Ambition vs. Laziness

April 12, 2013
 First off, I have never had a harder time writing the date than I do on these blog posts. Every time I start to write the date I have to change it from March to April. It's April, Karrie, get it right! Today has been a battle because I have so many things I want to do and just enough time to do them but for some reason I just can't get myself up and doing them. I wasn't too lazy because I only sat to relax for a little while but I didn't get all of the things done I wanted to. :/ It's okay because I did some things and that's less to do the next day. :)

 I am going to try to branch out in my foods and try more things. If you have any suggestions I am more than open to recipes or your favorite meals. I am sure I can diabetify them. Haha that's not actually a word, even though it probably should be. I bought artichokes the other day to try them out because I've heard how amazing they are. Now I just need an absolutely amazing way to cook them so I like them more. Right now it's very debatable whether or not they are good. I want my vegetables to be like candy to me! Again, any recipes or favorite meals are more than welcome. :)

 Getting a hang of this whole carbohydrate counting is starting to be a bad thing. I am getting so good that I can most meals sneak in some candy or something sweet and so I end up eating a lot of sugar now. I have to stop. That is my next goal, after all the goodies are eaten of course, is to not eat sugar unless I need to. Lucky me I get to need sugar sometimes if I drop. It's one of the quickest ways to bring my blood sugar back up which is exactly what I need. Good luck to me..

 Whenever I am at work my blood sugar always drops towards the end of my shift so when I'm handing people their papers or taking money anything like that my hands start to shake a ridiculous amount. I always wonder if they can notice the paper shaking or if it's just worse in my head because I can feel it and see it. I have noticed that whenever I want to see if I am getting low I just hold my hand out and watch to see if it starts shaking. I hope it's not too noticeable, then again I hope it is in case it gets too low and I need someone to help me. I started noticing when other peoples hands shake and I wonder if they have low blood sugar. I haven't had the courage to strike up a conversation about it but I notice it!

 While I need to get more consistent with my exercising and to do lists I need to also stop being so hard on myself. I am doing so well with all of this and just taking it as it comes and I just keep focusing on all of the things I need to work on. I do need to know those but I need to be proud of myself because I have come a long way in the last month. I have been thrown a lot and I have just dealt with all of it in the most positive and best way I could. It's almost been a month since I was diagnosed and I can't even tell. I have adapted very well and learned so quickly with everything. Even my doctor and dietitians aren't worried about it at all. I don't even have to go in to the dietitian anymore because I took everything they taught me the first couple times and I have just excelled from there.

 The main reasons I think that I have diabetes is because it's made me more independent, healthier, more confident, extremely positive, I'm learning a lot of tolerance, an abundance of patience, and I have realized how great my creative outlets are when I'm stressed. I love writing and I haven't in a long time and now I do everyday. Okay, almost everyday or twice one day to make up for the day I missed. :P I know that I have my down days where I am just angry and I don't understand, now I am just fine with it. This isn't a bad thing at all. If anything it's an incredible learning experience. I have always been a cautious person that wouldn't try anything without knowing all of the outcomes and deciding if it is going to be a good thing for me. Well, now I know more of my limitations which is a great way to cross out a lot of worry. I am not limited from anything with this, I just know what I have to do before so I can stay safe.

 I'm glad that I have this because I have learned a lot of things that I don't know how I would've otherwise. I know how much I can do. I give myself shots everyday like it's nothing. I prick my finger every single day without question. I exercise and eat right. This is just leading me to a very positive place where I can grow and become a better version of myself. Really that's how it should be. I also have learned that I should not ever compare myself to anyone else's accomplishments because they are their own person. They have been through their own trials and given their own strengths. The only person I should compare myself is to the old version of myself. Compare and make note of what I can do better for my future self. I'm glad that I have this because I look forward to so much more. I get excited a lot about the smallest of things. I can feel myself becoming just unconditionally happy. :) That's an amazing feeling. I wouldn't trade that for all the sugar in the world. I know that I have a disease and I can sometimes be sick, but in reality I am healthier than most of the people in the US because I have to be. I have to eat healthy and exercise. I mean I don't absolutely have to, I could suffer the consequences later. I just choose not to because I value my overall health better than letting this insignificant disease get the best of me. That's all it is, a disease. It doesn't dictate my every move or meal it just helps me to choose better for myself.