We All Seem To Miss What's Important..

April 29, 2013
 This week I've been doing a lot of thinking and trying to move on from some things.. It has been a really hard week and very confusing. I've also been incredibly frustrated with my diabetes because I have to come up with extra money for it. I have to work harder and look for work that I can get enough hours just to be able to pay for my insulin. I am struggling to keep my head above water and I am receiving a lot of help from my loved ones and a lot of great organizations. Sometimes the support I don't feel that I deserve because I haven't gotten my emotions 100% in check. One minute I can be just fine and totally happy and the next I am anxious or fidgety and sometimes I just sit there and stare at the wall and think. A lot of it has to do with where my blood sugar is at because it really does have that big of an impact on me. I feel bad for the people around me because I am still learning to control it. It's like I have PMS 24/7 and those poor people that catch me at a time where I just don't feel like talking at all to anyone under any circumstances. I have been thinking a lot about how I can just let it all go and become a happier me. I have looked for positive in everything and exercised trying to be as healthy as possible. After all a healthy girl is a happy girl. But today it just hit me..

 I did yoga this morning and it was so nice to just relax and physically let go of everything that doesn't do anything positive for me. It really was rejuvenating to just mentally let go of all of my stresses. It showed in the rest of my day. I would just randomly smile and be excited about the simplest of things. I've had a completely different day all because I have changed my thought process. Being happy is one of my main goals in life. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing all that I wish to be is happy. I'm finally learning how to be happy without depending on someone else to put that smile on my face. I am allowing life to change me in anyway it's supposed to because really, what's the worst that could happen? I might actually enjoy waking up and taking everyday head on? How bad is that?

 I've been dying to move away and get a fresh start but I've realized that every place you go will be the same. The climate, land and people might change but if you really start to look for similarities in places you will always find some. There will always be the same type of people and same type of problems wherever you go. The only difference when you move is you have got it in your head that you don't want that life anymore and you do absolutely everything different to try to achieve that goal. What you are changing is your attitude and what you are willing to accept for yourself. I can make a new life for myself right where I am. Everyday we are given another opportunity to change our lives. Just by changing one thing you did the previous day that you might not have been the most pleased with you are automatically making your day a little bit brighter and changing your future. One thing a day to better yourself.. How hard could that really be? Maybe even work on one thing for a week and the next week find something new to work on. That's all it takes is changing one thing to change your entire week. I'm just starting to change my attitude and only better myself from here on out because it really does make that big of a difference to your well being. I'm letting go of the negativity and the things that aren't good for me or the things that I simply just cannot change. I've been sad for so long and so dependent on others for my happiness that I forgot how to just be happy with out anyone making it that way.

Just a simple weed, but the sweetest gesture.

 Being dependent on someone for my happiness and allowing others to bring happiness into my life are two very different things. Tonight when I was taking Trixxy on a walk I was just feeling very frustrated because it'd been two and a half blocks and I could start to feel my blood sugar dropping. We were just walking and I was getting very frustrated that something so simple and easy was so hard for me now. There have been a lot of times that I will be doing something I used to be able to do just fine and feel my blood sugar drop and I get very frustrated because I have to stop and have sugar. I kept walking for a while because I wasn't going to let this stop me from walking, I would just take it slower. Well, I walked another half block and saw there were some boys out in their yard with their dad and he was fixing up their lawn and had the sidewalk in front of his house closed off. So, naturally I start to go to the other side of the street but that little boy saw Trixxy and was starting to go into the road just to see her. Trixxy started going towards him too so I just went over there with Trixxy to avoid any sticky situation. He was fearless and so sweet. He was so excited that there was a dog and he could pet her. You could just see his face light up. I stopped for a few minutes and let the boys pet her and talked to the dad for a minute. The little boy was so excited and asked me questions and told Trixxy to sit and copied a lot of the things I told her to do. He was so sweet he even picked a flower and said this is for you Trixxy and then gave it to me to keep for her. I thought about dropping the flower quickly so he wouldn't notice but I just held onto it and I kept it until I got home. I thought the whole rest of the walk how different things would have been if I were not a very social person and just kept the dog on the other side of the street and didn't stop to talk or let them play. If I hadn't stopped so they could pet Trixxy and I just was annoyed and hurried to rush the dog away I wouldn't have gotten what I did out of it. This little boy was fearless and went up to a complete stranger and a dog he had no idea how it'd react because he sees the best in the world. He didn't even think about if she was mean and he went to pet her and she went to defend herself. He expects the best out of people and animals alike. I know that sometimes you get hurt by being that way but how great would it be if we were all just a little bit like that.. If we were all a little bit fearless and open to get to know someone before just writing them off as what you've heard or judging them by their looks. If I hadn't stopped to let them play and to chat for a minute I wouldn't have had that moment in my day that made it that much better. Maybe we are all a little bit too busy or too scared to see these little things that happen daily and appreciate them for what they're worth.