Happy Easter!

March 31, 2013

 Happy Easter everyone! :) Today has been kind of bitter sweet this year. I loved this holiday because of all the candy and those delicious Reese's eggs. Oh my goodness those eggs are my favorite things in the world. So are Cadbury eggs. Well one little Reese's egg is about half the carbohydrates for on of my whole meals. That's just a little bit ridiculous, so as you can imagine candy is out of the question for little old Karrie. It's not like this is an awful thing, a lot of candy isn't good for you anyways and I feel very healthy without it. I guess it just gets to me because that's one of the things I have to be more careful about than everyone else without diabetes. I have to watch everything I eat and I can't just binge on candy all day or I will get very very sick. Everyone else probably will to their bodies will just be able to work it out eventually on it's own. My body doesn't have that privilege anymore. I know there is bad and good to absolutely everything, I am just starting to see more of the downsides of this or the inconveniences if you will. I know there are a lot of benefits to it: I found out really early and it's going to help for when I am older, there's a lot more modern technology to help me with this, I am getting healthier, I work out a lot more, I have a lot more self control, I am stronger than I thought and I am learning a lot more patience. I realize that there are going to be a lot of times I have to put my health and my needs before my wants. That means when I want to eat whatever I want or if I wanted to do a lot of strenuous activities I would have to keep a very close eye on my blood sugar level. I have to really think ahead with everything I do now and be very careful that I don't make this any worse for myself. That doesn't mean I can't do everything I want to in life it just means I have to find new ways to do it to be healthier. I have been thinking about it a lot and I think my body was killing off the cells I need for a very long time and it only got worse recently. I always had days where everything was just so crystal clear that it was unbelievable. Then there were days where everything was all just kind of a blur and I just felt weird. It's very possible that I'm just now saying everything has something to do with my diabetes because in ways it makes sense and then I won't have to wonder anymore. I just know that I was meant to get this because it is something I have to learn from. There are many things I'm learning already about myself and what I need to change and do better. There is something from this that is going to help me the rest of my life and I just have to stop thinking of how inconvenient and sad it is that I can't do a lot of the things I used to. I just wasn't supposed to live like I was. I'm supposed to be healthy and exercise and eat right. I am supposed to have patience and be stronger and know I can do the things I never thought I'd have to. This is not supposed to make me or bring me down. It's only supposed to strengthen me and help me in the future.

 I've started to find that it helps me to be able to help people do the things I can't. I love baking or making yummy things that I can't necessarily eat right now and helps to be able to do it. It's kind of weird but it's almost like if I can still make the things but not eat them then I don't feel as deprived. I really do think I will be doing something that will be helping others or baking in my own diabetic cupcake shop. There's a world full of possibilities that I can do I just haven't decided which one is right for me yet. I loved this morning waking up and watching Brett look through his Easter basket and eat the candy. I really don't want to be cut off from it all just because I can't be as involved because that just makes life so much sadder. I love being able to be around people and they still eat sweets or work out really hard, I just don't and that's fine. The world doesn't need to stop living because I have diabetes. My family doesn't need to go on the same diet and cut out anything sugar in their lives because I'm diabetic. If I cut myself off completely from everything I can't do it will be so much harder later on to be able to be around it and not participate. I can't hide from this and I can't take a day off. Why sit and pretend that I can? That will only make it worse for myself and I will sit here and feel sorry for myself and not get anything done. This is something I have to face head on and just deal with anything that comes my way. Yes, I do feel sad sometimes, but I think that is very reasonable considering the big life change that this is.

 I have just been thinking so much the last few days. A lot of them I have been feeling really down or just really moody. I don't really know what's gotten into me the last few days. I think I have just had a lot of time to myself and I've just been thinking. It's really started to hit hard how different my life is going to be, it's a good thing it's just really stressful and sometimes hard to handle. My biggest thought lately is how grateful I am to have the people in my life that I do. They always try to help me anyway they can. I get a lot of picture messages or text messages of certain foods and their carbohydrates and how many I can eat of them. It's kind of funny because now everyone I'm around looks at the carbohydrates on packages just to see what it is. I really appreciate that the people in my life don't cause me stress or drama and how supportive they are. I couldn't have asked for better people to be around while I go through this life change. Thank you for everyone who has been there for me. :)

 Now, I have to set some goals for myself to help me get back to normal. At least somewhat normal. I'm going to work out 6 days a week and then the seventh day I will just go outside and read or take a small walk. I'm just going to get some sun and exercise and see if that helps even out some of my moods. I definitely have to get my moods somewhat in check because right now it is driving me crazy to be so moody everyday. I can go from being in an awesome mood to just blahhh or so grumpy. It really is driving me nuts and I'm sure everyone around me nuts as well. Next goal is to keep very organized and have my meals more planned out. It's a lot quicker that way to get through the day. My last goal is to be very positive, I know I am going to have more days where it will be very easy to feel down and sorry for myself and I just can't allow it. It isn't helping at all to feel sorry for myself. Oh I also need to start reading more and taking more pictures. I need to start doing things I enjoy instead of focusing more on my diabetes.

 Today, I am happy to be surrounded by family and have some normality. Today starts working on my goals and trying to be a happier person. I am determined that today will be a better day. :)