until I can get my blood sugar stable. It was just one thing after the other.. I just felt so helpless. I knew I couldn't feel like that though because no one else can get this under control and maintain it other than me. This is my disease and something only I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I had to toughen up and after a good long cry I got some of my strength back. My saying "Weakness is my Strength" was really becoming the truth in this. Hopefully the next day is better and my blood sugar is down and I'll get to go home.
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