It's Been Long Over Due..

April 21, 2013
 This one is a post that my sister suggested I write quite a few weeks ago. Oops. She wanted me to a blog post all about me. Just to give some background knowledge on my likes and dislikes and my hobbies. I guess I wasn't really to sure what I would say even if I wrote the post. I'm still not but I guess I will just write what I think of. I've always been told that even when I was very little I was incredibly stubborn. I wanted to do things my way or they just weren't going to happen. That still is very true to this day. I also wasn't very nice when I was little. I feel so bad but I was very rude to my sister. I definitely did not want to be beneath her so I would hurt her so I could be the bigger person. I hated it when I did it because I knew I shouldn't be but the stubborn part of me took over and wouldn't let me stop. I never meant to be so rude. I am just glad that I know a little better now.

 I went to preschool and my very first day I decided I was never going back, I never did. When I went to K-12 I started out and I got picked on a lot. I never let anyone know about it but I remember being picked on even that little. I think I was very shy because for some reason I remember having my friend be kind of picked out for me. That's really sad when I think about it. We were best friends until we hit fourth grade. That's when I decided that I wanted a different friend. In the fourth grade I lost my best friend, my grandpa. It was one of the hardest things I've had to go through to date and it took me well into high school to be able to accept it. He came over all of the time and I loved every visit. I always gave him hugs and sat on his lap and played with the pens in his pocket or fiddled with the beads on the necklace he always wore. I spent my whole summer in the hospital with him almost everyday drawing pictures for him and just sitting on the ground to keep him company. I remember so vividly he would always flirt with the nurses. There was one time he asked when his sponge bath was. He was one of my favorite people and it was very hard on me to watch him go.

 When I went to the fifth grade I didn't have any friends and just kept to myself. That's when the teacher asked me who I wanted to be friends with and she made sure that I hung out with whoever I chose. Again, that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Things were getting better and then, I went to middle school. That's when all the peer pressure and stupid images people have for girls started to get to my friends. I spent my middle school experience trying my hardest to help my friends who were struggling and worried to much about their appearance that it became harmful to themselves. They were too worried about what people thought they couldn't even care less about what they did to themselves. They were just craving the attention. I beat myself up all middle school because I couldn't help them..  I couldn't do anything about it and it drove me nuts. That's when I started to get really depressed and get anxiety. I was around the negativity so much that it became apart of my own life. This is when I started to learn how to be positive and only surround myself with positive.

 I struggled a lot with it and did get some help. That's when I decided that help wasn't for me. I was so used to being the one who helped that I knew how messed up I would sound. I didn't want people to hear me like that. I did everything I could to fix the problem on my own and not need any assistance. I didn't do very well in high school. I struggled a lot around the people because I couldn't believe some of the things they were doing. I didn't like the school work because it was either too easy or too hard and I wasn't one to ask for help.

 The beginning of junior year I got an ovarian cyst which made it very painful to walk up and down the stairs or walk in general. I didn't end up going to a few weeks of school because I just couldn't handle walking around. When I went back I was so behind that every time I tried to catch up I would get overwhelmed and have an anxiety attack. I eventually just stopped going to school. I would avoid it as best I could and my grades slipped heavily. That's when I went to an alternative high school which ended up being so much better for me. I got all the help I needed because there were so little students they were truly focused on your grades and how you were doing. That was one of the best things I could have done.  I ended up graduating and having some pretty awesome grades. Now here I am.

 I have always loved photography and always felt that I had a real talent for it. I hope that one day I can be a professional photographer and travel the world. Writing is another one of my passions. I have always felt that I have a knack for it. Writing books is another one of my hopes for my future. I want to go into psychology as my field of study. I have always helped people when they were struggling and only want to continue that. I want to go into a field where I help troubled youth, because I have been there and I know how it feels. If that isn't enough I would also like to go into cosmetology and  do that on the side. I also hope that I will get the opportunity to be involved in a lot of humanitarian programs. I would love to go to Africa and volunteer with people and also with the animals there. I don't know why but there is something about that culture that just fascinates me. One day I hope I will get to do all of these things. I guess it's just a matter of trying. :)